Win Friends, Etc. [7/18] - Tuesday Afternoon

[dr-snark.livejournal.com]

Zack Addy
Belthazor
Cordelia Chase
John Crichton
Timothy Desmond
Tyler Durden
Draco Malfoy
Peter Pevensie
Blair Sandburg
Greg Sanders
Ranma Saotome
Shiro
Aeryn Sun
Elizabeth Weir

Another sharp whistle is heard as Dr. Cox marches into the room glaring at anyone who might be out of their seats.

"Listen up newbies. Apparently there's this [airquote] ritual [/airquote] where all the students have to stand up and introduce themseves and blah blah blah blah that needs to be done for the beginning of each class. Quite frankly listening to you people blather is like the sound of the teacher makes on the cartoon Christmas special where the round headed kid buys a crappy looking tree and gets the crap kicked out of him by the rest of the students for being so damn cheap."

Cox takes a long gasp of air. "So. Yeah. Introduce yourselves, not that it's really important because I haven't really learned your names and probably never will."

After introductions are made...

"Okay noobs. Let's talk bribery. Bribery is the action where someone gives you something that you want in order to force you to do something you *don't* want to do. This is the weapon of the enemy and can be very hard to resist. How do you stop it you ask? Well there are three methods which I will demonstrate."

Method One: Don't Give a Rat's Ass.
Dr. Cox pulls out a puppet that resembles the middle age man from last week.

Bob-Puppet: Hey Perry. My car could use a nice new coat of shiny wax on it. Send down a couple of interns to take care of it and I'll give you a shiny nickel and the chance for a promotion.

Dr. Cox: Well geeee Bobbo, I really understand how important it is for the Prince of Darkness to have his pimpmobile looking all tricked out but quite frankly it's more important to have these babies learn how to save lives than learn how to buff. And if you don't like it allow me to drop my scrubs and bend over while you pucker up big boy.

Method Two: Pretend to consider the Bribe then insult the briber
Bob-Puppet: Gosh Perry, if that's your attitude then maybe we should give that promotion to Dr. Mickhead.

Dr. Cox begins to flake blubber.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Bob! No! Please! I need that promotion to feed my unquenchable Scotch drinking.

Bob-Puppet: Does that mean you'll do it?

Dr. Cox drops the act.

Dr. Cox: No. Ready for me to drop my pants yet? I hope you got got some lip balm there Bobbo because you're looking might chapped on those lips. Was there a board meeting today?

Method Three: Take the bribe and don't do it
Bob-Puppet: Well gosh Perry, that's a darn shame as I happen to have tickets to the all-star hockey game here. I'd hate for those tickets to go to waste.

Dr. Cox: Well let me take those tickets off your hands there Bobbo and I'll see what I can do.

Bob-Puppet: Well Dr. Cox... It's nice to see you finally cave in on something. Quite frankly I thought you had some kind of ethics in you but it's nice to see that even you can be bought.

Dr. Cox gives the puppet a fake smile as he makes the Bob-puppet "walk away". He brings up his other hand which has a puppet which appears to be two characters sewn together at the hip. One character is a white guy in blue scrubs with funny hair and the other is an African American with a bald head and huge mole on his face. The puppet is holding a can of turtle wax.

JD/Turk-Puppet: Hey Dr. Cox! We're ready to wax Dr. Kelso's car.

Dr. Cox: So help me *GOD* newbies, if you lay one puppet finger on that car I'll make sure you take care of every impacted colon on the second and third floor the day after Thanksgiving, understand?

JD/Turk-Puppet: Eep!


Dr. Cox turns to the students. "Today's exercise is to resist being bribed. Pick a partner and take turns being the briber and the bribee. Any of you clown-college rejects take a bribe and I'll throw you in detention."

[ooc: Wait for the obligatory OCD is up.]