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Practical Weaponry [Wednesday, Period Four]

Bond waited outside of the Danger Shop until all of his class had arrived. When they went inside, the room had taken on the appearance of a city devoid of life and eerily silent.

"I do hope you all remembered your zombie plans from our first class," Bond said from the doorway, checking his watch. "Since the zombie apocalypse and your final are both scheduled to start in about five minutes. Anyone who's still alive at the end of the class passes. That is unless you managed to cause the undeath of a classmate in the process, in which case you fail. Have fun."

With that he locked the door of the Danger Shop behind them. A faint groaning could be heard in the distance.

[ooc: ~~wait for~~ ocd up and craving spicy brains.]

[Class Roster|Previous Classes]

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*After* all the screaming and shooting and zombification, Dinah kind of staggered over to Mr. Bond.

"Hi. Did I mention I'm really, really sorry I missed last week's class?"

Bond didn't look up from his marking. "If I only had a satisfactory explanation between me and a detention for unauthorised absence, I would be too," he replied in a far too calm voice. "I do hope you have one handy."

Dinah winced, then handed over her Explanation of How to Fight Demons,* and said, "I was helping a friend in Vancouver fight an incursion of demons. I should have e-mailed you about it. I apologize for not being better prepared."

* How to Fight Demons (Arjh) When You're Not a Wizard.
1. Unnatural Rope - Nylon ropes hold demons really, really well, even if they should be physically strong enough to break the rope. This allows them to be restrained from hurting anyone.
2. Guns - Can not kill demons of this type, but they can hurt them, distract them, and keep them from hurting you. The larger caliber the better, even if they recover quickly.
3. Picking them up and dropping them on their heads at least temporarily stuns them. They don't have any particular resistance to telekinesis.

How to Fight Demons (Arjh) if you *Are* A Wizard
1. The banishing runes (see below) can send them directly back to their home dimension, but must be drawn correctly.
2. Writing G O H O M E on them will banish lesser demons, and send greater ones fleeing, but it's really important they don't flee into a populated area. Don't try this on the big ones.
3. Blowing up a dragon from the inside is very messy but highly effective. You do get dragon guts everywhere, though.

Runes: {@${P%#*$) *9(*($#$ ^ (and variations)

"Yes, you should have," Bond said, sparing the sheaf of paper a glance before putting it down on his desk. "Or left a message on my machine, or asked someone to let me know. Tell me, are all the phone services in both Fandom and Vancouver broken?"

"No, sir." Dinah was turning red now, but figuring she deserved this. Francine had said he wasn't pleased, so she'd written up her list to show that at least it'd been a serious reason. But he was right, she should have remembered, and she should have called. "I was distracted. But that's no excuse."

"It's not," Bond agreed. "I'm well aware that there are times that communication isn't possible, but that doesn't mean it's optional when it is."

"Still it speaks well of you that you're taking responsibility for your actions," he said, without even the slightest hint he wasn't exactly expecting the same of his other truant. "Which includes accepting the consequences."

Dinah sighed, wondering what Detention was like. Maybe they'd have her picking up litter on school grounds. Hadn't that been what Zack got, after the alligators? Right, definitely could be worse. "Yes, Mr. Bond. I'll be there when they have Detention."

"See that you are, Miss Lance," Bond said, though given the current frequency of them, she might very well have graduated by then.

"Now that that's done with," he said, with something actually resembling a smile. "Congratulations on passing the final."

Dinah immediately cheered up, beaming. "Thank you! I really, really enjoyed this class. I learned a lot." And Francine was still right about Hot Mr. Bond still being hot, even if Dinah hadn't read her mind about that. "I should have guessed what the Final would be. You're sneaky."

"Francine told me you wished to see me?" Arthur asked, perfectly poised and all.

Possibly because he had no clue what the word 'truancy' even meant in this capacity.

Luckily Bond was just a walking dictionary on that front.

"Mr Pendragon, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe I ever gave the impression that attending my classes, or informing me of absence in a timely manner, was optional," he said, again not looking up from his papers to acknowledge Arthur.

"I wasn't aware of the opposite," Arthur said, as respectfully as he could modulate his voice to be. "Francine did pay you visit?"

