Careers Something Workplace Something Jobs Blah Blah Blah, Friday, Period 1

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Today, class was not taking place in the weird mindfu Danger Shop. Today, there was only the plump blonde crazy lady and not the skinny brunette crazy lady. And the blonde lady looked super-happy.

"Human Resources!" Pammy chirped. "Human Resources is totally the best job ever. You're in charge of managing the most important resource in a workplace: the humans. That means you get to decide hiring and firing, and you deal with internal problems like sexual harassment lawsuits and unsafe work environments. You send out surveys so the other employees can peer-review, and best of all, you have full access to everyone's medical files! It's a gossip-lover's dream. And I mean, can you say blackmail!?"

Pam loved being an HR rep, okay? And last time she'd tried to have class about HR, Cheryl had totally wrecked it.

Well, if Cheryl was going to go on a fucking bender for a solid week, then Pam would totally get to tell everyone about the wonders of HR. So there.

"We're not gonna talk about blackmail today," she said, "Or hiring people, since none of you have a job and wouldn't know how to hire someone anyway."

Some of them had jobs, Pam. And it wasn't like Pam was any good at hiring or firing anyway. Especially since Ms. Archer usually handled that.

"Today we're dealing with creative problem solving," she said, carefully enunciating each lovely syllable. "Sometimes conflicts arise in the workplace, and it's your job to navigate the hurt feelings and hostile workplace environment in order to find a solution that works for everyone."

Buzzword central up in here.

"I like to use Lil Pammy when I'm talking out conflicts," she said, holding the puppet aloft. "Unless I'm using the old standard, the dolphin. A puppet can make the conversation less confrontational, since the harsh words are coming from a plush surrogate. So take a puppet and tell your coworkers to knock off whatever creepy shit they're doing. Got it?"

Comments

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I said they'd been vomiting, not convulsing or bleeding from orifices," Anders argued, also lightly. "Attempted maiming, not intended murder. But all right -- if you never put anything in the sugar bowl to start with, it shouldn't be hard for you to promise to never do it again."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I promise never to poison the sugar bowl 'again,'" Kathy said with finger quotes. "Though, even if I were to have done it, doing the same way would be a silly thing."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"It would be," Anders agreed. "But really, if you must torment your fellow employees, stick to things they're more likely to live through. I understand glue in the privy is classic."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"...How would that work," Kathy said, wrinkling her brow trying to figure it out. She was picturing Elmer's glue in a toilet and not seeing how the two work together.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"You put it on the seat," Anders explained with a sigh. "See, HR is good for all kinds of information!"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Ohmigosh," Kathy said, gasping. "That's terrible! I never would have thought of that!"

Shocking, no? With how everything else about Kathy screamed 'prankster'?

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"And that's why you -- allegedly -- upped the ante to rat poison in the sugar bowl," Anders said, trying not to laugh. "Clearly your education in pranking was deficient."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Allegedy," Kathy agreed. "I didn't do it, but if I did it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?"

Aww yeah. Stealth pun.

"I'd suggest either a mandatory 'No Pranking in the Workplace' lecture for everyone, or a mandatory 'Acceptable Pranks for the Workplace' one. Just so anyone so pranking-deficient can have an idea."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I'd go for the first one," Anders said cheerily. "And -- you thought of it. Want to be my assistant when lecture day comes?"

His tone made it clear she was being volunteered already.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Excuse you. Volunttold.

"Lucky me," Kathy pretended to grumble. Too bad she still had very visible dimples. "Are we good then?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"We're good," Anders said, grinning. "Just don't make me see you in here again,or I'll sic a puppet on you."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'll behave!" Kathy squealed. "I'll behave I promise! Just no puppets!"