So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

[betterthanaplan]

The Danger Shop had been programmed into the deck of a classic tall ship, complete with multiple masts and sails, three different deck levels, and way, way too many ropes. There were barrels and crates aplenty for the students to use as desks, so long as they didn't mind said barrels and crates occasionally sliding around as the boat drifted along the swells.

Their teacher showed up a couple minutes late, looking ruffled and disgruntled, and — facial hair aside — not really at all like he should be leading a class called "So You Want to Be a Pirate". He was much too clean, for one, and had all his limbs. He didn't even have a pirate hat on!

"Alright, alright!" he called, as he stumbled backwards through the door. "Fine! I'm here, okay? Call off the damn moose!"

He tripped over a rope, flailed his way through a stumble, and turned to get a full look at his "classroom."

". . . Holy shit. Okay. Sure. This is definitely a thing that's happening."

Such professionalism.

He rubbed a hand over his face and blinked around at the students, then sighed and gathered himself. "Hi. Right. So. Welcome to pirate class. I guess. I'm Duke Crocker. You can call me Duke. The description for this class makes me out to be a pirate, which isn't entirely true? But I'm probably the closest you'll get who's not going to fucking kill any of you, so sure. Why not."

Yeah, he was off to a great start here.

"Um. Okay. So the weirdly gossipy radio station you all have around here makes it sound like introductions are the thing to do the first week, and considering I just got bullied in here by a moose, it's safe to assume I don't have a lesson plan. So introductions it is. Let's go with name, sailing experience, and . . . favorite historical or fictional pirate? Sure. Yeah. That's a plan. I'll . . . go first? I already told you I'm Duke. I grew up in a harbor town, so I've been on boats my whole life, though — not quite ones like this one." He was going to have to look up how to run a damn tall ship, wasn't he. "And as for favorite pirates, I gotta go with Ching Shih. She was a Chinese pirate from the 18th century. Born in poverty, worked as a prostitute, and ended up commanding eighty thousand other pirates in her prime, which is a hell of a success story. They say her first rule of conduct was that anyone giving any orders that didn't come direct from her got beheaded on the spot. Woman did not like insubordination." A beat. "Seriously, you all, pirates will fucking kill you, please don't take to the seas expecting loveable drunks who sing sea shanties. Like, they probably will also get drunk and sing. But, you know. Also there's murder."

He let that hang in the air for a moment, then clapped his hands and pointed to one of the students. "Okay. Now you. Name, sailing experience, favorite pirate. Go."

Comments

Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

Name, sailing experience, and favorite pirate. Explaining the ways said pirate would kill you not required, but likely to earn you bonus points.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[in_sidon_we_trust]

Ah! They were all there on a large sailing vessel, on the open (fake) sea, there had been an incredible story of a truly ruthless and successful pirate, and now there were to be introductions! There were even some people in the class he had not met yet to make the introduction that much more viable, although, feeling terribly proud of this for some reason, the instructor was not one of them!

"Hello!" he started out brightly, somehow managing to not bounce too much from foot to foot in his eagerness. "I am Sidon!" And, of course, he pumped his fist heartily across his chest and flashed his most brilliant, toothy smile, and, no, he would never, ever grow tired of doing that. "The Zora Prince! My sailing experience is a little limited, as I usually don't bother with boats when I'm out to sea," he chuckled a bit, finding that to be terribly clever "but I'm always thrilled to learn new things and I have taken a ship course at this school before I think??. It can never hurt for one to improve their skills, after all, especially when those skills are rather new and novel!

"And as for my favorite pirate," if you thought Sidon's grin was big before, oh, boy, just you wait until he finished this doozy, "why, she just so happens to be right here on this fine vessel with us! How could I absolutely, positively choose anyone other than the adventurous, the audacious, the ceaselessly cunning and splendidly radiant thief of my very own heart, none other than the stealthy and sensational Vette! I can hardly see how any other pirate can even begin to compare!"

It was true that Vette was pretty much the only pirate Sidon knew of because I'll be fucked before I try to make sense of the supposed LoZ timeline , but he didn't believe a detail like that should make his statements any less applicable.

Also, it was Sidon in a class with Vette. Completely unashamed and unabashed bouts of adoring praise were gonna happen, might as well just get used to it.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[chirpchirpchirp]

Was Vette turning a very fetching shade of purple? You BET Vette was turning a very fetching shade of purple, laughing softly and burying her face in her hand.

She was muttering something under her breath in Ryl that might or might not have amounted to a simple, "oh no."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[in_sidon_we_trust]

That was quite possibly the most fetching shade of purple that Sidon had ever seen, and a reaction like that could only make his radiant smile brighter with pride as he chuckled.

"Ah, yes," he added with a wink, "how could I have failed to mention that, on top of all those marvelous and admirable traits, she is also so wonderfully, charmingly modest as well?"

Hopefully, no one had started to feel a bit seasick, because this was probably not going to help.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"That's . . ." So sweet it was sickening. ". . . very nice, your, uh. Highness." Pun very much intended. "Seriously. Very romantic. I gotta know you understand what a pirate is, though. There anything particularly pirate-y your girl's done? Other than steal your heart?"

