Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

This class was not actually located at the large campfire, as the teachers had decided that the campfires had demon spirits within them and thus were planted by the truckers union to watch them. You couldn't be too careful with truckers' union demons. And the teachers weren't entirely sure if they counted as vampires anyway.

So instead students would be reporting to the lovely Activities Area, which looked suspiciously like the Dining Hall. Chairs were lined up neatly in rows, and there was a bulletin board with helpful information. Okay, the bulletin board actually had coupons on it for Dinty Moore soup, but coupons are helpful.

Just before class was about to begin, two men wearing housecoats over flannel pajamas entered the room. One of them had a blonde wig (price tag still attached) and red lipstick smeared oddly around his face, and the other had a darker wig and at least three days' worth of stubble. If any students were hoping that these were not going to be their instructors, they shouldn't have signed up for a class with such a stupid name were going to be greatly disappointed.

"WELCOME!" shouted one of the men. It didn't matter which. It really didn't.

"Welcome to our wooooorkshop!"

"It does not have any dangerous chemicals!"

"Not many at all."

"We have not arranged for any to be delivered today!"

"My name is Jerry Sizzler," said one, gesturing to the complete opposite direction from where the other stood, "and this is my sister --"

"-- Jerry SIZZler," he supplied.

"We are, of course, your instructors --"

"And not two clearly insane people."

"Right, right. And His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg will be our assistant."

"We bribed him with an antique Persian vase!" Which wasn't true. They had bribed the TA with 32 cents in change, which they thought were rare Turkish coins.

"This class will have domestic tips for the modern lady --"

"-- As well as sexual education for the elderly --"

"-- And some notes on how to improve your golf game."

Both of them nodded.

"Now! For our first class! We should like each of you to introduce yourselves and explain how it is that you came to Greenland."

"West Greenland."

"West Fandom, Mexiland!"

"Yes, yes. And then we shall get to the educational portion of things."



[Wait for OCD OCD up! If you're unfamiliar with the Jerries, this infopost might help, but really, all you need to know is that they're insane.]

Comments

SIGN IN!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Collapse and gasp out your name as you fall, Jerry!

Re: SIGN IN!

[stuckeyboy]

Warren Cheswick

Boggle!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

It isn't just a game any more. Stare at the crazyflakes and weep for your future.

Re: Boggle!

[stuckeyboy]

"This town is insane."

Yeah, it definitely counted as a mantra, now.

Re: Boggle!

[dark_slippy_thing]

...
"Oh. Those are Sizzler and Sizzler."
Valentine was possibly slightly worried.

Re: Boggle!

[pyroliz.livejournal.com]

Liz was suddenly feeling a whole lot better about herself.

Re: Boggle!

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

Donatello was wondering if this was karma for getting them sent here. He'd apologize to Raph later if he still wasn't going to be stuck in this class anyway.

Re: Boggle!

[imissmydolphin.livejournal.com]

Lucas didn't stare at the crazyflakes people. He was too busy rummaging through his bag to find his schedule to make sure he was actually in the right place.

Re: Boggle!

[chasingsnitches.livejournal.com]

Cedric had thought he'd seen it all. Really, he thought he had.

"Wow."

Re: Boggle!

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair? Taking a lot of notes.

Of course they might be focused more on insanity and a possible study on it's effect on impressionable youth that what the Jerry's were saying.

Re: Boggle!

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly started giggling. She couldn't help it. She soon had her hand pressed tightly over her mouth to keep from laughing outloud.

Re: Boggle!

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

"Whoa..."

The stupid spleen thing was run by the guys from the store!?!?!

Sokka facepalmed. Well, it wasn't guns or explosions, but at least it could be fun?

Re: Boggle!

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

Jim considered demanding a raise. He doubted they even knew he was working for them.

Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Who are you? How are you here? Also, if you want to poke the crazies, have at it.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[stuckeyboy]

Warren hated introductions. "Um, hi, I'm Warren. Cheswick. I'm from Stuckeyville, Ohio and, well, I've never been to Greenland, but I guess I'd get there on a plane?"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[dark_slippy_thing]

Valentine cleared his throat and glanced at the teachers before he started.
"While our instructors here might know me as 'Zorro, Witch of Destruction and Stealer of Invisible Squid,' the rest of you can call me 'Valentine,' if you please." He straightened out his jacket and smirked. "It's easier to pronounce."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[pyroliz.livejournal.com]

"I'm Liz Sherman," Liz said, "um...I've never actually been to Greenland before,"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

"I'm Donatello - 'Donnie' is okay too, and we got here by train," he said, glancing at the Jerries warily.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[imissmydolphin.livejournal.com]

Lucas couldn't find his schedule. "I'm Lucas Wolenczak," he said, pronouncing it 'Wall-en-check'. "I came to Fandom by boat. I don't think I'm meant to be in this workshop."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[chasingsnitches.livejournal.com]

"I'm Cedric Diggory," he said slowly, "from England. I came here via portkey and will be a junior in the fall."

That would do, wouldn't it?

Re: Introduce Yourself

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Hello, I'm Blair Sandburg." Blair paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond to the Jerrys. "I came to West Fandom, Mexiland by way of plane and taxi to attend school."

The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Once everyone had introduced themselves and been properly traumatized by the Jerries, newspapers and magic markers were handed around.

"Now," said one Jerry. "You may not know it, but the Bolivian Mafia is tracking everything you do with their satellites, robot monkeys, and most importantly, with your own publications."

"It's true!" chirped the other. "I have seen it with my own eyes!"

"So for this class, we will teach you how to discover which kind of robot monkey is following you."

"So that you can properly set out traps and destroy it!"

"Or bribe it into working for you."

"Never underestimate the power of your own trained Bolivian robot monkey," said one Jerry helpfully.

The Jerries demonstrated how to pull out a two-page spread from the periodical you received and begin circling the words which had been implanted with secret tracking USB serial ports. "You will know!" one shouted. "The words will call to you."

Once you had done this with your (fruit-scented) marker, you could connect the dots to find the shape of your tracker. The Jerries connected their own dots (badly) and were left with a jagged scribble. "You see? It is clear! We should be on the watch for a baby elephant!"

The other applauded. "Brilliant, Jerry!"

"Now! Break into pairs! Do so immediately! Do it or DIIIIIIIIE!"


(OOC: pair up. The periodicals include Weekly World News, Cat Fancy, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, McCalls (a catalogue for dress patterns), International Journal of Pet Stylists, Log Walkers Monthly, Bald and Loving It, Grass Growers Daily, Ship In Bottles (year-end edition with pull-out poster), Speculative Grammarian, Paint Drying Monthly (complete with samples) and an old issue of the Fandom Hightimes.)

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[stuckeyboy]

Warren grabbed a grape scented marker and a copy of Speculative Grammarian and looked around for someone hot to partner up with.

Our Illustrious TA

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Not everyone can say they have His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg working for them. Wait for Hamlet to ping in and then pester away.

Re: Our Illustrious TA

[ihatedenmark.livejournal.com]

Hamlet, crown prince of Denmark, was here as the class' TA.

He was likely more sane than either of the teachers. But then again, he did willingly volunteer for this job.

After Class: Talk to The Jerries

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Why would you want to? Do you enjoy pain? Probably. Me too.

Re: After Class: Talk to The Jerries

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Sokka walked up to the Jerries and fake-sobbed.

"My robot monkey elephant ran away!" he wailed, trying not to laugh.

OOC

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Thanks to mparkerceo, krycek_rat, bridge_carson and importantman for helping with cracktastic periodical names. ♥

Re: OOC

[girlzippo.livejournal.com]

"Never underestimate the power of your own trained Bolivian robot monkey,"

*giggles as insanely as the Jerries*