fandomhigh | Win Friends, Etc. [7/18]

Zack Addy
Belthazor
Cordelia Chase
John Crichton
Timothy Desmond
Tyler Durden
Draco Malfoy
Peter Pevensie
Blair Sandburg
Greg Sanders
Ranma Saotome
Shiro
Aeryn Sun
Elizabeth Weir

Another sharp whistle is heard as Dr. Cox marches into the room glaring at anyone who might be out of their seats.

"Listen up newbies. Apparently there's this [airquote] ritual [/airquote] where all the students have to stand up and introduce themseves and blah blah blah blah that needs to be done for the beginning of each class. Quite frankly listening to you people blather is like the sound of the teacher makes on the cartoon Christmas special where the round headed kid buys a crappy looking tree and gets the crap kicked out of him by the rest of the students for being so damn cheap."

Cox takes a long gasp of air. "So. Yeah. Introduce yourselves, not that it's really important because I haven't really learned your names and probably never will."

After introductions are made...

"Okay noobs. Let's talk bribery. Bribery is the action where someone gives you something that you want in order to force you to do something you *don't* want to do. This is the weapon of the enemy and can be very hard to resist. How do you stop it you ask? Well there are three methods which I will demonstrate."

Method One: Don't Give a Rat's Ass.
Dr. Cox pulls out a puppet that resembles the middle age man from last week.

Bob-Puppet: Hey Perry. My car could use a nice new coat of shiny wax on it. Send down a couple of interns to take care of it and I'll give you a shiny nickel and the chance for a promotion.

Dr. Cox: Well geeee Bobbo, I really understand how important it is for the Prince of Darkness to have his pimpmobile looking all tricked out but quite frankly it's more important to have these babies learn how to save lives than learn how to buff. And if you don't like it allow me to drop my scrubs and bend over while you pucker up big boy.

Method Two: Pretend to consider the Bribe then insult the briber
Bob-Puppet: Gosh Perry, if that's your attitude then maybe we should give that promotion to Dr. Mickhead.

Dr. Cox begins to flake blubber.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Bob! No! Please! I need that promotion to feed my unquenchable Scotch drinking.

Bob-Puppet: Does that mean you'll do it?

Dr. Cox drops the act.

Dr. Cox: No. Ready for me to drop my pants yet? I hope you got got some lip balm there Bobbo because you're looking might chapped on those lips. Was there a board meeting today?

Method Three: Take the bribe and don't do it
Bob-Puppet: Well gosh Perry, that's a darn shame as I happen to have tickets to the all-star hockey game here. I'd hate for those tickets to go to waste.

Dr. Cox: Well let me take those tickets off your hands there Bobbo and I'll see what I can do.

Bob-Puppet: Well Dr. Cox... It's nice to see you finally cave in on something. Quite frankly I thought you had some kind of ethics in you but it's nice to see that even you can be bought.

Dr. Cox gives the puppet a fake smile as he makes the Bob-puppet "walk away". He brings up his other hand which has a puppet which appears to be two characters sewn together at the hip. One character is a white guy in blue scrubs with funny hair and the other is an African American with a bald head and huge mole on his face. The puppet is holding a can of turtle wax.

JD/Turk-Puppet: Hey Dr. Cox! We're ready to wax Dr. Kelso's car.

Dr. Cox: So help me *GOD* newbies, if you lay one puppet finger on that car I'll make sure you take care of every impacted colon on the second and third floor the day after Thanksgiving, understand?

JD/Turk-Puppet: Eep!

Dr. Cox turns to the students. "Today's exercise is to resist being bribed. Pick a partner and take turns being the briber and the bribee. Any of you clown-college rejects take a bribe and I'll throw you in detention."

[ooc: ~~Wait for the obligatory~~ OCD is up.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"How about I throw in some cash?" Bel said. "That way you get a date with Cordy and the money to show her a good time."

"You know if you put half as much effort into your homework as you do into trying to get me to do it you'd have finished by now," Zack pointed out.

Bel grinned at Zack. "You're not going to budge, are you?"

"No," Zack hook his head and grinned back. "Although it was one of the more civil attempts to get me to do homework I've been been given."

"Bribery, not threats," Bel said. "Threats is probably next class at the rate this is going. Anyway, wanna do me now ~~not dirty~~?"

"~~Darn.~~ All right," Zack said. "What do you want and what don't you want to do for it."

Bel pondered this. "~~Angel~~ I'm running low on cash," he said. "So I want money. But I don't want to do anything illegal for it, since I'm trying to be good and all. Can you work with that?"

"~~A FBI agent do instead?~~ I think I can," Zack said, then cleared his throat "So, Bel, how are the finaces these days?"

"Pretty crappy," he admitted. "I don't have a job -- not that I want to work -- and I'm not getting money from the Underworld anymore, so that's all drying up."

"Well, this happens to be your lucky day, as I have a small job that needs doing that would pay handsomely."

"What kind of job?" Bel asked eagerly.

[ooc: no problem! night!]

"Well, you see, I have this person who's been causing me some trouble and if you could go 'talk' to them, there would be a shiny penny in it for you."

"Talk to them?" Bel said warily, picking up on the real meaning of the word.

Zack shrugged. "Talk, break their kneecaps, I'm not fussy."

"Are they evil?" Bel asked.

"No, just annoying."

"I really shouldn't," Bel said. "I mean, I'm trying to be a good guy and all now."

"C'mon, nobody'll notice one little kneecapping," Zack said. "And I am willing to compensate you handsomely."

"How much?" Bel said. He had to ask.

"I'm willing to go as high as three times the current going rate."

"Tempting," Bel said. "Very tempting." That certainly was no lie. "But if anybody found out, I'd have demon hunters on my ass like you wouldn't believe."

"You wouldn't have to turn into big red to do this..."

Bel shook his head. "Doesn't matter. I don't have to be in demon form to be a demon," he said.

"So you're not interested then?"

"Sorry, man," Bel said. "I can't do it. Not if I'm gonna be a good guy and all."

Re: Class

twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com - 2006-07-19 03:21 (UTC) - Expand

demonbelthazor - 2006-07-19 03:55 (UTC) - Expand

twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com - 2006-07-19 03:57 (UTC) - Expand

Win Friends, Etc. [7/18] - Tuesday Afternoon

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