The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from meta for Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

Comments

The Sign In [5/15]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Like the sexy beast you are.

Re: The Sign In [5/15]

[raspberryturk]

Reno

The Lecture [5/15]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Stare, talk like talky meat and see if they don't notice.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[raspberryturk]

Reno was smirking. And paying close attention.

Mostly to Ron, to see if he was going to pass out or not.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Mac? So very sure she did not sign up for this. After Ron's warnings... Yeah, she was harboring a certain amount of trepidation about this one.

She was wearing her STD shirt (http://www.cafepress.com/tvwhoreswag.103214003), it seemed appropriately festive.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[cheminthehead.livejournal.com]

Gladys stood at the back of the classroom, the glow in her eyes flickering rapidly as she listened.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[imcalledandros.livejournal.com]

Andros stared and he tried to figure out how he had ended up in this class, since he couldn't remember signing up for it.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[likethegun]

Sam may have been glaring a little. He was the only one who got to be Dawn's bitch...and that was a thought he was not saying out loud.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[ihaveniceteeth.livejournal.com]

Gwen stared...or rather glared. In the vague direction of Cardiff rather than the teachers though. She was going to feed him his own spleen by this point.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Sokka facepalmed. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up in Stinson's class after specifically vowing NOT to, but here he was.

And it was everything he expected. Therefore, facepalming.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[intraspective]

Okay. Okay. This? Was totally worth the fact she'd had to put off her training.

Totally. Worth. It.

Ino leaned back in her chair and tried not to giggle too much.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[armybrat-lois.livejournal.com]

Lois was grinning widely as she listened to the lecture. These people were awesome.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[my-tragic-past.livejournal.com]

Kevin couldn't stop grinning. If his previous classes had been this cool, he might have actually applied himself in school instead of relying on his looks for passing grades.

Not the minded flirting for grades.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[saltandammo.livejournal.com]

Dean listened to the lecture with a smirk. Okay, both teachers were probably totally off their rockers, but if nothing else it was going to be fun watching other students flail at what they said.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[x5-alec.livejournal.com]

Alec listened with interest, deciding he wasn't even annoyed that he'd been somehow signed up for this class without his knowledge - at least it would be amusing, right?

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

Toby listened. If he had paper or a pencil or something, he'd have considered taking notes. Whatever they were talking about sounded Very Important.

Re: The Lecture [5/15]

[thatsamilkshake]

Francine made with the staring. And the turning colors known only in Ben & Jerry's flavors. "I -- what? My mother signed me up for what?"

The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Name, any interesting appendages you might have, sexual history, crippling social phobias, anything you would like the teachers to remember and use against you.

... Yes, they meant it, about sharing your best or worst sexual experience. Bonus points for both.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[raspberryturk]

Reno smirked. Sure, he'd get this show on the road.

"Name's Reno. I come equipped with all the usual appendages and I know how to use 'em. Got plenty of experience there, no problem. And my best sexual experience-"

Huh. This was going to be hard.

"'S either a toss-up between removin' laces on a dress with my teeth, a beach in Mexico, or a long night with ice, champagne, and hot wax..."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"I'm not telling you two anything!" Ron declared.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[cheminthehead.livejournal.com]

"My Name Is Gladys. I Am A Golem And I Do Not Have Any Sexual Experiences To Share With The Class." For which any sane person would be grateful. "Mr Lipwig Very Nearly Touched Me Inappropriately Once But I Do Not Believe That Qualifies."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Oh, well wasn't this fun.

"I'm Mac," she told them. There really wasn't anything else she wanted the teachers to remember. "And I've had experience." Yeaaah, there was no way she was going into details on her sex life in front of a class.

The TAs [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

The lovely Dawn and the less-lovely Ron, here to assist us in ... tormenting Ron, mostly.

Re: The TAs [5/15]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron was there. Not passing out just because he was near Dawn. Okay he was slightly uncomfortable because he was near an attractive woman but that was it.

It did not stop him from glaring at Barney and Tink.

Your Professors [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Fabulous and having more sex than you.

Re: Your Professors [5/15]

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Well, here goes nothing.

"So, Professor Bell... Ron tells me you're friends with Wendy Bird?"

The OOC [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, we did this OCD tag-team style. That's just how we roll.

Re: The OOC [5/15]

[raspberryturk]

That's because you so hardcore. <3