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fandomhigh2008-05-15 07:06 am
suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2008-05-15 07:06 am
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The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)
Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.
Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!
"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."
With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...
"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."
And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?
"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."
He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?
"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from
There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.
Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."
The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.
"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.
Re: The Lecture [5/15]
Re: The Lecture [5/15]
"Yo, Toby!" Reno grinned and leaned over, offering a bit of a wave. "We got a class together, huh? Don't let the teachers traumatize you or whatever. The pixie's small, but she's a freakin' spitfire."
Re: The Lecture [5/15]
"Dude, do you have any clue what she's trying to say? She just like dances around..." Toby couldn't help but stare.
Re: The Lecture [5/15]
"I s'pose it's some kinda body language. Apparently she's got real expressive jingling or whatever. The way I see it, all you gotta do is listen to Barney and then run for your freakin' life if the Pixie looks like she's gonna kill things. She turns the most interestin' shades of red, yo."