fandomhigh | So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

The Danger Shop had been programmed into the deck of a classic tall ship, complete with multiple masts and sails, three different deck levels, and way, way too many ropes. There were barrels and crates aplenty for the students to use as desks, so long as they didn't mind said barrels and crates occasionally sliding around as the boat drifted along the swells.

Their teacher showed up a couple minutes late, looking ruffled and disgruntled, and — facial hair aside — not really at all like he should be leading a class called "So You Want to Be a Pirate". He was much too clean, for one, and had all his limbs. He didn't even have a pirate hat on!

"Alright, alright!" he called, as he stumbled backwards through the door. "Fine! I'm here, okay? Call off the damn moose!"

He tripped over a rope, flailed his way through a stumble, and turned to get a full look at his "classroom."

". . . Holy shit. Okay. Sure. This is definitely a thing that's happening."

Such professionalism.

He rubbed a hand over his face and blinked around at the students, then sighed and gathered himself. "Hi. Right. So. Welcome to pirate class. I guess. I'm Duke Crocker. You can call me Duke. The description for this class makes me out to be a pirate, which isn't entirely true? But I'm probably the closest you'll get who's not going to fucking kill any of you, so sure. Why not."

Yeah, he was off to a great start here.

"Um. Okay. So the weirdly gossipy radio station you all have around here makes it sound like introductions are the thing to do the first week, and considering I just got bullied in here by a moose, it's safe to assume I don't have a lesson plan. So introductions it is. Let's go with name, sailing experience, and . . . favorite historical or fictional pirate? Sure. Yeah. That's a plan. I'll . . . go first? I already told you I'm Duke. I grew up in a harbor town, so I've been on boats my whole life, though — not quite ones like this one." He was going to have to look up how to run a damn tall ship, wasn't he. "And as for favorite pirates, I gotta go with Ching Shih. She was a Chinese pirate from the 18th century. Born in poverty, worked as a prostitute, and ended up commanding eighty thousand other pirates in her prime, which is a hell of a success story. They say her first rule of conduct was that anyone giving any orders that didn't come direct from her got beheaded on the spot. Woman did not like insubordination." A beat. "Seriously, you all, pirates will fucking kill you, please don't take to the seas expecting loveable drunks who sing sea shanties. Like, they probably will also get drunk and sing. But, you know. Also there's murder."

He let that hang in the air for a moment, then clapped his hands and pointed to one of the students. "Okay. Now you. Name, sailing experience, favorite pirate. Go."

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"I wouldn't know," Barnabas said simply, "It's hard to keep track of which when we're in. Delirium doesn't often pay attention when she wanders." And it got REALLY ANNOYING when she wandered off without him, so he'd become used to her jaunts through the various realities and times and.. everything.

Time-traveling ancient talking dog companion of an anthropomorphized state of consciousness.

He was going to have to meditate so hard tonight. And/or drink heavily.

"It's my first time," he said. "Before this weekend, I'd only ever time traveled the usual way."

"That's usually the best way," Barnabas said, amused, "The other sort gets a little confusing for most people." Doggy grin, "And when they try and explain, most other people think they've been spending more time with my mistress than they actually have been."

Duke had to nod at that. "I wondered if my ex had slipped me something," he admitted. "Wouldn't have been the first time, though she usually at least asked first."

Barnabas tilted his head, "If that something is psychotropic, you might want to be careful about it here. Drugs and alcohol are the two most common methods people use to invite her for a visit, or to take a trip to her Realm. If you've been there before or if she's visited you, she will know you. She just doesn't always remember that she knows - until she does." A little more quietly, he said, "If you invite her, she will show up. She doesn't like to be rude, you see, and she doesn't like people to be alone in that state."

Duke opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking back up at where Delirium was playing.

". . . Right. Good to know."

He had done so many drugs in his time.

"What does she actually do when she shows up?"

"She keeps you safe. She walks with you through her Realm and keeps you safe so you can walk out the other side unharmed when your time with her is done. Sometimes people stay there and she makes them welcome when they do, but she never really wants anyone to. It's not a place that's truly fit to live in." Barnabas looked up at her, "That's why she's sometimes very scattered. Even when she's here with you, she's with everyone visiting her Realm, too. Not everything in her Realm is friendly and she's very careful about that part."

"She makes sure it's a good trip," Duke summarized. "Sounds like a good friend to have."

So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

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