fandomhigh | Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

This class was not actually located at the large campfire, as the teachers had decided that the campfires had demon spirits within them and thus were planted by the truckers union to watch them. You couldn't be too careful with truckers' union demons. And the teachers weren't entirely sure if they counted as vampires anyway.

So instead students would be reporting to the lovely Activities Area, which looked suspiciously like the Dining Hall. Chairs were lined up neatly in rows, and there was a bulletin board with helpful information. Okay, the bulletin board actually had coupons on it for Dinty Moore soup, but coupons are helpful.

Just before class was about to begin, two men wearing housecoats over flannel pajamas entered the room. One of them had a blonde wig (price tag still attached) and red lipstick smeared oddly around his face, and the other had a darker wig and at least three days' worth of stubble. If any students were hoping that these were not going to be their instructors, they ~~shouldn't have signed up for a class with such a stupid name~~ were going to be greatly disappointed.

"WELCOME!" shouted one of the men. It didn't matter which. It really didn't.

"Welcome to our wooooorkshop!"

"It does not have any dangerous chemicals!"

"Not many at all."

"We have not arranged for any to be delivered today!"

"My name is Jerry Sizzler," said one, gesturing to the complete opposite direction from where the other stood, "and this is my sister --"

"-- Jerry SIZZler," he supplied.

"We are, of course, your instructors --"

"And not two clearly insane people."

"Right, right. And His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg will be our assistant."

"We bribed him with an antique Persian vase!" Which wasn't true. They had bribed the TA with 32 cents in change, which they thought were rare Turkish coins.

"This class will have domestic tips for the modern lady --"

"-- As well as sexual education for the elderly --"

"-- And some notes on how to improve your golf game."

Both of them nodded.

"Now! For our first class! We should like each of you to introduce yourselves and explain how it is that you came to Greenland."

"West Greenland."

"West Fandom, Mexiland!"

"Yes, yes. And then we shall get to the educational portion of things."

[~~Wait for OCD~~ OCD up! If you're unfamiliar with the Jerries, this infopost might help, but really, all you need to know is that they're insane.]

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Warren blinked, having not expected anyone to demand the Speculative Grammarian like that. "Yeah. Okay, sure." He leaned forward. "Do you have any idea what those two were talking about? Bolivian robot monkeys? What the hell is up with that?"

"Oh, yeah, it's real easy to understand them," Sokka said with a smirk and a wave of his hand. "So long as you remember they're completely insane." He uncapped his marker. "Shall we?"

"Completely insane. Got it. Um, sure." He uncapped his own marker, and circled "gerand".

Sokka closed his eyes and started randomly making circles on the page. Some of the circles even went more or less around words.

Warren watched this behavior and glanced around. "Dude . . . I don't think that's how we're supposed to be doing this,"

"Dude, TRUST me," Sokka said, thumping Warren on the back. "They're not going to care. Or notice." Sokka gave him a big grin. "Oh, by the way," he added. "I'm Sokka. You're new, right?"

Warren startled at the back thumping. "Um, yeah. I'm Warren. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too!" Sokka said, as he circled prepositional near subjunctive and drew an arc under the two circles, making a smiley face.

He jerked a thumb at the Jerries. "Oh, man, they have a 'store' downtown... If you haven't been yet, you really need to!"

"Yeah? What do they sell? Is it a pie shop? I like pie shops,"

Sokka facepalmed. "Yeah. A pie shop. Where they" -- he gestured at the Jerries -- "make and sell pies. You got it on your first guess."

Meanwhile, he found a sentence that the word the appeared in seven times, and circled all seven occurances -- plus the word subordinate -- and then he drew a big circle around the entire sentence.

"Hah. Yeah. Right." Warren felt like a fool and went back to circling words and things. "I don't think I want to go to any shop they run."

"I thought that, too, at first," Sokka pontificated, imparting his vast wisdom to the new and clueless student, "but then I realized how AWESOME it was!"

He grinned broadly. "I got a headless papier-mâché wildebeest from them."

Warren stared at him.

"This school is insane."

"No," Sokka answered, holding up a cautioning finger. "This school is WEIRD."

He pointed at the Jerries. "THEY are insane."

Warren looked from Sokka, to the Jerries, then around the class room, then up in the air as he thought back on what he'd seen so far.

". . . I stand by my claim."

"How are we doing?" asked the Jerries in a completely creepy sort of way.

"Have you found the words yet?"

"That is a very good publication for words."

"Many words inside!"

"There are even words on the outside."

"If you need to add words, there is plenty of room in the margins."

"Many of these publications forget to say 'asphyxiate'!"

"That is a very important word," nodded one Jerry.

Warren only jumped a little tiny bit, really . . . .

"We're . . . doing fine . . . er, Professors Sizzler,"

Sokka dutifully wrote "asfixiate" in the margin, and circled it.

"How's that?" he asked.

"No!" one Jerry screamed. "It is coming for us!"

"It is a madhouse! A maaaaaadhouse!"

Both Jerries ran away very quickly from the misspelled 'asphyxiate.' Still screaming about a madhouse.

Sokka wrote "madhouse" in the other margin, and circled it. And connected the two words with a long wavy line.

Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

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Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)

Re: The Educational Bits (No, Really)