fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Entry tags:

!event: assembly

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

The Tick took the stage once the audience was nice and full and smiled. "Crime is a broken drive-up ATM machine. It doesn't pay. Trust me, as a former full-time and current freelance Bank Teller of Justice I know this well. Sure, the ATM is faster when you get it to work, and it's the easier way to make money, but it'll break down, leaving you high and dry. And broke. It's best to park the car, go inside, do things right, and cross that Vestibule of Right because otherwise you're going to end up with nothing in time!"

"Trust me, I've been a superhero long enough, I know what I'm talking about!"

"Today's speakers are criminals who've learned how bad the life can be, who've learned that it's not worth the chance of saving a little bit of time only to end up unable to retrieve your Money from the Bank of Law."

[OOC: Standard assembly stuff. Threads for speakers are marked, please don't comment in those threads until the speaker has, speakers should also ping into the Q&A thread.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Find your seats and mingle!

"A former resident of Fandom, Lilah Morgan is a lawyer! She represented criminals of all sorts, so she's the perfect person to speak to how crime is a misguided pursuit! Ladies and gentlemen, Lilah Morgan!"

"Next we have a villain who is serving time in prison. And he's a big, talking gorilla! He's not only lived the life, but he's done it as an ape! Please welcome King Gorilla!"

"The first of two speakers from the good old days of Greece today, our next speaker has a somewhat unique perspective thanks to how she was brought into villainy. Please welcome Megara!"

"Also from Greece, this speaker embraced the call of villainy and kept on withdrawing cash until the ATM was dead. Allow me to introduce Xena!"

"Next we have a mercenary who will sell his services to the highest bidder, but at least he does it with a sense of humor. Considering that he's a mercenary, I would imagine he's here to provide a counterpoint. We'll see. Ladies and gentlemen, Deadpool!"

"We have another primate up next, although this one is rather smaller. But look at the size of his head! It's the size of the rest of him! And look at that snazzy cape! I introduce to you, Mojo Jojo!"

"Our final speakers are lab rodents who... Actually, I'm not sure why exactly they're here, but I'm sure they have something very important to say. Please welcome out final speakers this afternoon, Pinky and Brian!"

During the assembly, there is plenty of time to talk amongst yourselves. Please do so here.

"All of our speakers are done now. If you have any questions for them, please step up and ask!"

[OOC: Please don't ask a question of a speaker until they have pinged into this thread. Thank you.]

Thank you once again to

sogothcally for the idea for this assembly. And big thanks to everyone who signed up!

A monkey in a blue suit with a giant brain . . . helmet . . . thingy came scurrying up to the podium.

His cape was, indeed, magnificent.

"Thank you. Hello students, who are here to learn many things and teachers who are here to educate, teach, and illuminate the students on the many things that they are here to learn. I am Mojo Jojo! The greatest monkey criminal mastermind in the world! There are many other great monkey criminal masterminds, but they are all lesser masterminds than myself, Mojo Jojo because they are inferior to me! But I am here to tell you that crime does not pay. Crime is when you bend, break, or ignore the rules that the governments, which are people who tell you rules, tell you. And it does not pay any money whatsoever. And the reason why, which I will tell you now, because that is what I am here to do, is because of superheroes. People who are there to protect, safe-guard, and generally keep the rules safe from great monkey criminal masterminds, like myself, Mojo Jojo! Yes, even I, Mojo Jojo must face superheros like the Powerpuff Girls, who are annoying, irritating, and bothersome little girls who stop great monkey criminal masterminds from doing their great, monkey masterminded crimes! And they will stop you, prevent you from doing your crime, and keep it from paying you! That is why you should not be a criminal, like me, Mojo Jojo! And that is what I am here to say. . . ."

This went on for some time.

"I am sure that now you students are confused, befuddled, and not entirely yet clear on the concept despite the great speeches, orations, and lectures from the various masterminds who are here in front of you on the stage, talking and speaking. So I will answer your questions, comments, and concerns now. Not later, but right now as you ask them of me!"

Well, he would if you could get him to shut up.

A tall woman who looked a look like an older, dark-haired, armour-wearing version of D'Anna Biers, started speaking.

"My name is Xena, also known as Xena, Warrior Princess, or on occasions, Xena, Destroyer of Nations, and I used to be a warlord. I'm not anymore, but while I was, I was the best. Ruthless, unstoppable, the look of fear that villagers used to get when they heard my army was coming...was, uh, quite disheartening, really." Xena coughed and started shuffling the sheets of parchment she was reading off. "I spent a good ten winters on the path of darkness, and while the perks may look good, the stylish clothes, the mindlessly loyal followers, the hot sex with leather-clad war-gods...trust me, it's not really all that great. After all, silk sheets and feather pillows are nothing compared to sharing a blanket on the bare ground with some talky blon- friend, with a good friend, always willing to ask endless questions about your day when all you want is a good night of sleep."

Xena continued in this vein for quite some time, anyone actually paying attention to her speech might wonder who exactly she was trying to convince that evil was the wrong choice.

Xena had a far-off, distant stare and a case of the fidgets as she waited for any students to ask her questions.

"I'm sorry, could you expand on the 'hot sex with leather-clad war gods' point?" Z asked politely, her pencil hovering over her notebook. Maybe evil wasn't as bad as all that after all...

