Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

This class was not actually located at the large campfire, as the teachers had decided that the campfires had demon spirits within them and thus were planted by the truckers union to watch them. You couldn't be too careful with truckers' union demons. And the teachers weren't entirely sure if they counted as vampires anyway.

So instead students would be reporting to the lovely Activities Area, which looked suspiciously like the Dining Hall. Chairs were lined up neatly in rows, and there was a bulletin board with helpful information. Okay, the bulletin board actually had coupons on it for Dinty Moore soup, but coupons are helpful.

Just before class was about to begin, two men wearing housecoats over flannel pajamas entered the room. One of them had a blonde wig (price tag still attached) and red lipstick smeared oddly around his face, and the other had a darker wig and at least three days' worth of stubble. If any students were hoping that these were not going to be their instructors, they shouldn't have signed up for a class with such a stupid name were going to be greatly disappointed.

"WELCOME!" shouted one of the men. It didn't matter which. It really didn't.

"Welcome to our wooooorkshop!"

"It does not have any dangerous chemicals!"

"Not many at all."

"We have not arranged for any to be delivered today!"

"My name is Jerry Sizzler," said one, gesturing to the complete opposite direction from where the other stood, "and this is my sister --"

"-- Jerry SIZZler," he supplied.

"We are, of course, your instructors --"

"And not two clearly insane people."

"Right, right. And His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg will be our assistant."

"We bribed him with an antique Persian vase!" Which wasn't true. They had bribed the TA with 32 cents in change, which they thought were rare Turkish coins.

"This class will have domestic tips for the modern lady --"

"-- As well as sexual education for the elderly --"

"-- And some notes on how to improve your golf game."

Both of them nodded.

"Now! For our first class! We should like each of you to introduce yourselves and explain how it is that you came to Greenland."

"West Greenland."

"West Fandom, Mexiland!"

"Yes, yes. And then we shall get to the educational portion of things."



[Wait for OCD OCD up! If you're unfamiliar with the Jerries, this infopost might help, but really, all you need to know is that they're insane.]

Comments

Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Who are you? How are you here? Also, if you want to poke the crazies, have at it.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[stuckeyboy]

Warren hated introductions. "Um, hi, I'm Warren. Cheswick. I'm from Stuckeyville, Ohio and, well, I've never been to Greenland, but I guess I'd get there on a plane?"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Hello, Cheswick," said one Jerry.

"Welcome to Mexigreenland."

"We are very glad that you have a plane."

"Yes! You must take us all for a ride on your plane."

"We have no plane of our own."

"We have donkeys."

"You cannot have our donkeys!"

"The donkeys drowned," said one Jerry sadly.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[stuckeyboy]

"This town is--" Wait, no, these guys actually kind of reminded him of Phil, Kenny, and Shirley.

"Shave my poodle," he said sagely.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[dark_slippy_thing]

Valentine cleared his throat and glanced at the teachers before he started.
"While our instructors here might know me as 'Zorro, Witch of Destruction and Stealer of Invisible Squid,' the rest of you can call me 'Valentine,' if you please." He straightened out his jacket and smirked. "It's easier to pronounce."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Welcome, Zorro," said one Jerry. He didn't remember it, he just randomly picked it from Valentine's word salad. (Not that Valentine's speech was word salad, but everything other people said was word salad to the Jerries. Mmmm. Word salad.)

"We are so very glad to have you here."

"We hope that you will share with us all your elite kung-fu fighting moves."

"Zorro, the destroyer of worlds!"

"Zorro, the fencer of evil!"

"Zorro, the manager of taco chains!"

"It is an honor."

Both men bowed.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[dark_slippy_thing]

It was insane at best...
But it was flattering.
"Perhaps I'll teach you the mysterious art of juggling someday." Which would no doubt be chaotic, but at least it was something.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[pyroliz.livejournal.com]

"I'm Liz Sherman," Liz said, "um...I've never actually been to Greenland before,"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Welcome, Lizsherman," said one Jerry.

"We hope you will enjoy your stay in our shop, Lizsherman."

"Yes, there are many things to buy in our store, Lizsherman!"

"Our store is downtown, Lizsherman."

"Downtown, in convenient West Fandom, Mexigreenland, Lizsherman!"

"West Sweden, South Mexico!"

"South Lizsherman, East Norway!"

"Swedish Norgreenland, Fansherman!"

