The History of Sex: Workshop 1, Period 3 (Thursday, May 15)

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney looked around the classroom and adjusted his tie wearily. "Please tell me this group will be better," he said to Tink.

Tink didn't hold much hope that it would, really. But look! Look, Barney! She'd brought booze! Booze was the best teaching aid ever. It made you not hate the students half so much! Here! He should drink some! Mmmm, booze!

"Has anyone ever told you you're a saint?" Barney asked, pouring some sweet alcoholic nectar for himself. "A tiny, bouncy little saint, with...oh right, students."

With students? Wasn't he about to say -- OH! Students! There were students here. Hello, students! She was the fabulous, wonderful, amazing Miss Tinker Bell ...

"...Along with your Professor of Awesome, Barnabus Stinson," he finished. "Please, feel free to call us Professor Stinson and Professor Bell. No formalities here."

And they should remember that the very best students were the ones who took care of their teachers. So what if officials called them "bribes"? The officials weren't the ones handing out the As, now were they?

"And should these supposed officials ask, we say, 'What bribes?'" Barney grinned. "Now, this course is about the History of Sex: and other stuff. You'd better get yourselves ready as we are about to blow your little teenage minds. And I hope to God none of you are virgins. Well, other than Ron."

He was here again? Awwww, Barney's grandson took the class! Hi, Barney's grandson! See, he was totally embracing his inner Awesome and well on his way to living up to those latent Stinson genes he had somewhere. Maybe some day that would even mean losing his virginity. Maybe. Didn't Barney just want to pinch his little cheeks?

"Not really, no." Barney peered at his pixie counterpart, deciding she had to be kidding. "Regardless, you're here to learn about sex from meta for Smurfette to cybersex."

There was a lot of sex out there, and a lot of people doing it, in strange and interesting ways! Ones that could possibly destroy your mind, children. Had they ever really thought about sex? Everyone out there is the product of sex, except possibly the frog-thing. He was felt and felt didn't seem likely to reproduce sexually.

Barney shuddered and drank deeply. "And so today we'd like you to introduce yourselves. Tell us of your best or worst sexual encounter. Or make up something good."

The children should remember that this was a safe, learning environment, and they should try very hard not to laugh at one another very much. Except she would be. Some of these should be good. But treat one another with respect. More or less. Try, anyway.

"Also, everyone meet Dawn, our TA for this course. Dawn, feel free to make Ron your bitch," he grinned at the lovely Ms. Summers, wondering if Ron would pass out just by proximity to such an attractive young female. "Now, how about we get this introductory party started with....you!" Barney said, pointing at a random student.

Comments

The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Name, any interesting appendages you might have, sexual history, crippling social phobias, anything you would like the teachers to remember and use against you.

... Yes, they meant it, about sharing your best or worst sexual experience. Bonus points for both.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[raspberryturk]

Reno smirked. Sure, he'd get this show on the road.

"Name's Reno. I come equipped with all the usual appendages and I know how to use 'em. Got plenty of experience there, no problem. And my best sexual experience-"

Huh. This was going to be hard.

"'S either a toss-up between removin' laces on a dress with my teeth, a beach in Mexico, or a long night with ice, champagne, and hot wax..."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

"There are some things I just didn't need to know," Sokka muttered.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"I knew I liked this kid for a reason, Tink!" Barney said, smiling broadly and winking at his co-teacher.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"I'm not telling you two anything!" Ron declared.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

That could be mistaken for chivalry if it weren't for the fact that he clearly had no sexual experience to share. Right?

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[cheminthehead.livejournal.com]

"My Name Is Gladys. I Am A Golem And I Do Not Have Any Sexual Experiences To Share With The Class." For which any sane person would be grateful. "Mr Lipwig Very Nearly Touched Me Inappropriately Once But I Do Not Believe That Qualifies."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink stared. No. No, that did not. Was it an accidental almost-inappropriate touch? Or was this Mr. Lipwig very, very lonely?

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Oh, well wasn't this fun.

