The Art of Cool: Class 14, Period 2 (Friday, April 18)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

How to Use Alcohol to Your Advantage

When students met Tink and Barney in Ye Old Danger Shoppe, they might do a double take as it was set up to look just like a certain local bar. Complete with a certain hot local bartender. Happily, while Tink and Barney lectured, she was muted, lest she interrupt their talk.

"Today is a special last class before your final," Barney announced. "We are here to discuss how the many forms of alcohol can assist you in raising your personal Coolness, your own Hotness, and the Hotness of those around you."

Or it could lower your standards! Let's say you were amazingly Cool - well. Let's pretend you were someone else who was amazingly Cool, like Tink or Barney. Sometimes at a bar all you see are boring, ugly people. You can't stand listening to them talk. You can't imagine being bored enough to go home with them. Luckily, a few drinks made them seem fascinating and cute! When the drinks wear off in the morning, that's when you leave and never look back. It was simple and easy!

"Especially the leaving and not looking back," Barney said. "I have a form letter, if any of you need extra help with that last part."

The best part was that the process worked in reverse. The more they drank, the more fascinating and cute you appeared to be! Not that Barney or Tink ever needed help in that department, but for some of this class, it might be their only hope of not dying a virgin. Get someone good and loaded, and they wouldn't notice your gaping personality flaws or your hideous excuse for personal hygiene. They might think that awful top you insist on wearing is eccentric! Believe in yourselves, children! And more importantly, believe in the power of beer goggles!

"Or, like Weasley, you can attempt some liquid courage to hit on those much hotter than you and then pass out when they even seem to be considering it." He laughed for a moment. "Ah, memories!"

Could they show the clip again? Could they? Could they? Tink loved that clip!

Barney took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. "Unfortunately there's not time, but I'll give you a special post-class viewing, how about that?" There was drinking to be done, after all.

Hooray! Hooray! The clip! And look, children, liquor! This was a very special place! Absinthe lived here! The liquor was very real so they should drink up! And try to pick up the not-as-real bar patrons! Hooray! Barney and Tink had added all sorts of interesting people for them to hit on! Tink was especially proud of a few of her creations. (This meant that the students should probably be very afraid, right about now.)

Barney grinned evilly, incredibly pleased with the horrors they'd programmed into the simulation. "Oh, Ms. Bell, didn't you have a Special Announcement for our most willing to please students?"

Oh! Yes! Did anyone want to take a shift at Pixie Dust this week? Because prom was coming up and Tink hated people and did any of them want a free A in this class that they were far too uncool to pass otherwise? They did, right? See Tink after class! Do it! Do it now!

The evil look was still in place. He liked alternative assessments. "Now, brave students, step up to the bar. Extra points if you land the bartender."

Comments

Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Be mocked for your pitiful attempts to pick her up.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

Faith would be amused, were she here. Simulated!Faith is also amused, since Faith would be. Isn't that nifty, how that works?

Anyway. Faith's got drinks, and boy, do you need them.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Real booze? Sign Dōjima up!

"A Long Island, please," she said, leaning on the bar. "With a lime, if you've got some."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Always got some handy," Faith said, pulling out a glass and filling it with ice. "You here trying to pick someone up? Good luck."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[raspberryturk]

Screw the picking up thing. Reno was going to sit down, order his usual, and thank something or other that finally, finally there was booze in front of him.

"Everclear? I'm in the mood for some grain today, zoto."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Straight up?" Faith asked. "Brave man. Bad day?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke gave her a bright smile. "Hi! Could I have a beer?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Bet your ass," Faith said, grabbing a mug and heading over to the tap. "Havin' a good night?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River looked at the simulated version of Faith. "Am supposed to order drinks from you," she said, without much enthusiasm.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"And I'm supposed to serve them," Faith said with a nod. "Great how that works out, isn't it? What can I get you?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron's eyes bugged out a bit as he saw Faith.

"I need a very strong drink," Ron requested and then took a deep breath before adding very quickly "andthenanightofnostringsattachedsex."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Beg your pardon, junior?" Faith smirked. "I heard the something hard, but not the rest of it."

She did. She was just evil.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber sat down at the bar. "But I don't drink. I'm not a drinker. Maybe had one or two at a party before... okay and maybe one at the beach in Mexico... but seriously, I'm not a drinker." Sigh. "Okay, I've been to Caritas too but never have I been drunk. That was just to watch the zombies."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Calm down, kiddo," Faith smiled. "I can get you something light and girly. Daquiri maybe? Or just a Coke. Lie and say it's got rum in it, I won't tell if you don't."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[withoutverona]

Romeo took a second to decide it wasn't cheating if a)the other girl was simulated and b)your girlfriend was RIGHT THERE and also hitting on the simulation.

He also decided this class was kind of awesome.

He ran a hand through his hair and smiled as he sat on the barstool. "Might I have a beer?" he asked.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"You might," Faith grinned, grabbing a mug and heading for the tap. "Nice how that works out, isn't it? You havin' a good night so far?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

"Scotch, if you please," Seregil bade with a charming smile.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"I do please," Faith grinned, swiping a glass and filling it with Scotch. "And I got you some Scotch, too."

Faith: not much with the subtlety.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[gobrookeyourself]

Since this was only a simulation, it wasn't weird, and therefore Brooke didn't have to worry about that not-really-liking-girls-Jenny-didn't-count thing. Which was why she started off with, "I'll have Sex on the Bar."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"You get splinters," Faith said, grabbing a glass and making the drink. "Bar stool's much better, but it's a shitty drink name."

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

"Water, thank you," Zack said. He didn't trust any alcoholic beverages supplied by Barney.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"Livin' it up tonight?" Faith laughed. "You want lime or lemon or whatever with that?"

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

"Beer?" Marco asked, trying to pretend that he actually did this.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" Jack said, with his most winsome grin. It was very bright.

"How's about a beer?" he asked.

Re: Get a Drink and Hit on Faith [4/18]

[neverfaithful.livejournal.com]

"If you've got the money, I've got the beer," Faith said, grabbing a mug and hitting the tap. "'S how this place works. Nice system going."