Diversity and You, Class #1, Period #2, May 7th

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

The woman standing in front of class looked mostly human. She had candy-pink skin that was too uniform to be a sunburn, and prominent horns sticking out of her forehead; the points of her ears just barely peeked out on either side of her head. Her hair was a bright fiery red, jutting upwards at implausible angles in proud streams. Other than that, she'd fit in at any corporate office, especially dressed as she was today, the white button-down shirt to the pencil skirt and the strappy black shoes. Give her a hat and a slight palette swap and no one would know the difference.

"First things first," Callie said. "Some of you may not want to be here. I don't care. I don't want to be here, but Daddy lied to me. Oh, by the way: if you're signing a contract with a demon? Get a lawyer to look over it. Maybe two. At any rate, I don't really feel like dealing with cranky teenagers this early in the morning, but apparently I can't kill any of you, so do your best to keep it to a dull roar. And unless you've got a better excuse than 'I was sent here by the Dark Lord and Ruler of Hell who is personally mocking me,' you're not getting out of class, and don't waste my time."

And a warm welcome to all of you!

"Now apparently this class is called 'Diversity and You,' a.k.a., some bleeding-heart touchy-feely garbage about how we're all different but we can try our best to hold hands and all get along anyway. Good for us. There, class is finished. I don't know how I'm supposed to stretch this out for the next several weeks, so I'd expect a lot of filler if I were you. It's not like I got to pick the subject. If I had, it would have been something interesting like 'Flaying 101: Finding the Right Tool for the Job.'"

She happened to collect weapons. She didn't judge your hobbies.

"I found out about this class on Saturday, so I haven't exactly had time to prepare anything, so let's be ridiculously cliche and do introductions. Tell everyone what species you are, although it looks like most of you are human." Except for the cat, at least if Bucky was there. "If you're not human and you don't want to talk about it, just lie and say you are, or make up something else, and then, I don't know, tell us something interesting about yourself. And try to make it something actually interesting instead of just the fact that you play the harmonica, because nobody really cares about that. Although who knows, maybe someone else in class also plays the harmonica, even though you're human and she's secretly a flesh-eating bacteria sent here to destroy the world, and you'll end up having crazed sex in the hallway. Diversity."

If she eyerolled any harder, it might actually induce vomiting.

"So ... let's do that, and not think about how we're sitting here in class doing this and not something useful with our time, like opening the clothing store we came here to run that is just sitting there with all those crates of shoes unboxed." Someone was entirely not bitter, you guys.

"Oh, last thing, is there a See-fer ... Sigh-fer ... something like that, here?" she asked, holding up a scrap of paper she'd brought in with her. "I got this notice, something about being assigned a graduate student as a TA. And apparently I can make one of you a TA as well. Is that anything like a minion? Anyone want to be a minion? I won't take your soul. I'll even put it in writing."

She was being sincere. You had to have your parents' permission to sell your soul, if you were under eighteen. And that was probably just as frowned on as killing students, anyway.

(please wait for OCD!)

Comments

Before Class - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

Show up before class starts, so you can mingle with people and get your shmooze on.

... or be turned on by their flesh wounds, a la the icon. Whatever floats your boat.

Re: Before Class - DIV01

[geewhizfellas.livejournal.com]

Of course Butters was there in class early and ready to go; if you weren't five minutes early, you were five minutes late! He didn't mind sitting around and waiting, though, humming to himself as he drew sketches in his notebook, all of them diversity themed to fit the upcoming class. He sure was excited to get things back into the swing of school again!

Re: Before Class - DIV01

[monkeymonkeydie.livejournal.com]

Bucky hadn't actually, at least not from his perspective, gotten there early. He was kind of iffy on the whole concept of telling time anyway, and as far as he was concerned the day started sometime around late afternoon.

So, in a bizarre fit of responsibility he'd wandered over and found the correct classroom sometime before dawn, and fallen asleep there. Presumably, someone would wake him up if something important happened.

Sign In - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

As weird as you wanna be.

Re: Sign In - DIV01

[myownface]

Sparkle

During the Lecture - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

Okay 'lecture' is a pretty ... strong term, right there. But if you want to react to it, or ask your fellow students WTF is up with the crazed succubus lady, this is the spot for it.

(This is separate from "before class" because I'm figuring Callie wouldn't allow for, say, 50+ comment thread conversations of chit-chatting while she's teaching, so those can go up there, but if students want to have shorter conversations here as a reaction to the WTFery, I'm all for that. ... Make sense?)

