How to be a Hired Gun/Mercenary

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

This week the class was back in the Danger Shop where it looked like it had been turned into some sort of high tech saloon with a Sci-Fi Old West theme.

Hey. It was the way of Jayne's universe. Just roll with it.

"Sometimes when you make a deal you might stretch the truth a little," Jayne said leaning against the bar. "The difference being the amount of money which can keep you running or leaving you in the middle of a xióngmāo xiǎobiàn hú xíngxīng."¹

He pointed to a crate sitting in the middle of the room. "That there cargo is enough foodstuffs to feed about a hundred settlers for a year. Only catch is that every molecule is marked by the government and therefore illegal to smuggle and resell to the highest bidder. A fact you forgot to mention to your client."

Jayne then pointed at said clients. Who did not fit the space cowboy/high tech Old West theme at all.²

"And they ain't too happy about it. Your assignment is to come up with some fib to smooth it over or-"

"BECOME OUR QUEEN!"

Jayne frowned.

"What they said."

--------------------
¹ Panda piss pot of a planet.
² Jayne had trouble creating a new program in the Danger Shop and ended up with a villain from one of Reno's classes. Oops!

Comments

Sign-In

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

Lying!

Re: Sign-In

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor Lamb

Re: Sign-In

[giveherahand]

Mara Jade

Re: Sign-In

[gavegoodface]

Garik Loran

Lecture

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

Wonder at the quality of the lecture! Wonder why the clients look like a bunch of gnomes.

Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

Come up with a lie that will subdue the clients/gnomes anger!

Re: Activity

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor glanced from the cargo, to Jayne, to the ... clients again.

"What exactly do you ask of a potential queen?"

These were important questions.

Re: Activity

[giveherahand]

Mara looked interested as well. "I'm not sleeping with any of them," she said in an undertone to Eleanor. "There are standards."

Re: Activity

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor glanced back in horror. "Wait, you don't suppose it's sexual, do you?"

Because a world of no.

Re: Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

"SQUIRREL BATHS!" (http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130720062251/gravityfalls/images/f/ff/S1e20_squirrel_bath.jpg) all the gnomes shouted in unison.

Except for one who shouted "Shmebulock!" but he seemed in agreement with the squirrel baths.

Re: Activity

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"I would have to bathe squirrels?" Eleanor asked. "What if the squirrels resist? And what, pray tell, is 'shmebulock'?"

She was haggling her own way, Jayne.

Re: Activity

[gavegoodface]

Face grinned. It was possibly not the nicest grin he would ever make.

"Gentlebeings," he declared. "We have heard of your need for a queen and have come with the specific goal of meeting that need. If I may direct your attention towards this way."

Yes, that was Jayne he was pointing at.

"As you can see our royal candidate has a most majestic and regal bearing, and would be sure to satisfy even the most stringent dynastic needs. As I am sure you'll find the match most agreeable, there remains only a question of dowry."

Re: Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

All the gnomes crossed their arms and scowled at Face.

"That's a guy."

They weren't going to be fooled by this.

Again.

Re: Activity

[gavegoodface]

Face was affronted, terribly affronted at the idea he was trying to fool them.

"How incredibly small minded of you." Face's tone made it clear he wasn't mad, he was disappointed. "Saying he can't be your queen just because he's a man. Really, you should be ashamed of yourselves for not even considering the possibility he'd make a fine queen, if not the finest queen just because of a little matter of gender."

Shame, shame, shame.

Re: Activity

[myownface]

There was a long pause here while Sparkle considered just what was going on, here.

"... If I'm Queen, does that mean you guys have to do what I say?"

Because, really, Sparkle was seeing no downsides to this. A couple thousand lawn gnome minions? Fuck yes!

Re: Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

"It means you get to be our blushing bride!" one of the gnomes declared.

The rest let out a huzzah in unison. Except for the one yelling "Shmebulock!"

Re: Activity

[myownface]

Sparkle drummed his fingers against his hip a few times in thought.

"What if I'm, like, no good at blushing? I'm way too shameless for that, guys." A beat. "But, I mean, if I'm your Queen, you'll be happy to know I throw some kickass parties."

... Sparkle, you were supposed to be trying not to become their Queen.

Re: Activity

[doesnotkneel]

This was... this was one of the odder moments Edward had experienced in Jayne's class, and it should bother him that he was already starting a tally.

"Lads," he called, after a moment. "Lads. Really. Would you think we'd simply sell you wares of no value? No, you are clearly-- not seeing the true opportunities of our cargo. After all, how do you expect to find a monarch without some boon to wet her appetite for rule?"

Look, this was weird, but his skills laid in salesmanship. He could make this work.

Re: Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

Ahhh! Finally someone was haggling and fibbing. Jayne nodded in approval from the bar.

"We're not arguing the value. Only that if we get caught by the government we're the ones getting thrown in jail," the lead gnome. "And we're not throwing Schmebulock under the bus without some kind of discount."

The gnome named Schmebulock shuddered and hugged himself as he shivered in fear of the man.

Re: Activity

[tigerundercover]

Raven hung towards the back of the group while some of her fellow students took their turns. When she was reasonably certain that the gnomes weren't looking at her, she turned into one and snuck over to infiltrate their group.

"These people would make terrible queens," she muttered. "We should probably just buy their cargo."

Subtlety, thy name was Raven Darkholme.

Re: Activity

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

The gnomes being a bit of a flock mentality all started to murmur in agreement.

Jayne, who saw the shift change this time, looked impressed and gave the Raven-gnome a thumbs up.

"Shiny."

Weird Girl

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

Aka: The TA!

Talk to Jayne!

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

He's capable of a conversation!

OOC

[notasalad.livejournal.com]

The villains are Shannon's fault for getting me addicted to Gravity Falls.

Re: OOC

[myownface]

VICTORY IS MIIIIINE.

I'm not even remotely apologetic.