fandomhigh | The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from ~~meta for~~ Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

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Dawn wasn't sure whether to be amused or horrified, so she sat there and tried to look knowledgeable (but not too knowledgeable) instead, just in case someone had a question.

Edited 2008-05-16 02:41 (UTC)

"For the record?" Ron muttered. "I'm not anyone's... you know."

Dawn remembered Ron from when he tried to pick her up at Caritas and therefore eyed him suspiciously. "See him?" She pointed at Sam. "That's my boyfriend." She pointed at Dean. "That's his brother who loves shooting things. Just so you know."

"There will be not hitting on me, and I won't try to make you my bitch. Deal?"

Sometimes these things just happened, after all.

Ron pointed at Barney. "He made me do it. I won't hit on you. Ever. Ever."

She nodded once. "Good. Besides, I'm totally too big a dork for you to handle."

~~"Why? You don't look sixty feet tall."~~

"Pfft," Ron said shaking his head. "Please. You're attractive and nice. Leave the giant dork stuff to the actual dorks."

"See! That!" She pointed at Ron. "That was almost suave! You won't die a virgin if you say that to someone!" Then she clarified. "Okay, at someone who's not me, because I have a sword, a frying pan, and the two guys I mentioned earlier."

Unfortunately anything close to "suave" went out the window when Dawn brought up the weapons and the two guys... and the weapons.

"I wasn't trying to hit on you!" he flailed.

"Of course you weren't," she said soothingly as she tried not to smirk at him, "but you could use that on someone you were trying to hit on, which was my point."

Ron got a glum look on his face. "Yeah. Well when that happens I'll give it a shot."

"Girl problems?" She asked, perching on a desk.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said shaking his head.

"You sure? I'm really not a bad person, and I got the girl cred."

"Nah. It's just stuff that happened at home," Ron said shaking his head.

The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

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