Re: During the Lecture - DIV01

[myownface]

Okay, so this was the class that Sparkle was maybe going to die in? Yeah, he could see how that might be the case. He did sit at his desk with a little smirk through the lecture, anyhow. Diversity? Yeah, okay, he had that all figured out already. So far as normal Earth places went, it didn't get much more diverse than Toronto.

Re: During the Lecture - DIV01

[geewhizfellas.livejournal.com]

Butters listened attentively to the whole thing, realizing that Miss Maggotbone reminded him an awful lot of some of the teachers he was used to having in South Park. And he had to cough a little at the mention of crazed sex in the hallway.

But then he realized that there seemed to be no talk of drawing diversity pictures, or other diversity related arts and crafts, and, though he could picture Miss Maggotbone easily with a whip, he did not get the feeling she was likely to use one on them in excess.

And then he realized what he had been doing after class, and how he had drawn diversity pictures without even thinking about it and he couldn't avoid letting out a sudden surprised shout and shoving his notebook off the table at the end of the 'lecture.'

Re: During the Lecture - DIV01

[nonelikemesince.livejournal.com]

Anakin had started looking a little cautious as soon as he'd heard 'Dark Lord,' it had to be admitted, but his guarded expression was partially obscured by the unruly mop of dark hair falling into his eyes.

. . . Earth standards for diversity were not like the ones in his galaxy, were they?

Re: During the Lecture - DIV01

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

Between Mr. Ronan's class and all of Ms. Maggotbone's talk of demons, was it really that surprising that Sholeh was sitting in her desk, wide-eyed and silent.

Internally, however, there was kind of an uproar, with Zeela and Zhahar arguing about whether or not they should leave and if Ms. Maggotbone would be able to tell if they were lying about being human.

Sholeh was contributing the odd ::meep:: to the conversation.

Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

Callie's going to do hers as soon as I finish the OCD. This should be very messy; if you want to ask someone questions about anything they've said, or react to their love of harmonicas, ping back to them. Go to town.

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

"I'll go first," Callie said. "My name is Callie Maggotbone, and all of you are going to call me Ms. Maggotbone. I'm a demon, and I am also a succubus. It means I am very gifted sexually, not that any of you will ever get to find out, because you're all like twelve and that's disgusting. I grew up in Hell on the Lake of Fire, with Dad, and on the Upper West Side, with Mom. I will be taking over the clothing store here, and these shoes I'm wearing are Jimmy Choos. I mean, I might be a demon, but I'm still a girl. Also, I'm supposed to marry some idiot named Twayne in order to bring about the End of Days, but I'm holding out because seriously? Twayne's such a loser. How's that?"

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[myownface]

When Sparkle pulled himself to his feet, he was also pulling a birthday sparkler from his pocket, his lighter from another pocket, and just lighting it up, not a care in the world about whether or not he was technically allowed to, right there in class.

"Yeah, so, my name is Sparkle," he announced, in a tone that was just as much a challenge as it was fact. "Really. I was named after one of these things, not some stripper or whatever, so stop thinking it. I'm human, Canadian, I'm almost sixteen, I didn't electrocute myself to make my hair stand up this way so people can shut up about it already, and..." He tilted his head a little, eyes on the sparks that were bouncing from his fingertips. "I don't play harmonica." So there. "I play the recorder. Way more awesome."

If you were in grade six.

He looked up, a little smirk on his face, and the sparkler burned out.

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[geewhizfellas.livejournal.com]

"Oh, geez," Butters groaned quietly to himself when he realized that it was his turn; he hadn't been paying as much attention as he should, since all the flashbacks from the Death Camp of Tolerance were flitting back to his head. But he shifted a little and got to his feet and started to nervously introduce himself.

"Well, I, uh, my name is Butters Stotch," he started, "I'm fifteen years old, I'm a human being, and I..." He drew in a deep breath. "I'm a survivor of Tolerance Camp. I grew up in South Park, Colorado with my mom and dad and I just started going to Fandom High last year. It's just about the best school ever. Also, diversity is very good and it's very important to be tolerant of people who are different than you."

If that last line sounded rehearsed, that's because it was, and his eyes flicked nervously to Miss Maggotbone as if he half expected her to yell at him and tell him to say it again.

"Um, thank you."

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[abitlowkey]

Demons and humans and gods, oh my!

