fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage

When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.

"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."

Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!

"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."

The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!

"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"

Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!

Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.

Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)

Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"

Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!

The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Romeo took a second to decide it wasn't cheating if a)the other girl was simulated and b)your girlfriend was RIGHT THERE and also hitting on the simulation.

He also decided this class was kind of awesome.

He ran a hand through his hair and smiled as he sat on the barstool. "Might I have a beer?" he asked.

"You might," Faith grinned, grabbing a mug and heading for the tap. "Nice how that works out, isn't it? You havin' a good night so far?"

Romeo gave her the once-over. "It is turning into a very good night."

"It's getting better all the time, I gotta say," Faith smirked, handing him his beer. "You wanna move up to something harder, you let me know."

"I think this shall more than do for now," he said, with a slight smile. "One wants to be cautious when there's someone worth impressing."

"Really?" Faith leaned against the bar and grinned. "I'm more the impulsive type. Caution to the wind and all that good stuff."

"I said one wants to be, not one is," Romeo grinned in return. "I feel sorry for those who are always cautious."

He raised an eyebrow. "Have you any impulses now?"

"I always have impulses," she smirked. "Just one big walking impulse. Drives some people crazy. Maybe they just can't handle living on the edge."

"They probably yearn to be 75 and sitting with an afghan over their laps, safe from all harm," Romeo sneered. "I'll take my fun while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. Even if there is some risk."

"Life's got risks," Faith shrugged. "Could cross the street today and get hit by a bus. I'm not the afghan type myself. 75 seems boring. Might as well make things interesting now, right?"

"That is what I have always said," Romeo stated, gesturing excitedly as though Faith had just exactly made his point. "And it is not as if we are guaranteed peace even if we live virtuously, so ... as you say, make things interesting now."

"I'm certainly doing that," she grinned. "But then I was never the virtuous type to begin with. Sin seems far too much fun."

"I have a t-shirt that says 'Sinner,' " Romeo informed her. "I'm told truth in advertising is a good thing."

He leaned back on the stool slightly. "I never quite understood why sin was so much more fun than the alternative."

"I think I need one of those," she laughed. "I have one that says I've got a big package, and then I turned into a guy for a day. Handy to have that around."

She leaned on the bar, considering it. "Maybe that's why that stuff's sinful. 'Cause it's too damn good."

"It's back at my place," Romeo said, making it sound almost off-hand.

"And you may be right, about sin. If everyone indulged all the time ..." he gestured vaguely. "I'm not sure why exactly it would be bad, save someone must pay taxes and keep the roads clear."

"That's why we keep prudes around," Faith grinned. "To pay taxes and clear roads while the rest of us live it up. If they didn't have us to finger-wag at, they might get bored. Are there a lot of interesting things, at your place?"

Romeo noticed the change of subject and grinned. "Not so much, I fear," he said. "I'm a student, so ... my books, a few clothes - " a female roommate he wasn't mentioning since this was fake " - and of course the bed."

"That's enough to be interesting," Faith grinned. "I mean, with the right company and all. My walls change color, based on my mood. In my apartment, I mean. It's nice enough by myself, but with guests? That shit is fascinating."

"You look at the walls when you have guests?" Romeo said. "The guests must be rather dull, then."

"Some of 'em like messing with the colors," she laughed. "Maybe they get distracted easy. Maybe I need a more attentive kinda guest. You think?"

"I think," Romeo answered, "either I should show you my shirt, or you should show me these walls that may be more interesting than your company."

With a smirk, he added, "What time do you get off?"

"An hour," she grinned. "See, I'm being classy, I didn't even make the obvious joke. I'm real ladylike, tonight. My place, so we're not stuck with the dorms?"

"The obvious - oh," Romeo said, a laugh in his voice. "I'll go walk around a bit and see you in a hour, then."

Edited 2008-04-19 11:55 (UTC)

The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

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