The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage

When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.

"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."

Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!

"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."

The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!

"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"

Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!

Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.

Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)

Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"

Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!

The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."

Comments

Be Talky Meat [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Choose your doom and attempt to convince them to bump nasties with you.

Goth Boy

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

He is a VAMPYRE. Ask him, he'd be happy to tell you all about it. For hours.

Re: Goth Boy

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

There really wasn't much of what Seregil would consider choice, though he did rather like this one's dark eyes.

"Nice eyeliner," he complimented him, sitting down.

Re: Goth Boy

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"It's kohl," he replied, stroking his goatee and surveying Seregil's appearance.

Re: Goth Boy

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

Of course it was. "How very..." Seregil searched his mind for some things he'd read about this world's history, "Egyptian."

Hooker

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

You have the feeling that scoring with her will not be difficult; it's the not paying that might be problematic.

Bored Girl

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

She's here. She's bored. Booooooooooooored. This bar sucks.

Re: Bored Girl

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Hiya!" said Jack. "Name's Jack. What's yours?"

Re: Bored Girl

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

"Megan," she said. She stabbed her ice with her straw a few times.

Megan was a scintillating conversationalist.

Re: Bored Girl

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"That's a good name," he said. Say, was her drink a bit low? He signaled the bartender.

Never let it be said that Jack wasn't considerate when it came to boozing people.

Re: Bored Girl

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Robin didn't drink. And didn't forsee a time when he'd start. Muppets actually tend not to plan hugely far in advance about some things. However a virgin daqueri looked just like a real one, and tasted better besides.

The girl looked bored. Maybe he could entertain her. "Hi there!"

Re: Bored Girl

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

"Hi." She shrugged. "You're a frog."

Exciting girl, Megan was.

Re: Bored Girl

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Ah, more jaded than he'd expected. No matter. "I sure am. I'm Robin, what's your name?"

Hipster

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

A hipster of indeterminate gender. Pronoun fun awaits you!

Re: Hipster

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

The selection was less-than acceptable, but Dōjima had a sneaking suspicion that the professors had done that on purpose. She doubted any of the girls were programed to respond to the females of the class, so that just left the boys. And the hip androgyne.

Einy meeny miney...hipster.

"So, is the herd always this dull around here, or is a special night?" she asked, pausing slightly by her target's seat and smirking. "Sadness. Here I was looking for entertainment."

Re: Hipster

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

"It's like the zoo, watching the trained monkeys dance," said the hipster. No clue as to gender from the voice, it was either tenor or alto and somewhat gravelly from smoking. "People actually do this. Go to a bar and try to pick someone up. It's like witnessing the 1970s."

The hipster was, of course, here ironically. The hipster would breathe ironically if the hipster could figure out how.

Re: Hipster

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"Please, the monkeys have better hygiene. This is more like the dance of the hippo. Completely unwieldy and covered in mud."

"Although I fail to see how it's like witnessing the seventies. At least the seventies had less of a sense of desperation to it, from all accounts," she mused, sipping her drink. "The cheap booze, the cheaper perfume, what a waste. The bartender certainly knows her craft, and is completely unappreciated by the vast majority of her patrons."

Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

You seriously don't have enough money for that. (No, not in the hooker kind of way.)

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

He seriously did, was the thing. Or he could act like he still did.

Romeo started small; the glances at her, and away, designed to make her notice him and make her think he was, perhaps, too shy to approach her, to catch her eye so anything he said to her seemed inevitable. He was also circling the room, slowly moving into her orbit.

Re: Snob

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Noticing his looks, she rolled her eyes and pulled a cigarette out of a lovely golden case. "What do I have to do for a light in this place?" she muttered.

Re: Snob

[withoutverona]

Even though he hardly smoked anymore, Romeo still carried a lighter, perhaps just for situations like this.

"For you," he said, holding the engraved silver thing out to her, eyes intent, "only ask, and it is yours."

Pimp

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

He has a job offer for you, and he's keeping a close eye on his friend the nice lady (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomhigh/1757033.html?thread=107677545#t107677545) over there.

Re: Pimp

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River approached the man. "Can I borrow your hat?" she asked.

Re: Pimp

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

The man eyed River over once, then grinned appreciatively. "You're not gonna mess it up, are you, sweetheart?"

Re: Pimp

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"I will consider it a precious commodity," River told him. "How is business?"