Why did Setsuna bring an umbrella with her to the assembly? None of your damn business.

But she was prepared now should the sprinklers go off yet again. If she found out who kept doing that, so help her...

She really needed to start learning Iron Umbrella technique soon.

A small white mouse with an overly large cranium climbed nimbly up the stool that had been placed in front of the microphone and cleared his throat. "Greetings students, teachers, and others. I am The Brain. Not Brian. The Brain."

A tall, thin mouse was bouncing around the bottom of the stool, waving a paw. "Me, me, don't forget me."

"I wish I could. And this is Pinky. My…assistant."

Pinky grinned and waved madly, before scurrying off behind the curtain at the back of the stage.

"For those of you who are wondering, yes, I am a genetically altered laboratory mouse who for many years attempted to take over the world."

The curtain behind him slowly began to rise.

"Some of you may be considering a career in global domination. I have chosen to honour you by sharing some of the lessons I've learned, in the hopes that they may guide your future steps."

The curtain had risen far enough that Pinky could be seen, clinging to the bottom of it, waving excitedly.

"You must steel yourself against mawkish sentimentality. You must remain focused on your goal." He paced back and forth across the stool, gesturing emphatically. "You must learn to recognise opportunities when they present themselves. And ignore them," he hastily added. "Yes, ignore them, because taking over the world is wrong."

As it rose higher, a large disc, painted in concentric circles and mounted on a precarious looking wheeled contraption, came into view.

"An amusing clay dog that grows grass? You could use it to create an entirely new planet! A revered president died before sound recordings? You can bring him back to life. Hippies, sumo wrestling, crab meat pancakes, elf distribution, dentures!" He smacked a fist against his palm. "All these opportunities must be disregarded! No matter how tempting they might be."

The curtain rose completely, Pinky leapt to the cord hanging next to the disc, pulling it sharply down, and the disc began to spin (http://www.diamond-jim.com/hypnodisc/). Pinky watched it, bouncing up and down on the cord, giggling with delight

"If you are invited to speak at a gathering of eager young students, just as a random example, you must under no circumstances hyp-- well, if you'd care to direct your attention to the back of the stage, I'm sure you'll find it fascinating."

He turned, pointing at the disc, and saw Pinky. "Pinky, stop it."

"Stop it?"

"Yes, Pinky," he said, turning back to the audience with a weak smile. "Stop it!"

"Really stop it?"

Smile turning into a fixed grin, he muttered, "Don't make me hurt you, Pinky. Now stop it!"

"Okay, Brain, if you say so." He swung behind the disc, there was a loud clunk, and he swung back out, leaping off the cord and landing on the stage steps.

Brain whirled around at the clunk, shouting, "Pinky, no!", but it was too late.

A shower of sparks and the grind of metal gears heralded the disc's escape from its supports. It hit the floor, bounced once, twice, then whirred across the stage, scattering bits of wire, metal, and wood in its wake as it knocked over microphone and stool. Brain went flying into the air only to be snared by the trailing cord and dragged after the disc as the stool ricocheted off the contraption that had held it, knocked it onto its side, then hit the stage and smashed into several pieces.

Luckily, nothing went flying into the audience.

Pinky stared, open mouthed, as Brain and the disc disappeared into the wings. Laughing uncertainly, he crept over to the fallen microphone, said, "Umm…NARF!", and scurried after it.

"Well, technically, it's just the one god, Ares, God of War," Xena replied. "Ever since I turned back towards the light, he's been trying to tempt me back to his side, always waiting for the moment when I'd rejoin him, his attempts to seduce me back into the darkness have been many and varied, but always involving those leather pants...but it would be wrong for me to fall for him. His tricks. Again."

"And his pants," Z said, nodding as if she totally believed Xena. In her notebook, she scribbled down 'Find out if good offers similar perks.'

Looking only slightly the worse for wear, Brain addressed the students. "Yes, well, after my demonstration of why attempting to take over the world - or the school - is a bad idea, I'm certain you'll have many questions."

"I have a question, Brain."

"Pinky. you are a question, now be quiet."

Xena sighed. "And his pants."

Mac picked herself a seat. Hopefully no one tall will sit in front of her because if she was dragging herself out of her room just for assembly, she'd better at least have a decent view.

That? Would be Janice in the back of the room, bug-eyed, absolutely rigid and possibly choking to death on her cup of coffee.

That would also be Janice scurrying not-so-surreptitiously along the wall up toward the front of the room.

Xena blinked when she caught sight of Janice.

The sudden drop in comments about friends who occasionally just needed to shut up was purely coincidental. Really.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 6

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the Assembly [11/10]

Speaker 1: Lilah Morgan

Speaker 2: King Gorilla

Speaker 3: Megara

Speaker 4: Xena

Speaker 5: Deadpool

Speaker 6: Mojo Jojo

Speaker 7: Pinky and the Brain

General Audience Conversation [11/10]

Speaker Q&A [11/10]

OOC [11/10]

Re: Speaker 6: Mojo Jojo

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Speaker 4: Xena

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Before the Assembly [11/10]

Re: Speaker 7: Pinky and the Brain

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Speaker Q&A [11/10]

Re: Before the Assembly [11/10]

Re: Speaker 4: Xena

Re: Speaker 4: Xena