fandomhigh | Interactive Religion [Tuesday, January 29]

Once again the students met in the Danger Room. The temperature had been cranked up to desert levels of heat, which was convenient since they were in the desert.

"Welcome to Egypt," Biff said with a grin. "Half of you will get to be the oppressed Hebrews, doomed to slavery because of your belief in one god. The other half of you will be Egyptians, very busy building up the greatest civilization in the world at the time, worshiping multiple gods, and oppressing the Hebrews."

He clasped his hands behind his back and paced. "This is one of the pivotal moments in Jewish history. Moses--" he pointed to Seely, "has been asking Pharaoh--" he pointed at Karal, "to let his people go. But the Lord had hardened Pharaoh's heart, as the Lord sometimes does, and despite multiple plagues: rivers turning to blood, lice, flies, diseased animals, locusts, boils, rain of fire, blocking out the sun for three full days, and frogs, the Pharaoh wouldn't let the Lord's chosen people go."

He snorted. "Despite what some angels might have told me, I don't think a rain of barbecued pork would've really changed things. The Lord could've dropped sides of cattle from the sky and Pharaoh wouldn't have budged. Finally, the Lord threatened to kill all of the first born sons, from Pharaoh's on down. He would spare--'pass over'--those doors that had lamb's blood on them."

"And that was enough to get Pharaoh to break. He said 'out you go' to Moses and the Hebrews weren't about to stick around to have him change his mind, so they started hauling themselves, their asses, their kids, and their matzo--flatbread because there wasn't time for dough to rise--and starting heading for the Red Sea."

He pointed at the rig of buckets in a path down the center of the desert. "Since actually drowning you all would be discouraged, we won't be using the real Red Sea. Moses, pick out your Hebrews, each of you grab a donkey--" there were real donkeys, yeah, "and start crossing through the miraculously dry Red Sea." He grinned. "The Lord made a wall of water on one side and on the other, so the Hebrews could pass through the sea unharmed because of course Pharaoh changed his mind. A nation of free labor was walking away!"

He pointed at Karal. "Pharaoh, you give 'em a fifteen minute head start, then take your charioteers--" he handed each of them a pair of coconut halves, "--and go chasing after them."

Pharaoh and the charioteers would be getting a good dousing. Biff was looking forward to it.

"Okay, go!"

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Wonder why the Lord hardened Pharaoh's heart, just how stubborn Moses had to have been.

Or just eat some matzo.

Seely blinked upon being dubbed Moses, then started looking for Aravis. He was definitely picking her for the Hebrews.

Inara wasn't at all impressed by the matzo, though it did give her something to do as she wondered which ~~team~~ side she'd be chosen for, not to mention wondering what could have possessed Biff to choose Karal as Pharoah.

Karal sat next to Inara, made a noise that could possibly have been a whimper, and pressed his forehead against her shoulder. "Glory, please tell me this is a bad dream."

She stroked his hair and whispered, "I wish I could, but I believe he's serious."

He sighed. "If I'm Pharaoh, that means I'm in charge," he said, then glanced up at her. "Can I cede my throne to you?"

"I don't think I'm allowed to be in charge," she said, not at all apologetically. "Being a girl in an unenlightened time and all."

"And how are things ever going to change if you simply accept it?" he asked, but he smiled and sat up straight. "It's not like you to be so meek."

"Some battles aren't worth fighting," Inara grinned at him. "Or I could be planning to stage a coup once you get this pesky slave problem taken care of and are dealing with something else. Or possibly planning to marry to put myself on the throne, then kill you off."

"Hypothetically speaking, of course."

Karal wrinkled his nose at her. "Or you could marry me, and I could pretend to come down with an illness. Then you could be Regent, and go chase people through the desert."

"Or I could be searching the world for a miracle cure for my beloved husband and the people could just leave without being chased while we're otherwise engaged."

"Either way," he told her, starting to be amused by this whole thing. "You'd be a far better Pharoah than I would."

"But I don't want to be a Pharoah," she argued with perfect logic. "You were born to it."

He pretended to frown at her. "I'm the Pharoah, and if I say you're going to be Pharoah instead of me, you have to be."

She frowned back. "I don't think that's how it works."

"Are you sure?" he asked sadly.

No. "Positive. Sorry."

He sighed again, heavily. "Very well, never let it be said I shirked my duty, even one so mad as this."

Re: Listen to the lecture!

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Romeo knew this story, but this was certainly a new spin on it. He half-listened and half-doodled the plagues.

Reno wasn't terribly impressed by the entire story, though he was curious as to why one team actually got donkeys, and the other had to make-do with hollow... fruit... thingies.

As soon as he heard there were going to be teams, Andrew stopped listening to the lecture and started worrying about who would pick him. He hated being picked last.

"Wait, God hardened hardened Pharoh's heart? So basically the Egyptians were set up? He wanted an excuse to hurt and kill people, especially innocent children." Yeah this particular story was a sore spot for Billy.

Rikku humphed. "It's not like he made the Egyptians drag them all off to be slaves in the first place."

... wait. Was she defending this God-person, here?

Dammit. This class made her head hurt.

"No, he just made them keep them. The whole thing could have been settled after the first plague, but no, God had to be a bad ass." He personally did not actually believe that God had had much to do with the whole affair.

Rikku was in a surprisingly good mood.

This was possibly because it was freezing outside, and toasty-warm desert temperatures here. Sand everywhere! Just like home!