fandomhigh | Library [04/03]

Sam started up his Sims game, just to see how the characters were doing.

It took five minutes for Alec and Dean to get into the hot tub, and Sam quickly turned the game off.

It had took a while for Dean to psych himself up to go talk to Sammy about this whole leaving thing again, so it was after lunch before he headed to the library.

"Hey Sammy," he said tentatively when he came in.

Dean didn't seem to be as annoyed as he'd been the last time they spoke, so Sam was taking that as a good sign.

"Hey," he said, almost glad to get away from the computer. "What's up?"

Dean shrugged. "Not much. Just... I didn't like where we left things in Ethics yesterday."

"Me neither," Sam replied. "Maybe you shouldn't have walked away before I could try to explain things better."

"We already got detention once for fighting in Ethics. Really didn't want to make it a habit."

"Anakin might not let us talk to each other at all if we kept that up," Sam said.

"Yeah, so I thought walking off was the better part of not getting trouble."

"Yeah, I guess," Sam said. "It probably wouldn't do either of us any good to end the conversation there though, would it?"

"It would leave a bad taste in my mouth if we do," Dean admitted.

Sam nodded. "I'm sorry about some of the things I said yesterday. I wasn't trying to upset you."

"I know. You weren't really thinking beyond yourself." It could've been an acusation if not for the offhand way that Dean had said it, simply stating a fact.

"No, I guess I wasn't. I was just trying to explain myself," Sam said. "I should have known you'd have a serious reaction to my plans."

Dean snorted, the sound a little bitter. "You're planning on leaving and rejecting everything that's most important to me. You didn't think I was going to be cheerful about that did you?"

"You know, you're not really seeing this beyond yourself either," Sam said. "I'm not rejecting you, Dean. Maybe I'm rejecting Dad, in a way. But not you."

"You say that, but... I'm not normal, Sammy. I don't have a normal life, I don't want a normal life. Say you do go manage to go off to college and this happy apple pie life you want. There's not going to be any way I'd fit in there."

"I'd find a way," Sam said, hardly needing time to think about a promise like that. "You're my brother. I'm not going to shut you out of my life just because we're on two different paths."

"I don't want us to be on two different paths," Dean said softly.

"I don't want us to be either," Sam replied. "But I can't make myself want to be a hunter, just like I don't expect you to want a normal life. That's not who you are, no matter how much I wish it was."

Dean sighed. "You really think you can do this? Just walk away from everything?"

"I'm sure going to try. I don't see why I won't be able to."

Dean had a whole laundry list of reasons why Sammy wouldn't be able to, but he really didn't want to fight about it anymore. Besides, Alec was right, there was years yet before this became anything other than an academic discussion.

"So what are you going to do when Alec and I show up on your doorstep covered in demon guts?" he asked instead.

Sam snickered, trying to imagine that while resisting the urge to comment negatively on Alec's inclusion in the hypothetical situation. If Dean was going to humor him for the moment, then he would humor Dean too.

"I'd tell you to come in and try not to get said demon guts all over the furniture while I went to grab my first aid kit?" he offered.

"And how are you going to explain us to the girlfriend who you've told nothing about the family business to?" Dean asked. "If you've even mentioned us at all?"

"Assuming I'm living with said girlfriend?" Sam asked. "I don't know, but I'll think of something."

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