fandomhigh | Win Friends, Etc. [7/18]

Zack Addy
Belthazor
Cordelia Chase
John Crichton
Timothy Desmond
Tyler Durden
Draco Malfoy
Peter Pevensie
Blair Sandburg
Greg Sanders
Ranma Saotome
Shiro
Aeryn Sun
Elizabeth Weir

Another sharp whistle is heard as Dr. Cox marches into the room glaring at anyone who might be out of their seats.

"Listen up newbies. Apparently there's this [airquote] ritual [/airquote] where all the students have to stand up and introduce themseves and blah blah blah blah that needs to be done for the beginning of each class. Quite frankly listening to you people blather is like the sound of the teacher makes on the cartoon Christmas special where the round headed kid buys a crappy looking tree and gets the crap kicked out of him by the rest of the students for being so damn cheap."

Cox takes a long gasp of air. "So. Yeah. Introduce yourselves, not that it's really important because I haven't really learned your names and probably never will."

After introductions are made...

"Okay noobs. Let's talk bribery. Bribery is the action where someone gives you something that you want in order to force you to do something you *don't* want to do. This is the weapon of the enemy and can be very hard to resist. How do you stop it you ask? Well there are three methods which I will demonstrate."

Method One: Don't Give a Rat's Ass.
Dr. Cox pulls out a puppet that resembles the middle age man from last week.

Bob-Puppet: Hey Perry. My car could use a nice new coat of shiny wax on it. Send down a couple of interns to take care of it and I'll give you a shiny nickel and the chance for a promotion.

Dr. Cox: Well geeee Bobbo, I really understand how important it is for the Prince of Darkness to have his pimpmobile looking all tricked out but quite frankly it's more important to have these babies learn how to save lives than learn how to buff. And if you don't like it allow me to drop my scrubs and bend over while you pucker up big boy.

Method Two: Pretend to consider the Bribe then insult the briber
Bob-Puppet: Gosh Perry, if that's your attitude then maybe we should give that promotion to Dr. Mickhead.

Dr. Cox begins to flake blubber.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Bob! No! Please! I need that promotion to feed my unquenchable Scotch drinking.

Bob-Puppet: Does that mean you'll do it?

Dr. Cox drops the act.

Dr. Cox: No. Ready for me to drop my pants yet? I hope you got got some lip balm there Bobbo because you're looking might chapped on those lips. Was there a board meeting today?

Method Three: Take the bribe and don't do it
Bob-Puppet: Well gosh Perry, that's a darn shame as I happen to have tickets to the all-star hockey game here. I'd hate for those tickets to go to waste.

Dr. Cox: Well let me take those tickets off your hands there Bobbo and I'll see what I can do.

Bob-Puppet: Well Dr. Cox... It's nice to see you finally cave in on something. Quite frankly I thought you had some kind of ethics in you but it's nice to see that even you can be bought.

Dr. Cox gives the puppet a fake smile as he makes the Bob-puppet "walk away". He brings up his other hand which has a puppet which appears to be two characters sewn together at the hip. One character is a white guy in blue scrubs with funny hair and the other is an African American with a bald head and huge mole on his face. The puppet is holding a can of turtle wax.

JD/Turk-Puppet: Hey Dr. Cox! We're ready to wax Dr. Kelso's car.

Dr. Cox: So help me *GOD* newbies, if you lay one puppet finger on that car I'll make sure you take care of every impacted colon on the second and third floor the day after Thanksgiving, understand?

JD/Turk-Puppet: Eep!

Dr. Cox turns to the students. "Today's exercise is to resist being bribed. Pick a partner and take turns being the briber and the bribee. Any of you clown-college rejects take a bribe and I'll throw you in detention."

[ooc: ~~Wait for the obligatory~~ OCD is up.]

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Tyler blinked. That was a surprisingly good answer.

"Physical fight," he clarified. "What would I have to do to make you spar with-" he glanced around the classroom to pick a likely rival. "Zack Addy."

Blair looked over at Zack and then back at Tyler. "I don't know man, physical fighting is not my bag. I suppose I'd have to have a purpose in order to fight him."

Tyler rubbed his chin, thinking. "Physical fitness?" he tried. "And I'll make a big donation to Amnesty International. Thousand bucks."

"Wouldn't the same amount of physical fitness be gained by jogging together? Or maybe yoga?" Blair eyed Tyler warily. "You'd donate money to AI in order to get two people to fight each other?"

"But you don't find out as much about yourself with jogging or yoga," Tyler explained.

As for the second question - well, no. He didn't really have any money.

But Tyler put on a bright smile anyhow. "Sure! It's that important to me."

"Maybe we could supplement the yoga with meditation. That would help us know lots about each other." Blair shrugged. "Why is it so important to you?"

"I'm just trying to help you grow," Tyler insisted. "Why are you so against it? It's for a good cause."

Blair looked over the options of what he could do with a bribe and shrugged, none of them were really what he wanted to do. "I'm concerned about that, man. I don't believe fighting will help us learn more about ourselves or help us grow. I think it's the opposite. We learn about ourselves when we learn about the people around us, what they respect and fear, who they are. That's only going to be done by talking to and getting to know Zack, not by fighting him. I'm not going to grow up by fighting either, if anything I'll just be indulging the baser aspects of my personality and regressing into some sort of psuedo-caveman."

Yeah, that kind of knocked Tyler backwards.

"Um." Tyler looked at his own instructions agin. "So you're saying there's nothing I could do that would make you want to fight anyone? What if I told you he had insulted your mother?"

"I don't know for sure, man, but I don't think there's anything that would make me want to fight. I'm not saying I won't defend myself, but I don't think that violence is the answer to problems." Blair shrugged.

"I would probably want to talk to Zack and find out why he was angry at me enough to insult someone he never met."

Tyler decided to try one more thing and then give up. "What if I agreed to meditate with you for half an hour in exchange for every minute you spent in the fight?"

Blair blinked in shock. "Um...uh..." He trailed off and tried to reconcile fighting is wrong with Tyler could seriously use some meditation time in his brain.

"Would you offer the same deal if you and I fought instead of Zack?"

Tyler blinked a little too. He had never really imagined himself meditating, but if the bribe would work...

"Sure?" he said.

He raised his eyebrows, considering. "So is this real thing now, or are we still just playing?"

Blair shook his head a little bit as if he couldn't believe what he was saying, and then nodded. "I think meditation would be good for you, man. If fighting with you is the way you're going to do it...then I'm willing to fight."

"Although if you'd be willing to meditate for a twinkie, you should probably tell me before we get all violent."

"Not for a twinkie," Tyler confirmed. "Okay. Say tomorrow in the gym? Fight, then meditation?"

He couldn't believe he was going to meditate. He wondered if it would be like the visualizations in support group.

"Does this count as you bribing me, too?"

"Fight, then meditation." Blair nodded, shoving slightly shaky hands in his pockets. Angel had taught him how to get away from an attacker, but not really how to fight. "A half hour for every minute in the fight."

"Yeah, I think it counts."

"But not all at once," Tyler specified. He didn't want to be stuck meditating for four hours or something. "No more than an hour at a time."

He half-smiled. "So we're good at this bribing thing."

"No more than an..." Blair nodded, trying to hide his disbelief. He would be considering himself lucky if he lasted long enough against Tyler to qualify for one full hour. "That's fine with me."

"Apparently we are."

Tyler nodded slowly, still wondering what he had gotten himself into.

Win Friends, Etc. [7/18] - Tuesday Afternoon

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