Interactive Religion [Tuesday, January 29]

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Once again the students met in the Danger Room. The temperature had been cranked up to desert levels of heat, which was convenient since they were in the desert.

"Welcome to Egypt," Biff said with a grin. "Half of you will get to be the oppressed Hebrews, doomed to slavery because of your belief in one god. The other half of you will be Egyptians, very busy building up the greatest civilization in the world at the time, worshiping multiple gods, and oppressing the Hebrews."

He clasped his hands behind his back and paced. "This is one of the pivotal moments in Jewish history. Moses--" he pointed to Seely, "has been asking Pharaoh--" he pointed at Karal, "to let his people go. But the Lord had hardened Pharaoh's heart, as the Lord sometimes does, and despite multiple plagues: rivers turning to blood, lice, flies, diseased animals, locusts, boils, rain of fire, blocking out the sun for three full days, and frogs, the Pharaoh wouldn't let the Lord's chosen people go."

He snorted. "Despite what some angels might have told me, I don't think a rain of barbecued pork would've really changed things. The Lord could've dropped sides of cattle from the sky and Pharaoh wouldn't have budged. Finally, the Lord threatened to kill all of the first born sons, from Pharaoh's on down. He would spare--'pass over'--those doors that had lamb's blood on them."

"And that was enough to get Pharaoh to break. He said 'out you go' to Moses and the Hebrews weren't about to stick around to have him change his mind, so they started hauling themselves, their asses, their kids, and their matzo--flatbread because there wasn't time for dough to rise--and starting heading for the Red Sea."

He pointed at the rig of buckets in a path down the center of the desert. "Since actually drowning you all would be discouraged, we won't be using the real Red Sea. Moses, pick out your Hebrews, each of you grab a donkey--" there were real donkeys, yeah, "and start crossing through the miraculously dry Red Sea." He grinned. "The Lord made a wall of water on one side and on the other, so the Hebrews could pass through the sea unharmed because of course Pharaoh changed his mind. A nation of free labor was walking away!"

He pointed at Karal. "Pharaoh, you give 'em a fifteen minute head start, then take your charioteers--" he handed each of them a pair of coconut halves, "--and go chasing after them."

Pharaoh and the charioteers would be getting a good dousing. Biff was looking forward to it.

"Okay, go!"

Comments

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Can't take the heat?" Rikku grinned, bouncing ahead. "Must be the suit."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"I can handle the heat," Reno said, rolling his eyes even while wearing an ever so pleasant grin. "Just not sure what the hell I'm doing with these things."

He held up the coconut halves.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"They're in case you get hungry and need a snack later," she said, keeping a straight face. "Brush the sand off and they're good to go."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

Reno looked at the coconuts, then smirked at Rikku.

"And here I thought they were for later. Fill'em up with a little rum, a little pineapple..."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Quite an optimist," she said airily. "You brought that with you, or you think rum and pineapples just jump off of trees? The ones we so don't have out here, by the way."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

Reno lifted a shoulder in a dismissive sort of shrug.

"Maybe I'll bring some rum back to my room after the broadcast tonight," he grinned. "Never did clarify how much later, did I?"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Could be worse," she said, eyes dancing. "We could make the boys dress up in coconut shells and grass skirts and do the hula. Which is totally a sacred desert tradition."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"What a coincidence," Reno smirked. "The big city's got the same tradition, only instead of boys, it's ladies, and instead of coconut shells and grass skirts, it's kinda more a g-string and leather bra number, yo."

Sacred tradition, strip club, same difference.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"I love these conversations we have," Rikku said dryly. "Always so sophisticated. So classy."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"It's only classy when you're expected to pay more than a few gil per lapdance," Reno mused. Then laughed. "I'm jokin', zoto. Really."

Really. He was. Really.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"I'll remember that," she said, rolling her eyes. "Important information, filed away. Do those places give out gift certificates? 'Yes, I'd like to pre-pay for a few lapdances. It's for a friend. Say, is your club is really skanky? He doesn't go for the classy joints.'"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"You're too kind," Reno stated as he shrugged his jacket unceremoniously off of one shoulder. It was too freakin' hot in here today. "Only good friends bother to make note of that stuff. Took Rude years to figure out that I'm more likely to drink myself blind on rotgut than whatever that pricey crap is he sometimes buys. More homey, zoto."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Only good friends would actually call up skeezy joints and ask that," Rikku said, raising an eyebrow. "Because wow, that's so not going to happen. The whole suit thing is starting to break down here, you know. First you ditched the tie, now the jacket, I give it a week before you're in jeans and some t-shirt with four-letter words on it. Your boss is gonna be pissed, zoto."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"So long as I can keep up the illusion that I give a damn about the uniform over the weekend, I'm in the clear, yo," he replied with a grin and a shrug of his shoulders.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"You'd think it'd be weekdays," she mused, tossing one of the coconut halves in the air and catching it with th same hand. "I mean, weekends are your own time, right?"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"This weekend, I'm gonna have a buddy around who'd ride my ass for a month about it if I ditched the uniform for the occasion," Reno explained.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Seriously?" Rikku gaped, and almost missed the coconut half coming back down. "Dude, that's awesome! Is it your boss, or just one of your work-friends kinda thing?"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"My partner on the job, yo. He's comin' in for the 'con, but he owes me a drink, dammit."

Wait. Was he supposed to mention that?

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"You mean Rude?" Rikku asked, bouncing on her toes. Hey, he mentioned him plenty. She giggled. "Con? You're running a scam? And you didn't cut me in? I'm the best thief in town, you know."

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

"Whole thing's a scam," Reno replied, "you should see the prices they had on their EMRs the other year at the vendors tables, yo."

With any luck, he wouldn't have to threaten to hang the dealers upside-down by their toenails this year just to get a discount.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"You, uh." Blink. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

Oh. Oh, hey! She actually didn't know.

...

Of course she didn't know. The hell. She wasn't a merc, dammit.

"Rude's gonna be on the island for a convention," Reno explained. Carefully.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"Ohhhh." Rikku chewed her lip. "That sounds kinda neat. The fun kind or the boring but you have to go for work anyway kind?"

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[raspberryturk]

Reno was having a moment of intense mental struggle, here. He wanted to tell Rikku all about MercCon. And he also valued his life. Cute girl asking questions. Mercs whose con could potentially be crashed. Tough call.

"MercCon. Rude and I always go together. Kinda like tradition, yo."

Cute girl always wins.

Re: Cross the Red Sea! Egyptians!

[the_merriest]

"MercCon?" There was a light bulb going on over Rikku's head. "You mean ... like, mercenaries and all that? Hanging out for a weekend? Are you serious!?"

... Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.