Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way #4, Monday, Period 3

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

GOB walked up to the now common sight of the dry erase board covered with a sheet. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and sweater combination to project an aura of responsibility. That may have been a mistake during the middle of summer.

"Well, children," he said, trying to exude the air of a children's show host, albeit one who the state had to warn the people in the neighborhood about due to Megan's Law, "I just wanted to remind you what we're all doing here. I'm here to teach you how to be responsible if you give into your hormones and try to screw each other like animals. I'm not trying to promote it, I'm just trying to teach you how to do it safely and intelligently. After all, the only thing I really want is to make sure that you all grow up to be responsible adults."

"That's why today we'll be discussing safe sex. Specifically..." GOB pulled the sheet off the board, revealing the lesson name, "Ways to Avoid Concussions During Sex."

The sad part was that GOB was trying to be sincere in giving the students a lesson in safety and responsibility today.

"There are about three times as many ways to avoid concussions as there are to cause them. And there are five ways to cause them during sex, so that should give us about 13 ways to prevent them." GOB's math was impeccable. "To keep this nice and easy, let's look at the ways that you can get a concussion during sex."

"First, head to head contact. No, I'm not talking about when two gay guys have unintentional crotch-to-crotch contact," GOB said. It was a joke. He was being lighthearted and friendly, but responsible. "No, this is when you're either not paying attention or you're just going loose above the shoulders and you and your partner commit what is called a 'Headbutt of Passion,' which is not what it sounds like." What is sounds like to GOB, that is. "The skull is the hardest bone in the body, but your brain is loose inside of it. So when two heads butt, your brains slosh around and it isn't pleasant. Unless you're into that kind of thing.."

"The second method is hitting your head on the wall or a headboard. This usually happens when the person on top isn't paying attention to their surroundings and gets too close to a hard surface. This is why you should never have sex in a room with an exposed brick wall without first scouting the room out. Brick walls hurt. Remember that."

"The third thing that could cause a concussion is having a partner who is into way rougher stuff than you were expecting. They may try to hit you with various things to help them get off, including clubs, individual bricks, passionate midgets, or their own impressive upper body strength into a punch. These people are dangerous, but you don't usually know it until you're both naked and they have a baton strapped to their leg."

"The fourth method involves debris falling from the ceiling. This will usually happen in older buildings with poorly constructed ceilings. Just noting here, if a ceiling collapses on you, you're not meant to get lucky that night. That's just a fact of nature."

"The fifth and final method of getting a concussion during sex only happens when you're outdoors and you're unlucky enough to be in the path of some kind of large animal, like a moose. Mooses hurt."

"Today you'll be breaking into groups of three and focusing on one of our five ways of getting a concussion during sex. You'll be coming up with a list of ways to prevent concussions from the way you choose. Remember, there are only three right prevention methods for each way, so think about it really hard and turn in a list of your three ways at the end of the day."

[OOC: Standard stuff blah blah blah.]

Comments

Sign In [WS4]

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Collapsey, but not due to a concussion, please.

Re: Sign In [WS4]

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel Evans

Re: Sign In [WS4]

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

Zack Addy

During the Lecture [WS4]

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

The lecture would be even more bizarre if he wasn't trying to be sincere.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

For a change, this week Isabel isn't facepalming during the lecture, it's better described as gaping incredulously.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

About five words in Zack gave up on the lecture and started doodling diagrams in the margins of his notes instead.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[senor-chado.livejournal.com]

And, oddly enough, Chad was pretty sincere about taking notes. If you knew Chad and how many concussions he'd probably received without even realizing it, you'd understand.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny was listening. GOB was a pretty knowledgeable guy. There was this one time Johnny actually hit his head - wasn't pleasant.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[notajar]

This isn't exactly what Door thinks was meant by Safe Sex from her forays onto the internet, but it's also not exactly bad advice...

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[henryoredward.livejournal.com]

Henry was able to pay attention this week; he'd been steeling his nerves. He wrote down everything GOB said. When it got to be too much, he started thinking of other uses for this information.
Or rather, he tried. Henry couldn't think of other situations where he'd be too apt to just bump his head into stuff.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

Willow took notes. It was a class. That was what she did.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[turtle-techie.livejournal.com]

Donatello didn't exactly take notes, but "don't get a concussion" just seemed like common sense to him. Probably because he was a furry.

Re: During the Lecture [WS4]

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

Inara stared at GOB through the entire "lecture." Not that the advice was bad, per se, but she couldn't believe that this was the information he'd chosen to impart.

Activity!: Prevent those Concussions!

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Split up into groups and discuss!

Method 1

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Head to Head Contact

Please discuss ways to prevent head-to-head contact based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Re: Method 1

[absolutesnark]

Summer was still boggling as she tried to think of some ways to prevent concussions.

Method 2

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Head to Wall/Headboard Contact

Please discuss ways to prevent head-to-wall contact based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Method 3

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Partners Who Are Way Kinkier Than You Thought and Not In the Good Way

Please discuss ways to prevent overly-kinky parter-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Method 4

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Random Debris Falling From the Ceiling

Please discuss ways to prevent debris-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Method 5

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Wild Animals, Such As Mooses

Please discuss ways to prevent rampaging wild animal-based concussions during sex. You may submit five answers. If three of them are the methods GOB knows, then you get something.

Activity!: Turn in Your List

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Before the end of the period, please turn in your list of three to five prevention methods. If your group's list includes all three of GOB's solutions, you win something.

No group's list will match GOB's because he didn't bring anything to give to people. He makes empty promises.

Activity!: Try It Out!

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

After people have turned in their lists and discovered that they didn't manage to get all three of GOB's methods, GOB spoke up. "Now, one thing that should have been on everyone's list was 'Use Protection.' In this case, that means a helmet. I have enough bicycle helmets for everyone who wants to see how useful a helmet can be. If you're committed to safe sex, then grab a helmet, put it on, and whack your head into things and people to demonstrate how hard it is to get a concussion while wearing a helmet!"

As a disclaimer, if you are foolish enough to perform this and actually get a concussion (please don't do that second part), GOB will run away, disavowing all responsibility. It's just the way he is.

Talk to GOB [WS4]

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

During or after class, this is where to find him.

He is uncomfortable and sweating. That's wht he gets for wearing a sweater in the summer.

OOC [WS4]

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

GOB's bright sweaters amuse me.

Re: OOC [WS4]

[solo_sword]

...Passionate midgets?