fandomhigh | Library [04/03]

"I'm sure going to try. I don't see why I won't be able to."

Dean had a whole laundry list of reasons why Sammy wouldn't be able to, but he really didn't want to fight about it anymore. Besides, Alec was right, there was years yet before this became anything other than an academic discussion.

"So what are you going to do when Alec and I show up on your doorstep covered in demon guts?" he asked instead.

Sam snickered, trying to imagine that while resisting the urge to comment negatively on Alec's inclusion in the hypothetical situation. If Dean was going to humor him for the moment, then he would humor Dean too.

"I'd tell you to come in and try not to get said demon guts all over the furniture while I went to grab my first aid kit?" he offered.

"And how are you going to explain us to the girlfriend who you've told nothing about the family business to?" Dean asked. "If you've even mentioned us at all?"

"Assuming I'm living with said girlfriend?" Sam asked. "I don't know, but I'll think of something."

"See, that's the part that bothers me -- well aside from just you and leaving. The part where you are lying about me and my life -- if you can manage to talk about me at all because I don't fit in with your 'normal'."

"There's lots of stuff I could tell someone about you that doesn't directly involve hunting," Sam insisted. "And I'll be lying about my own life too, you know. If I have to choose between lying or not having friends at all, I'll choose lying."

"Until I show up covered in demon guts."

"I'd like to think you'd at least give me a little warning before showing up covered in demon guts. Then I can prepare."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, because that sorta thing always gives enough time to call a week in advance."

"I'm not talking days in advance. I'm talking 'five minutes ahead on a cell phone from the car' kind of advance."

"And that will be enough time for you to come up with a story to explain demon guts?" Dean asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Maybe?" Sam said. "Look Dean, I don't know. I mean, this is all so hypothetical. I don't know how well I'll be able to lie, or how much I'll have to, or how much I'll be able to tell people about you and your potential demon guts to begin with. It's not like either of us have experience with this sort of thing."

"Yeah, because you never left before," Dean said.

"It's not leaving. It's..." Sam sighed. "Why do you have to make me going to college sound like such a bad thing?"

"Maybe because you make it sound like it's an escape? Like your life now is so horrible you can't wait to leave it all behind."

"You have to admit, our lives are kind of screwed up," Sam said. "Have you really never thought about what it would be like to have a regular, normal life?"

Memories from before, where his family had been complete and he'd been happy, safe, secure, and any fears of the dark could be banished with a simple nightlight, swam through Dean's mind.

"I had a normal life," he said quietly. "Then Mom was killed."

"So, does that mean you can never have a normal life again? What about when we find the thing that killed Mom? There won't be any need for us to hunt after that."

"There's still going to be things out there," Dean said. "Hurting, killing, ripping families apart and putting them through the same hell we've been through."

Sam sighed. "I know. It's not like we're the only hunters out there, though," he said. "You want to keep being one of them, I get that. But I don't."

"It's not as bad as you keep making it out to be though," Dean said. "It's not something that needs to be escaped."

"If I had a choice, it wouldn't need to be an escape. But that's not the way it is with Dad. His options are the only options, and anything that doesn't involve hunting can't even be considered without a long, drawn out fight."

"He has his reasons for everything he does Sammy. It's not to ruin your life or anything."

"Sure, he has reasons. But they're not good ones," Sam said. "I'm not meant to be a hunter, Dean. I'm no good at it, no matter how much training Dad tries to drill into me. So why shouldn't I be able to choose to do something else?"

Library [04/03]

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