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fandomhigh2008-04-17 11:50 pm
tinkerbitch.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2008-04-17 11:50 pm
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The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)
How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage
When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.
"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."
Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!
"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."
The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!
"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"
Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!
Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.
Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)
Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"
Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!
The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."
When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.
"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."
Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!
"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."
The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!
"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"
Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!
Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.
Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)
Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"
Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!
The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
If she were real, she'd be glad to hear his news, but sadly, Simu!Faith didn't have the right memories for it. Damn.
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Damn, damn fine shit, right there.
"I think most of 'em don't need biohazard signs, yo. Anyone dumb enough to get that close deserves the gangrene or leprosy or whatever shit they end up sufferin' from. Even I'm not that desperate, yo."
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
First, not real.
Second, this was a class assignment thing. And totally didn't count, because he'd never look to seduce the real thing. Respected her and certain other ladies far too much for that.
So this totally didn't count.
"You acceptin', or is it gonna take me sharin' more of my Everclear to get to that point?"
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Reno drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the countertop.
"Or we put the bottle on hold for a bit. If I don't live up to your standards, I'll just give you the rest, yo." Smirk. Lots of smirking. Picking up simulations of his favorite bartender.
What next?
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
"So, it's either I take my time to enjoy my booze and make you question my abilities that way, or I put the booze on hold and I'm desperate, yo?"
He held the bottle toward her glass and raised an eyebrow, smirking. "There some kind of middle ground I'm missin', here?"
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
Only she was allowed to pun on the name, yes.
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
"The way I see it, if you became a bartender lookin' to get some, and I'm sittin' here totally missin' the middle ground, we could probably both benefit from a good strings-free screw."
Subtlety was not Reno's strong point.
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
She had. Totally by accident. And he'd whined about it, too. Ugh.
Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]
"I like it rough," he informed her, because telling Fake-Bartender this was somehow less awkward than telling Real-Bartender might be. "Just cracked 'em? Shit, there should'a at least been some blood involved, yo."