fandomhigh | The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from ~~meta for~~ Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

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"That's not embarrassing. That's just annoying," Sam said. "You know they're not going to let me get away with saying nothing at all about me and Dawn."

"Well tell them something, but dude if you can't finesse those two... well I'll make sure I have my camera ready for the streaking."

"I'm so going to end up streaking again," Sam said, burying his face in his hands.

"Relax, Sammy. I'm totally willing to tutor you. And hey, your girlfriend is the TA, I'm sure she can pull some strings for you."

Sam glared at Dean. "I don't need any tutoring," he insisted.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy," Dean said with a sigh. "If you don't want tutoring from me, you should consider going to your TA for some hands on help."

"I don't need any more help than she already gives me," Sam said.

Dean stared at his brother. "Dude, you can't be that totally clueless."

"You are talking about hands on help of the sex kind, aren't you?" Sam asked.

"Have you never heard of roleplaying?"

"Yeah, but...I totally don't see what you're talking about. Like, at all."

Dean facepalmed. "Dude, you student. Dawn, TA. Come up with a senario where you need help to make a good grade and you'd do anything to avoid having to streak again... and let Dawn tell you what anything is."

Sam got quiet as he thought about that. Then he got very red, and shook his head quickly. "Dawn wouldn't go for that. That's kind of way out there."

Dean stared at him. "Dawn would totally go for it."

"Why, because you'd totally go for it, and she's exactly like you?"

"Actually, it's a bit tame for my tastes," Dean said. "No, because I recall Dawn telling me about wanting to see you in leather and this would give her a chance for that and anythning else she could come up with."

"You don't think she'd prefer to just say, 'Hey Sam, dress up in leather for me,' and I'll say okay and do it?" Sam asked.

The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

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