fandomhigh | Careers Something Workplace Something Jobs Blah Blah Blah, Friday, Period 1

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career choices

Careers Something Workplace Something Jobs Blah Blah Blah, Friday, Period 1

Today, class was not taking place in the ~~weird mindfu~~ Danger Shop. Today, there was only the plump blonde crazy lady and not the skinny brunette crazy lady. And the blonde lady looked super-happy.

"Human Resources!" Pammy chirped. "Human Resources is totally the best job ever. You're in charge of managing the most important resource in a workplace: the humans. That means you get to decide hiring and firing, and you deal with internal problems like sexual harassment lawsuits and unsafe work environments. You send out surveys so the other employees can peer-review, and best of all, you have full access to everyone's medical files! It's a gossip-lover's dream. And I mean, can you say blackmail!?"

Pam loved being an HR rep, okay? And last time she'd tried to have class about HR, Cheryl had totally wrecked it.

Well, if Cheryl was going to go on a fucking bender for a solid week, then Pam would totally get to tell everyone about the wonders of HR. So there.

"We're not gonna talk about blackmail today," she said, "Or hiring people, since none of you have a job and wouldn't know how to hire someone anyway."

Some of them had jobs, Pam. And it wasn't like Pam was any good at hiring or firing anyway. Especially since Ms. Archer usually handled that.

"Today we're dealing with creative problem solving," she said, carefully enunciating each lovely syllable. "Sometimes conflicts arise in the workplace, and it's your job to navigate the hurt feelings and hostile workplace environment in order to find a solution that works for everyone."

Buzzword central up in here.

"I like to use Lil Pammy when I'm talking out conflicts," she said, holding the puppet aloft. "Unless I'm using the old standard, the dolphin. A puppet can make the conversation less confrontational, since the harsh words are coming from a plush surrogate. So take a puppet and tell your coworkers to knock off whatever creepy shit they're doing. Got it?"

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"Is there a reason you look afraid of the puppets?" Anders asked, picking a dolphin up with his fingertips just in case Kathy knew something he didn't. "Also, hello, and do you mind being partners?"

"Not a specific one?" Kathy said, giving Anders a sheepish smile. "I'm, umm, just debating the wisdom of sticking my hand into something our teachers have owned and possibly...used."

Kathy wasn't even sure all of what they might have used a puppet for, but she also knew that she wasn't brave enough to find out.

"But, sure, I'd love to be partners. As long as you don't mind me skipping the puppet."

She would draw on her hand if you really needed something, Anders, but there was no way she was putting a puppet on.

Anders looked stricken. "Maker, now I'm going to have images of creative puppet use in my head for the rest of class," he told her. "So thanks for that. But now I don't want to touch them either, so we're agreed on that score. You can be the ... aichar ... person first."

Anders was still a little fuzzy on what exactly Pam had been talking about. He figured he'd pick it up after Kathy demonstrated.

"I'm so sorry. But better that than sticking your hand in and finding...anything at all, ever?"

Because nothing they could find lodged in a puppet for this class could be good. Nothing. At best, it would be drugs from the class when they learned to be a drug mule across the border.

However, Kathy figured that acting out as an HR rep was just punishment for ruining Anders' appetite and/or views of puppets, so she had no problem going first. "Do you want to choose why I'm calling you into my office from the options she gave us? Or should we maybe come up with something else instead?"

Like something that didn't involve having sex with lunchmeat. As a thought.

"I don't really care," Anders admitted. "No sex with lunch and no oozing rashes, maybe, but I'll take anything else you want to throw at me."

A pause. "That may be a poor choice of words in this class. Anyhow, it's all fake, so I'll work with whatever you choose."

She grinned at him, before sitting up a little straighter and assuming what she figured was a decent enough 'professional face'. "In that case, Mr. Anders, we need to talk about your habit of punching people who are dating your ex. It's not only unprofessional and a little stalkery, it's also very bad for morale here in the office. What do you have to say for yourself."

Good choice, Kathy. Anders approved.

