fandomhigh | The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from ~~meta for~~ Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fabulous and having more sex than you.

Well, here goes nothing.

"So, Professor Bell... Ron tells me you're friends with Wendy Bird?"

Please ignore the blond man snickering in the background.

Tink stared in horror. Did he ... did he just ... was he friends with that Wendy-Bird!??

He should DIE! He should die painfully and slowly! Perhaps they could kill him by taking out little bits of his liver and throwing them away! And then playing her annoying, grating, horrifying voice OVER AND OVER AGAIN! Again and again and again until he killed himself by eating glass shards because the pain of it ripping through his innards would be less than hearing her say PEEEEE-TAH again! Or maybe he would like that! He probably would, the stupid sick disgusting freak!

Tink was now going to attempt to kick his nose. Because she could.

"OW! Hey! HEY!!!"

Sokka backed up and tried to shoo her away like a fly, cursing Ron. He thought fast, but didn't come up with much. "Hey, I have no idea who she is!!! I'm just here on behalf of Ron! He... He's in love with her! That's it! And too shy to say anything!"

"Don't know what he's talking about!" Ron called out. "He was just telling me about how he was instant messaging with Wendy last night about how good a kisser PEE-TAH was."

"I've never instant messaged in my LIFE!" Sokka protested. "I only use computers for email and Googling!"

Trying to stop Tink from killing the students, despite how fun that could be, Barney intervened. "As much as the lesbian-lover annoys me, Dean Cougar frowns on injuring students. Maybe we could find another way to punish him for being a jackass."

Barney! Barney, they were being mean to her! They were talking about a Wendy-bird. And Peee-tah. And Tink knew that she was more awesome than all of these stupid virgins but could she kill them anyway? Please? Just a minor injury, some burns? Around the edges? Could she make the stupid Weasley boy green? With warts? He looked like the warty type.

"HE'S the jackass!!!" Sokka protested, pointed at Ron. "HIM, not me!!!"

And then he smirked at Barney. "And Mel is SO not a lesbian. So, SOOOO not a lesbian."

Ron... oh so quietly making his way to the door to make his getaway.

The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

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