"I'm Mac," she told them. There really wasn't anything else she wanted the teachers to remember. "And I've had experience." Yeaaah, there was no way she was going into details on her sex life in front of a class.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Well. Congratulations, she supposed? That wasn't a very interesting introduction at all. The girl should try harder next time. Sex was interesting and talking about it might make people like her more.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[ashockingbitch]

"Jenny Sparks, and I come with all the standard appendages for a human female but I can do this--" she held out one hand and let lightning arc between her fingers-- "which can be fun if you get all your variables right. Best experience, that's a tough one, but I'm going with this one orgy in the sixties. That was fun. Worst, disregarding the ones I don't actually remember...a certain world-famous rock and roll musician who will remain nameless, back room of a bar, 1987. Some people have a rather higher opinion of themselves than is warranted, and that's all I'm going to say about that."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Orgies, orgies, orgies! Hello! This class was amusing already! Welcome!

Was he named Peeee-tah? Boys named Peetah were statistically proven to be lame and horrible in bed if they ever had sex at all, which they didn't. She had sources. Somewhere.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[imcalledandros.livejournal.com]

"I'm called Andros," Andros said, "I don't have any sexual experiences to share,"

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[my-tragic-past.livejournal.com]

Kevin snorted and looked the boy over. A day back at the Dante, and he was sure someone would crack that cherry.

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[ihaveniceteeth.livejournal.com]

The glare had migrated from Cardiff way to Tink and Barney. "Gwen Cooper, nothing out of the ordinary, and none of your damn business."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

"All of my sexual experiences have been nothing short of AWESOME," Sokka announced, feeling all cool and stuff.

"My name is Sokka, and I rock ya. If I bribe ya with porn and booze, can I mock ya?"

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[intraspective]

Ino was so giggling now. "I'm Ino, I've totally got all the, you know, usual female appendages and know how to use them, for sure. Best sexual experience... hmmm... I can't decide, really? I liked it all."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[likethegun]

"I'm Sam," he said, trying to figure out how to get around the rest. "I've had some sexual experience, but it's been with our TA and I don't think she'd appreciate me sharing."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[armybrat-lois.livejournal.com]

"I'm Lois. I've got the usual appendages and I've had plenty of sexual history. Just not too much sexual history. I'm not a slut," Lois said. "No social phobias that I'm aware of and if you want some information against me you're going to have to work for it."

Lois chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I guess my best sexual experience was with the Navy Seal in the pool but I guess that was also my worst experience because that's what got me sent to this school."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[my-tragic-past.livejournal.com]

"Uh, my name is Kevin, and the only thing usual about my, he, appendage is that people usually go nuts when they see it." He grinned and bobbed his head.

"And, uh, as far as my experience goes, well," his smiled grew and he pointed at his torso, "I mean, come on, right? If I started telling stories, we would be here all day."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[saltandammo.livejournal.com]

"I'm Dean Winchester, I'm 17. I'm not sure if I'd say it was my favourite, but the most unusual sexual experience I had, had to be the lesbian threesome."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[x5-alec.livejournal.com]

"I'm Alec, I've got all the normal human appendages, worst experience I'd have to say... This one time, a girl tried to show off and just ended up using teeth where they shouldn't ever go." He grimaced at the memory, then drifted off into a brief reverie.

"You know, it's hard to choose a best. There's just so many amazing...

Alec shook his head slightly and grinned. "--Anyway, I try to be discreet, so that's as far as I'm going at the moment."

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

"I'm Toby," Toby said, smiling stupidly at the professors. "And I have all the normal appendages...wait, are there people here with extra parts?"

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[weefeetbigboots.livejournal.com]

"I'm Kaylee," she said cheerfully. "No weird 'pendages for me, just the normal girlparts. M'best was probably...hmm. Well, there was this one time with a cute guy who was just stoppin' on planet for a couple days, 'cause then he weren't lingerin' 'round too long after I figured out the sex was all he really had to offer a girl. The worst was my first." She nodded. "But I don't think no girl's first time is ever good, y'know?"

Re: The Introductions [5/15]

[thatsamilkshake]

Could Francine just bury her face in her hands and mumble, and pretend she didn't speak English or had a horrible disfiguring-but-only-on-the-inside throat injury? She could damn well try...

"MuhnamisfrncinepetersOMGPARTSWHATummrrrglemrrrf."