"She did," Bond replied crisply. "I've always found friends who'll cover for you invaluable. Especially when they'll do it without being asked to."

Arthur wasn't imagining a stress on those last four words.

"She is very valuable," he said, lightly. "I am not aware of the codes in this matter. I put my faith in her to act on them as she saw fit. If there's some punishment attached, however, I'll face it."

"Miss Peters actions do her credit," Bond said. "However, as she is neither your legal guardian, nor your personal secretary, or even currently in my class, her choosing to act responsibly of her own initiative does not absolve you of not doing the same, given that you were in fact capable of accessing more than one method of communication to do so. Which included simply asking Miss Peters to pass along a message instead of assuming she'll do so."

"As a result you'll be serving detention with Miss Lance."

"All right," he said. "I will face detention."

Think of politics, Arthur. You can always destroy dummies in the salle later.

"However," he continued, "I have to claim ignorance of your policies on the subject, and again, trusted Francine to do as was required. I do not have your 'phone number', so even if I had been aware, I would not have been able to contact you."

And then there was the fact that in many ways Arthur expected everyone to be his personal secretary, but he was a) not aware of this and b) it was not much of an argument. "I acted as I saw necessary to preserve the existence of Vancouver."

Bond's pause before replying stretched out ~~due to a sudden attack of RL~~.

"If you are going to use ignorance of school attendance policy, which after the amount of time you've been at this school could only be classed as wilful, as a defence," he said. "As well as a need to be spoon-fed freely available information, I would suggest that claiming in the same breath that your presence was absolutely necessary to save a city mightn't be the best way to convince someone of the verity of either."

"It has never been an issue previously," he said, simply. "I am of age. As far as I'm aware of, I may come and go as I please. The situation in Vancouver has nothing to do with that particular argument; I just felt it was necessary to be mentioned."

He left it to sit there as a period, seeming about ready to leave it to end there.

Finally, he added, "As a last and entirely unrelated thing, you do realise that several of these students have already lived through a zombie invasion."

"How other teachers enforce rules on attendance is their concern, not mine," Bond said. "And trust me, there are far worse punishments for being away without leave than losing one Saturday, regardless of whether you're saving a city or even a country in the process."

"It must have completely slipped my mind that something to that effect was mentioned at the start of the session when I asked," Bond replied blandly. "I expect the experience served them quite well for the final."

"Then the rules of attendance I've failed would be a matter of 'no one rule to fit them all'," Arthur replied, just as blandly, making a valiant attempt to slant his voice as if that wasn't a criticism. "So be it."

On that last part, however, his eyes betrayed a slight spark of anger. "They faced their friends and family as lumbering monsters and thought that they were lost," he said, and tried - very unsuccesfully - not to picture Dojima's face as she banged his head against the wall until it cracked. "And you felt it necessary to confront them with that again."

Bond very briefly entertained the idea of tying Arthur up and forcing him to read the Magna Carta, along with every single revision completel with its whys and wherefores thereof since 1215. However he had sincere doubts that Arthur would actually get the point of the exercise.

"Yes, I did," Bond replied. "Life is often cruel and unfair, and people who fight for a living will most likely see the worst and ugliest of side of humankind, and see it repeatedly. Far better to learn if a person can handle that kind of stress in a controlled environment that can be easily stopped and the stressor removed, than in one where they might get themselves or others killed."

He leant forward, not a trace of mockery in his eyes. "Despite what you may believe, there's no shame in having a post-traumatic stress disorder," he said gently. "And there are many trained professionals who not only specialise in treating them but are incredibly discreet."

Well, this was clearly getting him nowhere.

...Therapy might have actually been very, very good for Arthur on many levels. Unfortunately, repression and denial kind of got into the way of that.

"I will keep that in mind," he said, despite the fact that he had no clue what post-traumatic stress disorder meant (although if he was inclined to do things like 'not sit around and wait for problems to simply stop being problems because that always worked', he might have actually been able to assume its meaning), "But I felt it was necessary to speak up. Do you have any further issue yourself, or shall I remove myself?"

"I think we're done here," Bond said. "But if you ever happen to be in one of my classes again, I really would prefer not to have a repeat of this behaviour."

Whether he meant that last in the specific or the general sense would remain a mystery.

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Practical Weaponry [Wednesday, Period Four]

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