Re: Introduce yourselves

[in_sidon_we_trust]

And there, in that moment, as Sidon opened his mouth and took a deep breath as if ready to launch into another rousing bout of acolades for his piratical paramour, he realized a bit too late the potential problems with singing the praises of this particular aspect of Vette's perfectly incredible self.

"Well," he said, switching over to a decidedly more diplomatic approach, "the details of her accomplishments in this particular field, I feel, would be much more appropriately disclosed from the source herself, if she so desired to reveal such exploits. They are, after all, her stories to tell. But I can attest to the fact that her strength and fortitude and experience would place her firmly in competition with even some of the most incredible examples you have to offer."

And the cool, steady resolve of dedication to that point was not quite as boisterious as the lovesick fool he'd been just a moment ago, but it was absolutely no less intense.

But the grin surfaced very soon after, unable to be held back for too long as he added, "I assure you, the complete capturing of a Zora heart is but a small fleck of a rupee on the dazzling mountain of her successes, and it will hardly be her last."

The seriousness swept back in again, as if ebbing and flowing with a tine. "Of course, with such a shining example to lead the way, I already have a fantastic model to follow in the concepts of piracy, but I'm sure there is a significant more to learn. That would be where this class comes in, now, wouldn't it? I shall need all the help I can receive, if I'm to ever even begin to dream about keeping up! Proper piracy is hardly the something they typically teach to princes."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[chirpchirpchirp]

"Hey," Vette said, lounging back against a barrel with her arms crossed over her chest and a little smirk on her lips. "I'm Vette. No experience on a boat, exactly, but plenty of experience on a ship. Just..." She eyed Duke appraisingly. "Probably not any kind of ship you have experience with."

Sorry, bud. You looked a little 'Earth Standard' for that.

"Favorite pirate, though? Hands-down that would be Nok Drayen. Became the richest pirate in the galaxy overnight when he bombed out a whole pirate settlement using a deadly nerve toxin. Killed half the members of the Hutt Cartel in a single night, and nobody, not even his own crew, knows how he pulled that off. They gave him an entire sector just to keep him from killing the other half. And then, to top it off, he took down the Rath Cartel AND the Vandelhelm Combine during the Syndicate Wars." She paused for a moment. "But that's not why I like him. He also did this thing? In the years before he vanished? Where if any gangster he took down had slaves..." She shrugged. "He gave them a choice. Join him or be free. No strings. Just... That. Freedom or a job."

She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment. "Ol' Nok was as cold as the belly of an ice lizard, but for all his murder and plunder, he knew who to point those cannons at."

And Vette was forever grateful to him for that.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"Gonna go out on a limb here and guess you're more familiar with space ships," Duke said. He was, in fact, very Earth standard. But thanks to his conversation with Kitty yesterday, he was also realizing that his threshold for weird was much, much higher than he'd previously have thought. "I imagine while the medium's different, the spirit of it's pretty much the same: long trips through dangerous environments with only your ship and your crew to rely on? There's a reason they're both called 'ships'."

He listened carefully to her description, nodding along. "Guy sounds like a fine pirate indeed. And hey, you gotta respect an anti-slavery stance. There's stories of historic pirates on Earth doing the same kind of thing. If you're gonna be a ruthless killer, might as well be doing it for a good cause, right?"

Re: Introduce yourselves

[chirpchirpchirp]

"A great cause," Vette replied, "though I don't think 'free the slaves' was his main motivation? Just... kind of something he did along the way."

She shrugged.

"He was the greatest bad guy out there, you know? And then, out of nowhere, he just..." She made a little poof gesture with her hands. "Disappeared. There are plenty of theories about what happened to him, but I don't buy any of them. Nok wasn't the sort to let anything short of flying into a sun be the end of him, and even then, I'd put my credits on Nok being the winner there."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[following_my_fishie]

"Um, hi? I'm Delirium and I have lots and lots of sailing experience! Only not on boats like this? But this is a nice boat! It's just not like the boats I make. This is bigger? And has sail things and goes in water. Um. Um. Ummmmm and for pirates I think Anne Bonny and Mary Read? I can't pick one of them, not just one of them because they were together, you see, and that wouldn't be nice. They were very good pirates!"

And then she was distracted because there was a crow's nest and she wanted to be in that! So there went the tiny girl in pirate garb, walking up an invisible set of stairs that existed for nobody but her.

Barnabas sighed, "She's going to be up there all day."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"They were, in fact, very goo--where is she going?"

Duke watched her climb to the crow's nest with a sort of resigned boggling that said Fandom had broken him already and he honestly couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

And, well. At least this kid's version of crazy was one he felt familiar with. He'd spent most of his life chasing after delirium in some form or other.

He looked back at the -- talking dog. "I guess I don't really have to worry about her falling, do I."

What with the air-walking business and all.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[following_my_fishie]

"Up here!" Delirium said cheerfully, leaning out the crow's nest to give Duke a sunny wave and a bright little crow of, "Ahoy, matey! Shiver me timbers! Land aho!"

If he'd spent time chasing her, there was a good chance he'd passed through her Realm a time or two. She didn't recognize him right away but all that meant was that he hadn't spent too much time there. If he was one of hers, eventually she would notice.

