fandomhigh | Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

This class was not actually located at the large campfire, as the teachers had decided that the campfires had demon spirits within them and thus were planted by the truckers union to watch them. You couldn't be too careful with truckers' union demons. And the teachers weren't entirely sure if they counted as vampires anyway.

So instead students would be reporting to the lovely Activities Area, which looked suspiciously like the Dining Hall. Chairs were lined up neatly in rows, and there was a bulletin board with helpful information. Okay, the bulletin board actually had coupons on it for Dinty Moore soup, but coupons are helpful.

Just before class was about to begin, two men wearing housecoats over flannel pajamas entered the room. One of them had a blonde wig (price tag still attached) and red lipstick smeared oddly around his face, and the other had a darker wig and at least three days' worth of stubble. If any students were hoping that these were not going to be their instructors, they ~~shouldn't have signed up for a class with such a stupid name~~ were going to be greatly disappointed.

"WELCOME!" shouted one of the men. It didn't matter which. It really didn't.

"Welcome to our wooooorkshop!"

"It does not have any dangerous chemicals!"

"Not many at all."

"We have not arranged for any to be delivered today!"

"My name is Jerry Sizzler," said one, gesturing to the complete opposite direction from where the other stood, "and this is my sister --"

"-- Jerry SIZZler," he supplied.

"We are, of course, your instructors --"

"And not two clearly insane people."

"Right, right. And His Majesty the Grand Archduke of Findleyburg will be our assistant."

"We bribed him with an antique Persian vase!" Which wasn't true. They had bribed the TA with 32 cents in change, which they thought were rare Turkish coins.

"This class will have domestic tips for the modern lady --"

"-- As well as sexual education for the elderly --"

"-- And some notes on how to improve your golf game."

Both of them nodded.

"Now! For our first class! We should like each of you to introduce yourselves and explain how it is that you came to Greenland."

"West Greenland."

"West Fandom, Mexiland!"

"Yes, yes. And then we shall get to the educational portion of things."

[~~Wait for OCD~~ OCD up! If you're unfamiliar with the Jerries, this infopost might help, but really, all you need to know is that they're insane.]

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"I'm Donatello - 'Donnie' is okay too, and we got here by train," he said, glancing at the Jerries warily.

"Look, Jerry! It is Gerald the Clown!"

"Welcome, Your Lordship."

"We are honored, Your Lordship."

"We shall have your train brought around at once."

"It is impossible that a man of your stature should be kept waiting."

"We shall have the persons responsible sacked at once!"

"Unless it was us."

"In which case we shall sack others and blame them."

"Did Your Lordship enjoy the trip?"

"...Um, it was a pretty good trip, sure," Donnie said slowly. "Except for all the cows." And Raph's attitude, which really would've deserved a whole train-car to itself, but that didn't bear repeating.

"We will have the cows sacked."

"Covered in sacks!"

"Yes. There will be sack-cows for you."

"We will bring them around at once!"

"They will make a rather excellent lunch."

"We forgot to pack one."

"We usually steal one from the dumpster."

"The dumpster doesn't have any cows."

"We will fix this right away, Your Lordship."

"I think lunch is after this class, if you're hungry. They might have burgers again, which do make an excellent lunch," Donnie said, not quite sure why he was still talking to them. Maybe because it was kind of like trying to decipher a code, of which he was sure there was none, but it was better (at least for his own peace of mind) than just assuming they were honestly that insane.

"We are indeed quite hungry, Your Lordship."

"We haven't much food here in Greenland."

"It is very hard to kill buffalo here in Norway."

"There aren't any," said one Jerry sadly.

"And we have no pointed sticks to kill them."

"How else should one kill fruit, Jerry?!"

"We shall do our best, Your Lordship."

The Jerries stopped their ~~gratuitous Python references~~ babblings and bowed again. Gerald the Clown was a kind and just ruler.

Tuesday, May 15th - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to Carrots, Spleenology, and so on

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