fandomhigh | The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from ~~meta for~~ Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

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"What? You think I willingly come here to be mocked?" Ron said with a small smile. "I occasionally beat myself up but I'm not that that big on punishing myself."

"Aw, but they seem to like you," Mac said with a little smirk.

"You mean they like torturing me," Ron said looking glum. "I think they're the ones behind me being in this class."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Mac admitted with a little nod.

"I can try and distract you from the torture, at least?" she offered.

For the first time in a Tink and Barney class, Ron gave Mac a big genuine smile.

"I'd like that."

Then he gave her a careful look. "You're not going to stab me with pencils or anything are you?"

"Pencils just don't quite match up to classic bamboo shoots," she deadpanned.

She added a helpful, "Wasn't actually intending to add to the torture."

"Good," Ron said looking relieved (after a brief look of panic at the mention of 'bamboo shoots'). "And if they give you any grief you can always come to me-"

Ron sighed.

"After all I'm the TA."

"Means you get the keys to the TA lounge, at least," Mac reminded him. "We get the best coffee in there."

"We have a TA Lounge?" Ron said perking up. "When did that happen?"

"It's... kinda always been there," Mac said. "Don't think many people use it anymore, that's all."

She grinned, "One of those well kept secrets, I guess."

"Wicked," Ron said. "So it's completely hidden from the other students?"

Ron was thinking back to the prefect bathroom with the giant tub and... yeah.

Mac chuckled, "Well, not quite," she admitted. "But we are the only ones allowed to use it."

Ron puffed up a little at that. "Finally! Something bloody useful about this job."

"There had to be something to make up for the mocking," Mac agreed. "It was one of the perks that prompted me to do some TA-ing last year."

"Are you a TA now?" Ron asked. "Maybe we can get that TA lounge open on a permanent basis. Who did you TA for?"

"Professor Abby," Mac said with a grin. "But she was awesome, so it wasn't like I needed the perks."

"Now, I'm a library aide instead... Still get the keys, though."

"Wicked," Ron said with a grin. "How exactly good is that coffee?"

"Recommended by the original founder of Fandom's Coffee appreciation society," Mac replied. Jake's opinion was one she'd swear by any day.

"There's an appreciation society?" Ron asked. "Seriously?"

"There was," Mac corrected. "I helped Jake run it for a while."

"Ohhh," Ron said understanding. "I don't think I ever met him."

"Yeah, when I say 'used to run', we're talking a couple of years ago," she said with a little smile.

"So you're an old hand at Fandom then," Ron said. "I never asked how long you've been here."

"Too long," Mac replied. "This'll be my third summer."

"Too long?" Ron asked. "Sounds like you're ready to be done with this place."

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