fandomhigh | So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

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pirating

So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

The Danger Shop had been programmed into the deck of a classic tall ship, complete with multiple masts and sails, three different deck levels, and way, way too many ropes. There were barrels and crates aplenty for the students to use as desks, so long as they didn't mind said barrels and crates occasionally sliding around as the boat drifted along the swells.

Their teacher showed up a couple minutes late, looking ruffled and disgruntled, and — facial hair aside — not really at all like he should be leading a class called "So You Want to Be a Pirate". He was much too clean, for one, and had all his limbs. He didn't even have a pirate hat on!

"Alright, alright!" he called, as he stumbled backwards through the door. "Fine! I'm here, okay? Call off the damn moose!"

He tripped over a rope, flailed his way through a stumble, and turned to get a full look at his "classroom."

". . . Holy shit. Okay. Sure. This is definitely a thing that's happening."

Such professionalism.

He rubbed a hand over his face and blinked around at the students, then sighed and gathered himself. "Hi. Right. So. Welcome to pirate class. I guess. I'm Duke Crocker. You can call me Duke. The description for this class makes me out to be a pirate, which isn't entirely true? But I'm probably the closest you'll get who's not going to fucking kill any of you, so sure. Why not."

Yeah, he was off to a great start here.

"Um. Okay. So the weirdly gossipy radio station you all have around here makes it sound like introductions are the thing to do the first week, and considering I just got bullied in here by a moose, it's safe to assume I don't have a lesson plan. So introductions it is. Let's go with name, sailing experience, and . . . favorite historical or fictional pirate? Sure. Yeah. That's a plan. I'll . . . go first? I already told you I'm Duke. I grew up in a harbor town, so I've been on boats my whole life, though — not quite ones like this one." He was going to have to look up how to run a damn tall ship, wasn't he. "And as for favorite pirates, I gotta go with Ching Shih. She was a Chinese pirate from the 18th century. Born in poverty, worked as a prostitute, and ended up commanding eighty thousand other pirates in her prime, which is a hell of a success story. They say her first rule of conduct was that anyone giving any orders that didn't come direct from her got beheaded on the spot. Woman did not like insubordination." A beat. "Seriously, you all, pirates will fucking kill you, please don't take to the seas expecting loveable drunks who sing sea shanties. Like, they probably will also get drunk and sing. But, you know. Also there's murder."

He let that hang in the air for a moment, then clapped his hands and pointed to one of the students. "Okay. Now you. Name, sailing experience, favorite pirate. Go."

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Delirium used to be Delight. And her brother Destruction had ditched her so as not to do anymore damage.

What a deeply depressing worldview. Duke wanted a drink just thinking about it.

"I don't bore easily," he said absently, still looking up at the tiny brightly colored girl playing in the crow's nest. "Right. Well. Guess I'd better actually, like. Plan classes."

And maybe deemphasize the murder warnings a little, let the kids lean into the romanticized pirate play-acting.

Delirium used to be Delight. Fuck, that was going to stick to him.

Delirium had never told her family what caused the change. She tried very hard not to think about or remember it and so she didn't and thus nobody knew why she'd changed. Not even Destiny, which irritated him to no end. Destruction had left afterward and it was possible that his isolation was at least in part from trying to contain an urge to go walking through the world and the Realms to find the cause. He knew what would happen if he did. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd cried havoc, after all. To do so would hurt her, his tiny sister. So he stayed on his mountain - or wherever he'd taken himself off to this time - and let people cause such destruction as they could devise without his direct intervention.

"That's good," Barnabas said, still with that canine grin, "The island is mostly boring with brief forays into the very exciting."

Duke let out a small laugh at that. "Sounds like life at sea."

"Possibly like 'The Voyages of Sinbad' or 'The Odyssey'," Barnabas mused, "Yes, possibly it sounds very like life at sea."

"Fan of the classics, eh, Barnabas?" Duke asked. He tried to decide if the dog had read them himself, or maybe done, like, an audiobook version.

Neither mental image really made any sense.

"You always ship out expecting high adventure, but honestly, most of the time you're just reading or meditating."

Duke had gotten quite good at meditating.

