The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage

When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.

"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."

Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!

"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."

The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!

"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"

Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!

Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.

Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)

Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"

Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!

The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."

Comments

Sign-In [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Show us your drunk or drinking selves!

Re: Sign-In [4/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima Yurika

Re: Sign-In [4/18]

[im-afrog.livejournal.com]

Adam Park

Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Be mocked for your pitiful attempts to pick her up.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

Faith would be amused, were she here. Simulated!Faith is also amused, since Faith would be. Isn't that nifty, how that works?

Anyway. Faith's got drinks, and boy, do you need them.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Real booze? Sign Dōjima up!

"A Long Island, please," she said, leaning on the bar. "With a lime, if you've got some."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[raspberryturk]

Screw the picking up thing. Reno was going to sit down, order his usual, and thank something or other that finally, finally there was booze in front of him.

"Everclear? I'm in the mood for some grain today, zoto."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke gave her a bright smile. "Hi! Could I have a beer?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" Jack said, with his most winsome grin. It was very bright.

"How's about a beer?" he asked.

Be Talky Meat [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Choose your doom and attempt to convince them to bump nasties with you.

Goth Boy

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

He is a VAMPYRE. Ask him, he'd be happy to tell you all about it. For hours.

Hooker

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

You have the feeling that scoring with her will not be difficult; it's the not paying that might be problematic.

Bored Girl

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

She's here. She's bored. Booooooooooooored. This bar sucks.

Hipster

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

A hipster of indeterminate gender. Pronoun fun awaits you!

Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

You seriously don't have enough money for that. (No, not in the hooker kind of way.)

Pimp

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

He has a job offer for you, and he's keeping a close eye on his friend the nice lady (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomhigh/1757033.html?thread=107677545#t107677545) over there.

TA Weasley Can Show You How It's Done [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

After all, he did so well in his clip!

Re: TA Weasley Can Show You How It's Done [4/18]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron was extra sulky today and would pretty much do anything to make sure that clip wasn't shown again.

Alcohol Always Works for These Two [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Not that they need it. They don't.

Re: Alcohol Always Works for These Two [4/18]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

Jack sauntered up to Tink like a winful thing. Not that he really needed the automatic A, because he was, clearly, doing excellent in the class.

In his mind, at least.

The OOC [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink is dead serious about the free A for taking a shift. Her awesome Alien Queen Employee is on RL vacation (woo!) which means that other than Romeo on Monday, Tink is all alone. Do not make her deal with several days of people being all people-y at her please?

Re: The OOC [4/18]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

I may be able to throw Jack at her, providing you tell me the truth: Is that the pimp from Taxi Driver?!

Re: The OOC [4/18]

[gobrookeyourself]

I so want to volunteer Brooke, but my weekday availability's apparently shot at the moment. =(

Re: The OOC [4/18]

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

I'm off on Wednesday so Seregil could probably take a shift on that day if needed...

Re: The OOC [4/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima can take Tuesday, except when she's in spy-class. She promises to be her diva-self to any losers that come in.