"I am Loki," he said, curling his legs up to sit higher in the seat. Look, it was hardly his fault that he was particularly tiny. "I am a Jötunn and a god of Asgard."

There was a pause before he added.

"I do not know harmonicas, though I am certain that I can manage should I wish."

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[crapatnetball.livejournal.com]

"Thelma Bates, hi," Thelma said, standing up. "Probably half the class can't even hear me right now, so if any of them interrupt me, I will throw this book at their head."

She picked up the book from her desk, a romance novel she'd gotten from the library yesterday.

"The reason they can't hear me or see me is because I am a ghost. Those of you lucky enough to see me, congratulations, your third eye is open to the spirit world. Ooooooooooooooh." She even did spooky hands.

"I was ritually sacrificed by a fallen angel about a year and a half ago, and recently helped stop the End of Days, so I'd appreciate you holding out on trying to start it again, Miss Maggotbone. And... that's that. Hi."

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[hurtingzeebo]

"Sam Puckett," Sam said, sounding bored. "If you don't already know that then you're a giant nub. Or from a different dimension or something I guess." Someone was still used to being internet famous, yes. "I'm human, from Seattle, and I'm half of the comedy team that owns the internet in my dimension. So anyone who uses it has to pay me royalties. I'll take cash, most major credit cards, or favors in payment."

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[nonelikemesince.livejournal.com]

Oh, Force, it was going to be another round of introductions again, wasn't it?

"I'm Anakin Solo," he began, trying to keep his impatience with the necessary introductions week to himself, "and yes, Anakin Skywalker is my grandfather, and I was named after him."

Just to get that out there; he was a little tired of reiterating that every time someone commented on it.

"Fifteen, human, Jedi Knight . . . in training," he tacked on as a reluctant afterthought, then stopped there; it was as much of an introduction as he really cared to give, and about as much talking as he was willing to do.

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[monkeymonkeydie.livejournal.com]

Oh, they were doing introductions. This even looked like it might be the right class.

Bucky stood on top of his desk and waved his paws in the air. "I'm Bucky Katt. This class is stupid, and I just want to say that I was signed up for it against my will. I'm a purebred Siamese, and I'm so much better than the rest of you lower life forms, so I hope that gets covered in class. Also, I'm a professional filmatographer, so there."

Re: Introductions. This is super original. - DIV01

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

"W--I'm Sholeh Zeela a Zhahar." This whole topic of species and demons had Sholeh so nervous she'd nearly went and used the plural again. "I'm human, of course--" and that was said with a darted glance at their teacher to see if she'd say anything, "--and, I, umm...don't really have anything interesting to say." Because all of the things that might make her interesting at a place like Fandom were all things she was Strictly Not Allowed To Talk About.

And maybe if she was very, very lucky, the floor would open up right now and swallow her whole.

Future Class Topics - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

"Okay," Callie said. "So far I have ... zombies, worm-creatures, manbirds ... maybe we go on a shopping trip to New Hell? I'd say vampires but they're kind of boring. Same with the treetures, I mean, they have sex, Manhattan goes back to normal. Right?"

This place is for suggestions and speculation about topics! (Note: creatures not covered in her canon are going to be difficult, so suggestions will be accepted and considered but may not end up happening.)

Re: Future Class Topics - DIV01

[monkeymonkeydie.livejournal.com]

"Cats, and the proper worship and adoration thereof," Bucky suggested.

Talk to Callie - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

She is here to hear your concerns, and to disregard them like the uncaring demon she is.

Re: Talk to Callie - DIV01

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

"It's 'sigh-fur', like the puzzle," he said as he walked up after class. "I also currently run the music store."

Talk to Seifer - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

In future weeks, this will be "talk to the TAs, plural," but IC there is only one TA so far, even though the second TA has been decided OOC (hi, Butters!). It made sense in my head?

... as for the icon being her puking on Mark, I've got nothing.

Re: Talk to Seifer - DIV01

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer was here even if his player just woke up, and smirking through the whole 'lecture'. It just figured the best class ever would be the one he TA'd.

OOC - DIV01

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

First: Callie can be seriously abrasive IC, so if she says something that touches a nerve OOC, please let me know, because it is probably very, very unintentional and I will apologize profusely.

Second! As noted above, the second TA slot is going to the lovely Butters, for much great corruption potential and meta awesomeness. (They share a timeslot; it's practically cozy.)

Third. I don't think I have a third. But I will be crashing soon and I will get pings later probably. We'll call that third?