Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

This class was not actually located at the large campfire, as the teachers had decided that the campfires had demon spirits within them and thus were planted by the truckers union to watch them. You couldn't be too careful with truckers' union demons. And the teachers weren't entirely sure if they counted as vampires anyway.

So instead students would be reporting to the lovely Activities Area, which looked suspiciously like the Dining Hall. Chairs were lined up neatly in rows, and there was a bulletin board with helpful information. Okay, the bulletin board actually had coupons on it for Dinty Moore soup, but coupons are helpful.

Just before class was about to begin, two men wearing housecoats over flannel pajamas entered the room. One of them had a blonde wig (price tag still attached) and red lipstick smeared oddly around his face, and the other had a darker wig and at least three days' worth of stubble. If any students were hoping that these were not going to be their instructors, they shouldn't have signed up for a class with such a stupid name were going to be greatly disappointed.

"WELCOME!" shouted one of the men. It didn't matter which. It really didn't.

"Welcome to our wooooorkshop!"

"It does not have any dangerous chemicals!"

"Not many at all."

"We have not arranged for any to be delivered today!"

"My name is Jerry Sizzler," said one, gesturing to the complete opposite direction from where the other stood, "and this is my sister --"

"-- Jerry SIZZler," he supplied.

"We are, of course, your instructors --"

"And not two clearly insane people."

"Right, right. And His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg will be our assistant."

"We bribed him with an antique Persian vase!" Which wasn't true. They had bribed the TA with 32 cents in change, which they thought were rare Turkish coins.

"This class will have domestic tips for the modern lady --"

"-- As well as sexual education for the elderly --"

"-- And some notes on how to improve your golf game."

Both of them nodded.

"Now! For our first class! We should like each of you to introduce yourselves and explain how it is that you came to Greenland."

"West Greenland."

"West Fandom, Mexiland!"

"Yes, yes. And then we shall get to the educational portion of things."



[Wait for OCD OCD up! If you're unfamiliar with the Jerries, this infopost might help, but really, all you need to know is that they're insane.]

Comments

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[southernbender.livejournal.com]

Katara pointed to exuberant and high-gloss polish. "Those too. They have vibrations."

She was joking, yes.

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"Ooooo! You're good!" Molly said and circled them. "I missed the vibrations."

She then circled roller. "It was beeping," she told Katara.

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[southernbender.livejournal.com]

"Loudly," Katara agreed. "Isn't it good we're learning this?"

She pointed to cornice. "How about that one?"

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly nodded. "Oooo! It's all swirly!" she said and circled the word.

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

And suddenly, there were Jerries leaning over their shoulders listening in.

"'Cornice' is usually a good word to circle," observed one.

"If you circle it, you can contain its power!"

"It has many powers!"

"Just ask your monkey!"

"If it is a monkey."

"Some monkeys are actually elephants."

"Some monkeys are llamas!"

"Some are donkeys."

"Our donkeys drowned."