"He deserved it?" Anders said, eyebrows going up. "I could be all right with him sleeping with her, but he shouldn't be strutting around the office acting like he owns the place just because of it. That is the problem with morale here. Anything I do is just an attempt at a corrective."

Well, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to say sugartits without blushing and if people were putting poison in the sugar bowl, she'd be suggesting calling the police, not HR intervention.

"How was his strutting affecting you at all?" Kathy asked. "You couldn't ignore it? Or handle it in a more work-appropriate way? Or maybe inform your ex and have her handle?"

"What, and give her the satisfaction of letting her know I still care?" Anders asked archly. "I'm not talking to her ever again."

Never mind that punching this imaginary girlfriend's new boyfriend out was a far better demonstration of caring than talking to her would have been.

He scratched around his jawline. "Why should I have to be the one who ignores things?"

"Okay, so let's unpack all this," Kathy said, because 'unpack' was a word she heard a lot in situations like this. "Does anything you just said sound mature, rational, or professional to you? This is a job, Mr. Anders, not a dating sim."

"Yes!" Anders blurted, before slumping in his chair and, more sheepishly, adding, "All right, no. Mature, rational and professional people ... probably don't punch anyone without more provocation. Is that what we're getting at?"

"Nor do they decide they're not talking to someone ever again because they don't want to give them the satisfaction," Kathy said. "But, yeah, that's pretty much what I'm getting at. Can we agree about the no punching thing?"

"Yes, but you have to tell him to stop playing cock of the walk just because of who he's dating," Anders said grudgingly. "That's not very professional or mature either. And what with all the emotions flying around, it makes it much more difficult to do my job."

He privately hoped he wouldn't be quite this difficult to deal with should a similar situation come up in the real world.

"I'll talk to him and remind him that the locker room days are behind you both," Kathy decided. "But you both ought to remember that sleeping with someone isn't a point in an obscure guy contest, okay? That's not cool for either of you."

"Okay," Anders agreed, then hesitated. "Wait, why? We aren't saying anything bad about her."

He still had a ways to go on certain issues, yes.

Well, judging from his clothing, Anders wasn't from around here, so Kathy was willing to cut him some slack. Especially because he was asking.

Social Justice Warrior to the rescue.

"Because it reduces her from a person to an object." Kathy sounded stern. "It says that you care more about how it makes you look to other guys than you care about her. Seriously, do you want to be treated like stakes in a poker game, especially just because you slept with someone?"

"Not if you put it that way," Anders said, going a bit pink. "I wasn't thinking about it like that, though. More like ... sharing our life experiences. It's the Circle. We aren't as touchy about sex as everyone else."

Mainly because they were bored, trapped, and had easier access to contraceptive potions than the rest of Thedas.

"But since not everyone in this office is a mage, I'll refrain."

"Well, you still shouldn't be talking about her unless she's okay with that," Kathy said. "But punching someone because he's strutting around talking about your ex..." She shrugged. "Feels different to me."

"It does seem like it's the kind of thing she could deal with without my fist intervening," Anders said ruefully. "Do I have to apologize, or can I just avoid him?"

"You can just avoid him," Kathy agreed. "So long as this doesn't happen again. If it does, there will be mutual apologies and additional steps taken by management."

Ooo, that sounded intimidating, right? And professional maybe?

"Do you agree?"

"I am in complete agreement, and have absolutely no desire to find out what additional steps would be," Anders said, a smile quirking around the edges of his mouth. "See? We didn't even need puppets to get to that."

"For which I'm incredibly grateful," Kathy said, side-eyeing the puppets once again. "And I'm glad you don't want to know, because otherwise I'd have to come up with additional consequences."

Because, yeah, she had nothing.

"Wanna swap?" She checked the clock. "Or are we out of time."

Anders squinted up at the clock. "Depends how complicated a problem you want to have, I guess. I don't mind at least getting started on a switch if you don't."

He wasn't letting her get away that easily.

Kathy dimpled at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Call me up onto the carpet, Anders."

"All right," Anders said, and closed his eyes for a moment to get into character. "I imagine you ow why you're here, Miss Li."

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