fandomhigh | Library [04/03]

"Anakin might not let us talk to each other at all if we kept that up," Sam said.

"Yeah, so I thought walking off was the better part of not getting trouble."

"Yeah, I guess," Sam said. "It probably wouldn't do either of us any good to end the conversation there though, would it?"

"It would leave a bad taste in my mouth if we do," Dean admitted.

Sam nodded. "I'm sorry about some of the things I said yesterday. I wasn't trying to upset you."

"I know. You weren't really thinking beyond yourself." It could've been an acusation if not for the offhand way that Dean had said it, simply stating a fact.

"No, I guess I wasn't. I was just trying to explain myself," Sam said. "I should have known you'd have a serious reaction to my plans."

Dean snorted, the sound a little bitter. "You're planning on leaving and rejecting everything that's most important to me. You didn't think I was going to be cheerful about that did you?"

"You know, you're not really seeing this beyond yourself either," Sam said. "I'm not rejecting you, Dean. Maybe I'm rejecting Dad, in a way. But not you."

"You say that, but... I'm not normal, Sammy. I don't have a normal life, I don't want a normal life. Say you do go manage to go off to college and this happy apple pie life you want. There's not going to be any way I'd fit in there."

"I'd find a way," Sam said, hardly needing time to think about a promise like that. "You're my brother. I'm not going to shut you out of my life just because we're on two different paths."

"I don't want us to be on two different paths," Dean said softly.

"I don't want us to be either," Sam replied. "But I can't make myself want to be a hunter, just like I don't expect you to want a normal life. That's not who you are, no matter how much I wish it was."

Dean sighed. "You really think you can do this? Just walk away from everything?"

"I'm sure going to try. I don't see why I won't be able to."

Dean had a whole laundry list of reasons why Sammy wouldn't be able to, but he really didn't want to fight about it anymore. Besides, Alec was right, there was years yet before this became anything other than an academic discussion.

"So what are you going to do when Alec and I show up on your doorstep covered in demon guts?" he asked instead.

Sam snickered, trying to imagine that while resisting the urge to comment negatively on Alec's inclusion in the hypothetical situation. If Dean was going to humor him for the moment, then he would humor Dean too.

"I'd tell you to come in and try not to get said demon guts all over the furniture while I went to grab my first aid kit?" he offered.

"And how are you going to explain us to the girlfriend who you've told nothing about the family business to?" Dean asked. "If you've even mentioned us at all?"

"Assuming I'm living with said girlfriend?" Sam asked. "I don't know, but I'll think of something."

"See, that's the part that bothers me -- well aside from just you and leaving. The part where you are lying about me and my life -- if you can manage to talk about me at all because I don't fit in with your 'normal'."

"There's lots of stuff I could tell someone about you that doesn't directly involve hunting," Sam insisted. "And I'll be lying about my own life too, you know. If I have to choose between lying or not having friends at all, I'll choose lying."

"Until I show up covered in demon guts."

"I'd like to think you'd at least give me a little warning before showing up covered in demon guts. Then I can prepare."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, because that sorta thing always gives enough time to call a week in advance."

"I'm not talking days in advance. I'm talking 'five minutes ahead on a cell phone from the car' kind of advance."

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