Barnabas sighed and watched her go. "You don't have to worry about her falling, no. Little things like 'the laws of gravity' and 'physics' and 'reality' don't apply to her. Even if she fell, she wouldn't get hurt and she can't be killed. It's far more likely the floor would turn into a giant ball pit or a trampoline or something. It's no use telling her to be careful. She doesn't know what careful is."

He inclined his head, "I'm Barnabas. I take care of the Lady Delirium, for such care as can be taken."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[raisedbybooklice]

"I'm Elisabeth Scrivener," Elisabeth said when it was her turn. "I've never been sailing before. I'd never even seen the ocean before I showed up here."

And the tiny waterway that provided Summershall with its water was barely big enough for a canoe, never mind a proper boat.

"My favorite pirate? I suppose that would have to be Captain Omoira of the Basilisk. She's, umm, a character from a story I read growing up, not a real person. Austermeer is landlocked, we haven't really any historical pirates."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"Hey, I included the fictional option for a reason. Can you tell us more about Captain Omoira? What made her memorable, maybe?"

Re: Introduce yourselves

[raisedbybooklice]

"Well!" Elisabeth said, sitting up a little straighter. "She ended up on her first ship by accident, running away from a mob of townsfolk and hiding in a wine barrel. She ended up on the Basilisk as something like a foundling-" which resonated with Elisabeth for Reasons "-getting adopted by the captain, and working her way up to becoming the captain after a sorcerer's curse destroyed the ship and killed most of the crew..."

This was a whole series, Elisabeth could talk about this all day.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[midichlorianfail]

"Theron. I've been knocking about the hyperspace lanes nearly as long as I've been alive." It was what happened when you where raised by a crazy old Jedi. "Which is how I know about the Captain of the Red Hulls."

He paused for effect. "See, someone like Nok Drayen's impressive and all, but that level of infamy's going to lead to a target on your back. Better to be a ghost, and the Captain of the Red Hulls is a ghost, no one even know what species they are, just that ships that hit by them are found floating empty in space, no sign of the crew." Another pause. "Except in the galley's conservator."

Look, he'd come up with the Red Hulls when he was ten and still under the impression there was something cool about cannibalism, rather than just being sad and creepy.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"In the galley's -- that like a fridge or something?" Duke shook his head. "That's . . . very creepy. And a fine example of how pirates can and will fucking kill you. Thank you."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[rotten2thecore]

Evie was bouncing only slightly. This class was almost as fun as ones at the Hall, but so different than Auradon.

"My name is Evie and I'm from..." She straightened up proudly. "I was born on the Isle of the Lost." She looked around to make sure no one was going to yell about anything upsetting and then looked back at the teacher. "I've been on the Lost Revenge but wew weren't allowed to go anywhere on here since we couldn't get out to the open seas due to other things."

She tilted her head. "Well, the most famous pirate back home is Captain James Hook but that's just because he's an evil jerk and tried to kill Peter Pan. His children are smarter than he is. My favorite pirate will probably be Uma because she just takes control."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded slowly. He followed . . . maybe half of that.

Lost Revenge was a pretty sweet name for a boat, though.

"Uma, huh? What sorts of things has she taken control of?"

Re: Introduce yourselves

[rotten2thecore]

Evie tilted her head as she pondered the best way to answer that question. "Well, she's one of the few girls that make Hook's son and Gaston's youngest son respect her. She has no problems taking control of a situation so it will be interesting to see if she ends up being the next Pirate Captain."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[axe2grind]

"Jack. Or Jack Two, if Jack the teacher is here," Jack said, trying to look blase' about another foray into suddenly being somewhere he didn't expect. "No sailing experience, really. Rowing experience?" Did that even count? "And the only rather famous pirate from Oz was Captain Samuel Salt, who discovered quite a few islands. Although he was more of a confidence man than a pirate, really."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

Duke's eyebrows went up, and he smiled.

"Jack Two. You get extra credit for knowing the difference between a con man and a pirate."

Re: Introduce yourselves

[axe2grind]

"Well, he didn't kill anyone. Or even abscond with any ships," Jack said, looking a little embarrassed. Really, Captain Salt was not a sterling example of piracy. "Except for stealing islands, or at least claiming them in the name of the Queen of Oz when, well. He wasn't actually working for the Queen."

Jack wasn't sure that piracy was really something he needed to learn, but sailing could come in handy? Probably? "Umm. So, how did you become a pirate? A sort-of pirate?"

Re: Introduce yourselves

[mylandmyrules]

Nell looked a little stunned to be in this class. Must have been some strange sort of paperwork mix-up.

"Um... I'm Nell Ingram," she said. "And I don't have any experience with ships or pirates. I couldn't even tell you the name of a pirate." Slightly sheltered here.

She was definitely going to have to do some research.

Re: Introduce yourselves

[betterthanaplan]

"Really?" Duke asked, surprised. "Not even from a story? They don't have to have sailed or anything. Sometimes pirates are more like . . . highway men. Ruling over roads instead of sea. Or space."

Since there'd been more than one space pirate brought up by her classmates so far.