fandomhigh | How to be a Hired Gun/Mercenary

This week the class was back in the Danger Shop where it looked like it had been turned into some sort of high tech saloon with a Sci-Fi Old West theme.

Hey. It was the way of Jayne's universe. Just roll with it.

"Sometimes when you make a deal you might stretch the truth a little," Jayne said leaning against the bar. "The difference being the amount of money which can keep you running or leaving you in the middle of a xióngmāo xiǎobiàn hú xíngxīng."¹

He pointed to a crate sitting in the middle of the room. "That there cargo is enough foodstuffs to feed about a hundred settlers for a year. Only catch is that every molecule is marked by the government and therefore illegal to smuggle and resell to the highest bidder. A fact you forgot to mention to your client."

Jayne then pointed at said clients. Who did not fit the space cowboy/high tech Old West theme at all.²

"And they ain't too happy about it. Your assignment is to come up with some fib to smooth it over or-"

"BECOME OUR QUEEN!"

Jayne frowned.

"What they said."

--------------------
¹ Panda piss pot of a planet.
² Jayne had trouble creating a new program in the Danger Shop and ended up with a villain from one of Reno's classes. Oops!

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This was... this was one of the odder moments Edward had experienced in Jayne's class, and it should bother him that he was already starting a tally.

"Lads," he called, after a moment. "Lads. Really. Would you think we'd simply sell you wares of no value? No, you are clearly-- not seeing the true opportunities of our cargo. After all, how do you expect to find a monarch without some boon to wet her appetite for rule?"

Look, this was weird, but his skills laid in salesmanship. He could make this work.

Ahhh! Finally someone was haggling and fibbing. Jayne nodded in approval from the bar.

"We're not arguing the value. Only that if we get caught by the government we're the ones getting thrown in jail," the lead gnome. "And we're not throwing Schmebulock under the bus without some kind of discount."

The gnome named Schmebulock shuddered and hugged himself as he shivered in fear of the man.

Edward looked thoughtful for a bit - in fact, sadly thoughtful, as if the gnomes were stealing his livelihood out from under his nose. "I can give you... five percent," he said. "But no more. This is the finest grade food I've ever gotten my hands on, lads, and it's bloody expensive."

"Forty percent," the lead gnome said shaking his head. "Winter is coming and the jail cells are not heated."

Edward's eyes widened in shock. "Forty percent?!" he said. "I have a wife and children to feed! And what of your queen? How would she feel, finding out you were haggling about her goods?"

"If you have a wife and children to feed then you take your illicit goods and we'll keep our money," The gnome countered. "And we don't have a queen but you would make a fine one for 30%."

"I can't; put our farm up for collateral simply to get you these goods," Edward said quickly. "Have a little heart, man. I'll toss in a couple of sheep if you take it at 10%. Maybe one of 'em'll be your queen - they're clever little buggers."

There were a few hushed murmurs which all involved the word "sheep."

"Twenty five percent," the lead gnome said decisively. "Four sheep and you have to give us your clothes and wear the wedding dress."

How to be a Hired Gun/Mercenary

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