Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way #4, Monday, Period 3

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

GOB walked up to the now common sight of the dry erase board covered with a sheet. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and sweater combination to project an aura of responsibility. That may have been a mistake during the middle of summer.

"Well, children," he said, trying to exude the air of a children's show host, albeit one who the state had to warn the people in the neighborhood about due to Megan's Law, "I just wanted to remind you what we're all doing here. I'm here to teach you how to be responsible if you give into your hormones and try to screw each other like animals. I'm not trying to promote it, I'm just trying to teach you how to do it safely and intelligently. After all, the only thing I really want is to make sure that you all grow up to be responsible adults."

"That's why today we'll be discussing safe sex. Specifically..." GOB pulled the sheet off the board, revealing the lesson name, "Ways to Avoid Concussions During Sex."

The sad part was that GOB was trying to be sincere in giving the students a lesson in safety and responsibility today.

"There are about three times as many ways to avoid concussions as there are to cause them. And there are five ways to cause them during sex, so that should give us about 13 ways to prevent them." GOB's math was impeccable. "To keep this nice and easy, let's look at the ways that you can get a concussion during sex."

"First, head to head contact. No, I'm not talking about when two gay guys have unintentional crotch-to-crotch contact," GOB said. It was a joke. He was being lighthearted and friendly, but responsible. "No, this is when you're either not paying attention or you're just going loose above the shoulders and you and your partner commit what is called a 'Headbutt of Passion,' which is not what it sounds like." What is sounds like to GOB, that is. "The skull is the hardest bone in the body, but your brain is loose inside of it. So when two heads butt, your brains slosh around and it isn't pleasant. Unless you're into that kind of thing.."

"The second method is hitting your head on the wall or a headboard. This usually happens when the person on top isn't paying attention to their surroundings and gets too close to a hard surface. This is why you should never have sex in a room with an exposed brick wall without first scouting the room out. Brick walls hurt. Remember that."

"The third thing that could cause a concussion is having a partner who is into way rougher stuff than you were expecting. They may try to hit you with various things to help them get off, including clubs, individual bricks, passionate midgets, or their own impressive upper body strength into a punch. These people are dangerous, but you don't usually know it until you're both naked and they have a baton strapped to their leg."

"The fourth method involves debris falling from the ceiling. This will usually happen in older buildings with poorly constructed ceilings. Just noting here, if a ceiling collapses on you, you're not meant to get lucky that night. That's just a fact of nature."

"The fifth and final method of getting a concussion during sex only happens when you're outdoors and you're unlucky enough to be in the path of some kind of large animal, like a moose. Mooses hurt."

"Today you'll be breaking into groups of three and focusing on one of our five ways of getting a concussion during sex. You'll be coming up with a list of ways to prevent concussions from the way you choose. Remember, there are only three right prevention methods for each way, so think about it really hard and turn in a list of your three ways at the end of the day."

[OOC: Standard stuff blah blah blah.]

Comments

Activity!: Prevent those Concussions!

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Split up into groups and discuss!

Method 1

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Head to Head Contact

Please discuss ways to prevent head-to-head contact based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 1

[absolutesnark]

Summer was still boggling as she tried to think of some ways to prevent concussions.

Re: Method 1

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

"Maybe if you just kept yourself aware, during the process?" Donatello said slowly, more because he couldn't believe he was saying it at all.

Re: Method 1

[absolutesnark]

Summer nodded. "Having a partner with healing powers would probably be a good idea, too."

She figured, in this town, that wasn't terrible advice.

Re: Method 1

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

He tilted his head. "That would work. But better to prevent the concussion, rather than treat it, right?" Donnie pulled out a notebook, writing down Summer's suggestion in any case.

Re: Method 1

[absolutesnark]

"That's true," Summer agreed. "So maybe there can be protective gear involved. Like a helmet or something."

Method 2

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Head to Wall/Headboard Contact

Please discuss ways to prevent head-to-wall contact based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 2

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny could discuss this one. Really.

Re: Method 2

[senor-chado.livejournal.com]

After taking a moment which to discuss, this one or the one about falling debris (true, that I-Beam didn't fall on him during sex, but you never do know when a random I-Beam would fall on you), Chad went with this one, because, well, he was a big guy. This one was all too known to him.

"So...."

Re: Method 2

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Johnny rubbed his head. "Hit the headboard a time or two have you?" Cause he was not going first.

Re: Method 2

[senor-chado.livejournal.com]

Chad's actions mimicked Johnny's. "A bit more than a time or two," he admitted.

"Best way to prevent them?" he said. "Don't have sex in the alcoves. Smaller than you think they are."

No, it didn't cross Chad's mind that his cabinmate didn't exactly need to know that he was having subtle boysex in the cabin. Or that Johnny probably didn't even realize that it was sex of the boy variety.

Re: Method 2

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

He raised his brows. While Chad was willing to confess about sex in the alcoves, Johnny was not. Johnny didn't want to admit to having sex period since coming to Fandom. Wait, that's really a lie. He didn't want to admit to having sex with a boy. He was still trying to sort it all out in his mind. It might take a while.

"I think not being close to a wall would help too. Possibly a bed in the middle of the room minus a headboard. Or hey, who needs a bed?"

Method 3

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Partners Who Are Way Kinkier Than You Thought and Not In the Good Way

Please discuss ways to prevent overly-kinky parter-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 3

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

"Some kind of personal repellent," Zack said, frowning. "Like mace or pepper spray."

Re: Method 3

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

"You could try hitting them with a lamp," Willow said. "Though that would give them the head injury and I guess that misses the point of the lecture."

Re: Method 3

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

"Given our teacher, I'm not sure there was a point to the lecture."

From anyone else that would have been bitchy, Zack just considered it a statement of fact.

Re: Method 3

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

"Concussions bad," Willow said. "I think we can all agree about that. Now here's where possibly we discuss safe words."

Method 4

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Random Debris Falling From the Ceiling

Please discuss ways to prevent debris-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 4

[henryoredward.livejournal.com]

Henry guessed that he could discuss this topic with the least amount of actual sex discussion. He looked around for a partner.

Method 5

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Wild Animals, Such As Mooses

Please discuss ways to prevent rampaging wild animal-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 5

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel waited for a partner. Somehow this seemed like the topic that would cause the least amount of flailing.

Re: Method 5

[notajar]

"Don't have sex in the woods?" Door suggests.

Re: Method 5

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"That was going to be my first suggestion," Isabel nodded. "Or at least if you are? Make sure it's not mating season for the native species."

Re: Method 5

[notajar]

"Or find a cabin." Door frowns. "That you're not sharing with seven other people."