"Fan of the classics," Barnabas agreed, "Of course when I read them, they weren't classics, they were new releases." He was mostly teasing. He wasn't quite that old, though some days he felt ancient.

"Much like my job," he added after a moment, "Some days, high adventure. Other days, she's building pillow forts or leaving cocoa for her roommate."

Duke added "ancient weird talking dog" to his list of things that he'd probably have a minor freak out about later, in the privacy of his own staterooms.

"See, now, that sounds adorable." Delightful, even. "And hey, at least you've got each other for company, right?"

"We do, and she's trying hard to make friends with everyone she meets." Barnabas huffed something that sounded like a chuckle, "I don't have such problem. Everyone likes dogs. Well. Everyone worth bothering with." Bias showing? Sure.

Delirium took that moment to put her cutlass between her teeth and grab a rope. She slid down and from nowhere came the Pirates of the Caribbean theme bass line. Dah Dah DAH DAH DAH DAHDAH Dah Dah dahdahdahdah! She gave a small cheer, landed, and then went climbing back up the stairs to the crow's nest again.

"I suspect she's going to enjoy this class," Barnabas said, amused.

"Even if I screw it up," Duke said softly. He raised his hand toward's Barnabas, then stopped and gave the dog a sharp look. "My instinct is to pet you. Would that be weird?"

Barnabas was definitely grinning like the doofy dog he actually was at that. "It would not be weird, but thank you for asking first. You may pat me."

After a bit, he offered, "This is one of those things where if you're worried about it, you probably won't screw it up. Sometimes I think the important part of these classes is for the students to learn to think and adapt to different learning environments. Some of the classes are not.. what's the phrase? Rocket science."

A beat.

"But then, some of the classes are quite literally rocket science, too."

"Man, if my high school had offered rocket science, I might've actually shown up more often." He'd always been interested in how things worked, after all. "Also if it had had weird indoor tall ships like this."

Barnabas tilted his head, "It's not real, you know. It's a hard-light projection. A hologram. The room can be programmed for different things. You could make it be anything you wanted."

"Had me worried there for a sec on that 'not real' thing," Duke said. "A hologram, huh? Guess this really is the future."

Though he was pretty sure 11 years wasn't actually long enough for his world's tech to advance to casual use of fully immersive, "hard light" holograms.

"I wouldn't know," Barnabas said simply, "It's hard to keep track of which when we're in. Delirium doesn't often pay attention when she wanders." And it got REALLY ANNOYING when she wandered off without him, so he'd become used to her jaunts through the various realities and times and.. everything.

Time-traveling ancient talking dog companion of an anthropomorphized state of consciousness.

He was going to have to meditate so hard tonight. And/or drink heavily.

"It's my first time," he said. "Before this weekend, I'd only ever time traveled the usual way."

"That's usually the best way," Barnabas said, amused, "The other sort gets a little confusing for most people." Doggy grin, "And when they try and explain, most other people think they've been spending more time with my mistress than they actually have been."

Duke had to nod at that. "I wondered if my ex had slipped me something," he admitted. "Wouldn't have been the first time, though she usually at least asked first."

Barnabas tilted his head, "If that something is psychotropic, you might want to be careful about it here. Drugs and alcohol are the two most common methods people use to invite her for a visit, or to take a trip to her Realm. If you've been there before or if she's visited you, she will know you. She just doesn't always remember that she knows - until she does." A little more quietly, he said, "If you invite her, she will show up. She doesn't like to be rude, you see, and she doesn't like people to be alone in that state."

Duke opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking back up at where Delirium was playing.

". . . Right. Good to know."

He had done so many drugs in his time.

"What does she actually do when she shows up?"

"She keeps you safe. She walks with you through her Realm and keeps you safe so you can walk out the other side unharmed when your time with her is done. Sometimes people stay there and she makes them welcome when they do, but she never really wants anyone to. It's not a place that's truly fit to live in." Barnabas looked up at her, "That's why she's sometimes very scattered. Even when she's here with you, she's with everyone visiting her Realm, too. Not everything in her Realm is friendly and she's very careful about that part."

"She makes sure it's a good trip," Duke summarized. "Sounds like a good friend to have."

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So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

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