"We have many stores," one nodded.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

"I'm Donatello - 'Donnie' is okay too, and we got here by train," he said, glancing at the Jerries warily.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Look, Jerry! It is Gerald the Clown!"

"Welcome, Your Lordship."

"We are honored, Your Lordship."

"We shall have your train brought around at once."

"It is impossible that a man of your stature should be kept waiting."

"We shall have the persons responsible sacked at once!"

"Unless it was us."

"In which case we shall sack others and blame them."

"Did Your Lordship enjoy the trip?"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[imissmydolphin.livejournal.com]

Lucas couldn't find his schedule. "I'm Lucas Wolenczak," he said, pronouncing it 'Wall-en-check'. "I came to Fandom by boat. I don't think I'm meant to be in this workshop."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Greetings, Mr. Wallchecker."

"Yes! We are glad that you could make it for our festival."

"Our walls have no Lucases."

"Our walls have no casings!"

"Our walls have no multigrains."

"Our festival shall be cancelled for sure!"

"How much must we bribe you?"

"If we were asking! And we aren't!"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[chasingsnitches.livejournal.com]

"I'm Cedric Diggory," he said slowly, "from England. I came here via portkey and will be a junior in the fall."

That would do, wouldn't it?

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Jerry!" gasped one Jerry. "He is a spy!"

"What!? But how do you know, Jerry?!" gaped the other.

"Look at his beady eyes."

Both stared at Cedric's (perfectly normal) eyes. And then began running in panicked circles.

"No! A witch! He is working with the government!"

"He will sell us to the mob for sure!"

"He will burn us with his eyes! And sell us burn cream!"

Both stopped running.

"May we have some burn cream, Your Grace?"

"Yes, we are rather out."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Hello, I'm Blair Sandburg." Blair paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond to the Jerrys. "I came to West Fandom, Mexiland by way of plane and taxi to attend school."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Hello to you, Blair of the Sand Peoples."

"Yes. We have many fine sands in our store, you know."

"We hope that you will come and see them, if you should miss your home."

"Yes! We have many taxiplanes of sand!"

"We take them to the desert and fill them."

"We leave them there in the tar pits!"

"Yes, yes! As photo opportunities for the tourists!"

"One must never forget the tourists," said one Jerry helpfully.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Sokka shrugged. Might as well go for the crazy early. It might be the only way to survive this class.

"My name is Sokka the Awesome and Mighty," he began. "I came to West Green, Fandyland, by flying in a sack of fish, and I stole your donkeys."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Both Jerries narrowed their eyes at the boy.

"That was you?! You stole our donkeys!?"

"We shall have our revenge, Jerry! We will steal your westing green!"

"We shall steal your fish-sackings!"

"We shall throw them into the river where they will drown!"

"It would be rather poetic, considering."

"Then we shall remove your ponytail and give it to small children."

"They will not like your ponytail very much!"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[southernbender.livejournal.com]

"My name is Katara," she said, trying not to giggle still. "I'm from the South Pole and came by flying bison."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"We are glad to meet you, then, Katara," said one Jerry.

"Our flying bison is in the shop for repairs."

"Yes! Our shop, conveniently located in West Swedway!"

"We have many fine stores. They are not for you!"

"You cannot steal our stores."

"They are much too large!"

"We would like to meet your bison pole."

"We could name him 'Fred.'"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"I'm Molly Hayes and I came by swoop bike most recently."

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Both Jerries bowed solemnly.

"Welcome, Miss Swoopbike."

"We have heard many tales of your adventures."

"We buy the comic every month!"

"It is released earlier here in Norway than back in Mexico."

"We cannot read German, so we make faces on the pictures!"

"We apologize for the many mustaches."

"We think you look much better with one!"

Re: Introduce Yourself

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"My name is High Luge Commander Diego von Humperdink and I came to be here by way of my robot jetpack," Jim said because why not?

He also held up a piece of paper that said "Jim Halpert - Train." Just so his fellow students didn't call him Diego or something. He was pretty sure the Sizzlers couldn't read, though, so his secret was safe from them.

Re: Introduce Yourself

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Ah! Yes! You have arrived at last, Concierge de la Hacienda!"

There was much excited clapping.

"Everyone, the concierge here is filled with joy at his impending wedding."

"He is marrying a tree!"

"Our tree. We would not give her away to just anyone."

"But he promised to make her a very nice jetpack and we wish for her to be happy."

"So long as we are invited to the epilogue!" one Jerry winked.