The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage

When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.

"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."

Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!

"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."

The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!

"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"

Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!

Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.

Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)

Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"

Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!

The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."

Comments

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

"It is a rather motley group here this evening," Romeo agreed, lighting the cigarette carefully. "What lead one such as yourself to grace us with your presence?"

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Puffing delicately on her cigarette, she crossed her legs, showing off just how lucky he was that she'd shown up. "I was looking for a little...distraction."

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

He was feeling very, very lucky indeed. "I can be," he said sincerely, "very distracting."

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"You think so?" she asked, voice husky from smoke. "I have very high standards."

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

He leaned closer, ostensibly to hear her better, almost but not quite breaching her personal space. "I enjoy exceeding high standards," he said. "Could I, perhaps, at least get you another drink?"

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"It is the least you could do," she agreed, raising her nose in the air and leaning a little toward him. "Martini, extra dry, three olives."

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

"The least, but I hope not the most," he said smoothly, and trotted off to find the drink.

He returned moments later with one for each of them. "Should we have a toast?" he asked.

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

She'd gotten bored waiting, and was tapping her manicured nails against the bar when he returned. "To what, my incredible assets or your lack of speed?"

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

"So you would have rushed the bartender at her craft?" Romeo asked, just slightly put off but enjoying the game. "I came as quickly as she would let me, but I did insist she make the drinks well."

"I should rather drink to you than to me, though."

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"You chose wisely," she smirked, pleased with his response and reaching her glass to clink with his, moving in such a way to emphasize her substantial cleavage. "To me and getting my way."

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

Oh, Romeo liked this girl. Too bad she was fake. "And what would your way be for me?" he asked, after sipping his drink.

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

It really was too bad. "Come closer and I'll tell you," she said, leaning over to whisper the naughty details of her way in his ear.

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

He leaned in obligingly, turning just the tiniest bit pink at her ideas.

"Well," he said when she seemed to be done, reaching a hand up to play in her hair. "We ought to leave the bar, then. Unless you plan to make me wait."