Interactive Religion [Tuesday, January 29]

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Once again the students met in the Danger Room. The temperature had been cranked up to desert levels of heat, which was convenient since they were in the desert.

"Welcome to Egypt," Biff said with a grin. "Half of you will get to be the oppressed Hebrews, doomed to slavery because of your belief in one god. The other half of you will be Egyptians, very busy building up the greatest civilization in the world at the time, worshiping multiple gods, and oppressing the Hebrews."

He clasped his hands behind his back and paced. "This is one of the pivotal moments in Jewish history. Moses--" he pointed to Seely, "has been asking Pharaoh--" he pointed at Karal, "to let his people go. But the Lord had hardened Pharaoh's heart, as the Lord sometimes does, and despite multiple plagues: rivers turning to blood, lice, flies, diseased animals, locusts, boils, rain of fire, blocking out the sun for three full days, and frogs, the Pharaoh wouldn't let the Lord's chosen people go."

He snorted. "Despite what some angels might have told me, I don't think a rain of barbecued pork would've really changed things. The Lord could've dropped sides of cattle from the sky and Pharaoh wouldn't have budged. Finally, the Lord threatened to kill all of the first born sons, from Pharaoh's on down. He would spare--'pass over'--those doors that had lamb's blood on them."

"And that was enough to get Pharaoh to break. He said 'out you go' to Moses and the Hebrews weren't about to stick around to have him change his mind, so they started hauling themselves, their asses, their kids, and their matzo--flatbread because there wasn't time for dough to rise--and starting heading for the Red Sea."

He pointed at the rig of buckets in a path down the center of the desert. "Since actually drowning you all would be discouraged, we won't be using the real Red Sea. Moses, pick out your Hebrews, each of you grab a donkey--" there were real donkeys, yeah, "and start crossing through the miraculously dry Red Sea." He grinned. "The Lord made a wall of water on one side and on the other, so the Hebrews could pass through the sea unharmed because of course Pharaoh changed his mind. A nation of free labor was walking away!"

He pointed at Karal. "Pharaoh, you give 'em a fifteen minute head start, then take your charioteers--" he handed each of them a pair of coconut halves, "--and go chasing after them."

Pharaoh and the charioteers would be getting a good dousing. Biff was looking forward to it.

"Okay, go!"

Comments

Sign in [January 29]

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

With your most wrathful icon.

Re: Sign in [January 29]

[socksofcool.livejournal.com]

Seely Booth

Listen to the lecture!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Wonder why the Lord hardened Pharaoh's heart, just how stubborn Moses had to have been.

Or just eat some matzo.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[socksofcool.livejournal.com]

Seely blinked upon being dubbed Moses, then started looking for Aravis. He was definitely picking her for the Hebrews.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

Inara wasn't at all impressed by the matzo, though it did give her something to do as she wondered which team side she'd be chosen for, not to mention wondering what could have possessed Biff to choose Karal as Pharoah.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[withoutverona]

Romeo knew this story, but this was certainly a new spin on it. He half-listened and half-doodled the plagues.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[raspberryturk]

Reno wasn't terribly impressed by the entire story, though he was curious as to why one team actually got donkeys, and the other had to make-do with hollow... fruit... thingies.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[wannabe-pan.livejournal.com]

As soon as he heard there were going to be teams, Andrew stopped listening to the lecture and started worrying about who would pick him. He hated being picked last.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[l1ttle-billy.livejournal.com]

"Wait, God hardened hardened Pharoh's heart? So basically the Egyptians were set up? He wanted an excuse to hurt and kill people, especially innocent children." Yeah this particular story was a sore spot for Billy.

Re: Listen to the lecture!

[the_merriest]

Rikku was in a surprisingly good mood.

This was possibly because it was freezing outside, and toasty-warm desert temperatures here. Sand everywhere! Just like home!

Cross the Red Sea! Hebrews!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Grab your ass and walk through the spot between the jugs of water the totally realistic Red Sea. As a warning, those donkeys are stubborn.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Hebrews!

[socksofcool.livejournal.com]

Seely grabbed the halter of the nearest donkey. "So, Hebrews, let's haul ass."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Hebrews!

[slr-mercury.livejournal.com]

Ami thought the donkeys were cute. So she picked one and started trying to get it to go down the path.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Hebrews!

[withoutverona]

Romeo grabbed a donkey and followed Seely, wrinkling his nose as he did. These donkeys didn't smell very good.

Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Fifteen minutes after the Hebrews go through, charge!

Make sure to bang your coconuts together for added realism!

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[vkandis-son.livejournal.com]

"Yes, charge," Karal muttered. "Because this isn't insane at all."

Yes, he had his lovely

bunch

pair of coconuts. No, he wasn't banging them together. His hands still hurt, and he hadn't actually gone mad any time in the last fifteen minutes.

"Very well, let's get those Hebrews! Because Vkandis knows, the last thing we want is for people who can bring plagues to leave the country."

[ooc: sleeping for awhile! Feel free to charge on bravely and assume Karal is oh so enthusiastically leading you to a watery doom.]

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

Reno looked at his coconuts. And then he looked at the buckets of water. And then he rolled his eyes and started walking over the sand.

"This class assignment isn't for real, is it?"

Walking across a desert in pursuit of a bunch of people with donkeys. How exciting. He'd have at least brought the helicopter.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[likethegun]

Sam felt like he should follow Karal into whatever doom they met. It was only fair, after the weekend.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

Okay, the oppressed people seemed more up her alley, but ugh, donkeys. So instead Rikku was wandering down through the desert, hoping class wouldn't be over too soon. Mmmmmm, desert.

Whoosh!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

...and now all the Egyptians are wet. Grab a towel and bitch to each other about how your teacher is out of his mind.

Re: Whoosh!

[the_merriest]

Okay, if all religion class was this fun, maybe she wouldn't gripe about it so much. Rikku toweled off, giggling madly.

Talk to the TA!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Yay, Pharaoh! Biff has even given him a silly hat. Aww.

Re: Talk to the TA!

[vkandis-son.livejournal.com]

Karal was wearing the hat. He was too afraid of what the alternative would be.

Talk to Biff!

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

He's chowing down on matzo.

OOC

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Biff's canon is odd, yo.

Re: OOC

[raspberryturk]

I'm confused- can we just handwave being picked to one team or the other, then? I shoved Reno onto the Egyptian team, is that okay?