Win Friends, Etc. [7/18] - Tuesday Afternoon

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

Zack Addy
Belthazor
Cordelia Chase
John Crichton
Timothy Desmond
Tyler Durden
Draco Malfoy
Peter Pevensie
Blair Sandburg
Greg Sanders
Ranma Saotome
Shiro
Aeryn Sun
Elizabeth Weir

Another sharp whistle is heard as Dr. Cox marches into the room glaring at anyone who might be out of their seats.

"Listen up newbies. Apparently there's this [airquote] ritual [/airquote] where all the students have to stand up and introduce themseves and blah blah blah blah that needs to be done for the beginning of each class. Quite frankly listening to you people blather is like the sound of the teacher makes on the cartoon Christmas special where the round headed kid buys a crappy looking tree and gets the crap kicked out of him by the rest of the students for being so damn cheap."

Cox takes a long gasp of air. "So. Yeah. Introduce yourselves, not that it's really important because I haven't really learned your names and probably never will."

After introductions are made...

"Okay noobs. Let's talk bribery. Bribery is the action where someone gives you something that you want in order to force you to do something you *don't* want to do. This is the weapon of the enemy and can be very hard to resist. How do you stop it you ask? Well there are three methods which I will demonstrate."

Method One: Don't Give a Rat's Ass.
Dr. Cox pulls out a puppet that resembles the middle age man from last week.

Bob-Puppet: Hey Perry. My car could use a nice new coat of shiny wax on it. Send down a couple of interns to take care of it and I'll give you a shiny nickel and the chance for a promotion.

Dr. Cox: Well geeee Bobbo, I really understand how important it is for the Prince of Darkness to have his pimpmobile looking all tricked out but quite frankly it's more important to have these babies learn how to save lives than learn how to buff. And if you don't like it allow me to drop my scrubs and bend over while you pucker up big boy.

Method Two: Pretend to consider the Bribe then insult the briber
Bob-Puppet: Gosh Perry, if that's your attitude then maybe we should give that promotion to Dr. Mickhead.

Dr. Cox begins to flake blubber.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Bob! No! Please! I need that promotion to feed my unquenchable Scotch drinking.

Bob-Puppet: Does that mean you'll do it?

Dr. Cox drops the act.

Dr. Cox: No. Ready for me to drop my pants yet? I hope you got got some lip balm there Bobbo because you're looking might chapped on those lips. Was there a board meeting today?

Method Three: Take the bribe and don't do it
Bob-Puppet: Well gosh Perry, that's a darn shame as I happen to have tickets to the all-star hockey game here. I'd hate for those tickets to go to waste.

Dr. Cox: Well let me take those tickets off your hands there Bobbo and I'll see what I can do.

Bob-Puppet: Well Dr. Cox... It's nice to see you finally cave in on something. Quite frankly I thought you had some kind of ethics in you but it's nice to see that even you can be bought.

Dr. Cox gives the puppet a fake smile as he makes the Bob-puppet "walk away". He brings up his other hand which has a puppet which appears to be two characters sewn together at the hip. One character is a white guy in blue scrubs with funny hair and the other is an African American with a bald head and huge mole on his face. The puppet is holding a can of turtle wax.

JD/Turk-Puppet: Hey Dr. Cox! We're ready to wax Dr. Kelso's car.

Dr. Cox: So help me *GOD* newbies, if you lay one puppet finger on that car I'll make sure you take care of every impacted colon on the second and third floor the day after Thanksgiving, understand?

JD/Turk-Puppet: Eep!


Dr. Cox turns to the students. "Today's exercise is to resist being bribed. Pick a partner and take turns being the briber and the bribee. Any of you clown-college rejects take a bribe and I'll throw you in detention."

[ooc: Wait for the obligatory OCD is up.]

Comments

Sign-in

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

Collapsinate people!

Re: Sign-in

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John Crichton.

Introduce yourself

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

And Cox will give you his nickname for you.

Re: Introduce yourself

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"My name's John Crichton," he says. "I live in a room with sea monkeys, a talking toaster, and a robot."

Re: Introduce yourself

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

"My name's Zack Addy," he said. "I'm from Michegan, have a genius level IQ, and I currently live in a cabin full of girls."

Re: Introduce yourself

[demonbelthazor]

"My name's Belthazor," Bel said. "I'm a demon, but I'm reformed now and trying to do the atonement/hero thing."

Re: Introduce yourself

[can_be_more]

"Aeryn Sun. And this is pointless, you won't even remember anything I say," she shrugs.

Re: Introduce yourself

[pure-blooddraco.livejournal.com]

"I'm Draco Malfoy and yes that is my real name. I'm from England and I can't wait to get back to the dorms because the whole living in a cabin with people thing doesn't really suit me." says Draco.

Re: Introduce yourself

[once-a-king.livejournal.com]

"My name's Peter Pevensie," Peter said, figuring any further information was useless.

Re: Introduce yourself

[tyler-gone.livejournal.com]

"I'm Tyler, I'm a sophomore, I'm from Delaware, and I think you're the greatest teacher ever."

It's not sucking up if it's true.

Re: Introduce yourself

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"My name's Blair Sandburg." Blair bounced happily and waved at Dr. Cox. "Is there anything in particular I should tell you about myself?"

Re: Introduce yourself

[ranma-sao.livejournal.com]

"I'm Ranma Saotome. There's not much to say about me." Other than the girl part...

Re: Introduce yourself

[like-a-sponge.livejournal.com]

"My name's Greg Sanders and I have better hair than anyone else here."

Re: Introduce yourself

[upforachase.livejournal.com]

"I'm Cordelia Chase. I used to have aspirations of becoming an actress, but that was before demons started appearing everywhere, so I started hunting them."

She looked at Bel. "Bad demons only."

Re: Introduce yourself

[notcalledlizzie.livejournal.com]

"I'm Elizabeth, and I'm from Connecticut. I speak Russian, French, German, Farsi, Spanish and Italian," offered Elizabeth.

Re: Introduce yourself

[grand-fallguy.livejournal.com]

"I'm Tim Desmond, from New York and Tiny elephants are tapdancing on your head." Just checking.

Class

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

Pick a partner and bribe each other.

Re: Class

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John wore his bribery shoes just for this assignment. Okay, they're really just tennis shoes but no one else knows that.

He looks around for a partner.

Re: Class

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

Zack looked around for a partner.

Re: Class

[pure-blooddraco.livejournal.com]

Draco looks around for a partner. This shouldn't be too hard. His father bribes people all the time.

Re: Class

[tyler-gone.livejournal.com]

Tyler flexed his shoulders and looked for someone he could bribe.

Which would be easier if he had more than 75 cents and a roll of cherry Lifesavers in his locket.

Re: Class

[ranma-sao.livejournal.com]

Ranma looked around for a partner, hoping it'd be someone who wouldn't out-wit him.

Re: Class

[grand-fallguy.livejournal.com]

Tim looked around for a partner.

Talk to Cox

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

Really. He won't insult you.

Re: Talk to Cox

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"So how's your first week been here at Fandom?" Blair asked as he walked over to talk. First step to being friends...friendly conversation.

OOC:

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

What is it with me and puppets?

Re: OOC:

[mycanonhatesme]

I'm sensing a slight unconscious obsession. *g*