Careers Something Workplace Something Jobs Blah Blah Blah, Friday, Period 1

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Today, class was not taking place in the weird mindfu Danger Shop. Today, there was only the plump blonde crazy lady and not the skinny brunette crazy lady. And the blonde lady looked super-happy.

"Human Resources!" Pammy chirped. "Human Resources is totally the best job ever. You're in charge of managing the most important resource in a workplace: the humans. That means you get to decide hiring and firing, and you deal with internal problems like sexual harassment lawsuits and unsafe work environments. You send out surveys so the other employees can peer-review, and best of all, you have full access to everyone's medical files! It's a gossip-lover's dream. And I mean, can you say blackmail!?"

Pam loved being an HR rep, okay? And last time she'd tried to have class about HR, Cheryl had totally wrecked it.

Well, if Cheryl was going to go on a fucking bender for a solid week, then Pam would totally get to tell everyone about the wonders of HR. So there.

"We're not gonna talk about blackmail today," she said, "Or hiring people, since none of you have a job and wouldn't know how to hire someone anyway."

Some of them had jobs, Pam. And it wasn't like Pam was any good at hiring or firing anyway. Especially since Ms. Archer usually handled that.

"Today we're dealing with creative problem solving," she said, carefully enunciating each lovely syllable. "Sometimes conflicts arise in the workplace, and it's your job to navigate the hurt feelings and hostile workplace environment in order to find a solution that works for everyone."

Buzzword central up in here.

"I like to use Lil Pammy when I'm talking out conflicts," she said, holding the puppet aloft. "Unless I'm using the old standard, the dolphin. A puppet can make the conversation less confrontational, since the harsh words are coming from a plush surrogate. So take a puppet and tell your coworkers to knock off whatever creepy shit they're doing. Got it?"

Comments

Sign In [6-13]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Like it's Friday the 13th.

Re: Sign In [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy Li

Re: Sign In [6-13]

[notaweenie.livejournal.com]

Barry Ween

Re: Sign In [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

Anders

Re: Sign In [6-13]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker Moreau

During the ... Okay, This One Is Sort Of a Lecture [6-13]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

And the career is an actual real job. That's weird, right?

Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Pick a puppet from a moddable supply of plush critters. Then pair up and take turns being the HR rep and the unrepentant employee who is ruining life for everyone.

Possible topics include:
- you publicly scratch that weird oozy rash you have, and it's gross
- security footage caught you having sex with other people's lunches*
- you keep calling the secretary "sugartits"
- you punched out the guy who is now dating your ex
- you put rat poison in the break room sugar dish
- you touch yourself sexually when you are bored during meetings

Try to make the other person promise to not do it again. Then switch!

*This one actually happened, in my canon. ♥

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was eyeing the puppets dubiously. She had no intentions of actually putting her hand in one. She didn't know where they'd come from or what had been inside of them before, but she'd met her teachers and didn't want to accidentally cut herself on a hidden razor, find someone's stash of methamphetamines, or put her hand in some kind of bodily fluid.

All valid fears in this classroom.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Is there a reason you look afraid of the puppets?" Anders asked, picking a dolphin up with his fingertips just in case Kathy knew something he didn't. "Also, hello, and do you mind being partners?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Not a specific one?" Kathy said, giving Anders a sheepish smile. "I'm, umm, just debating the wisdom of sticking my hand into something our teachers have owned and possibly...used."

Kathy wasn't even sure all of what they might have used a puppet for, but she also knew that she wasn't brave enough to find out.

"But, sure, I'd love to be partners. As long as you don't mind me skipping the puppet."

She would draw on her hand if you really needed something, Anders, but there was no way she was putting a puppet on.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

Anders looked stricken. "Maker, now I'm going to have images of creative puppet use in my head for the rest of class," he told her. "So thanks for that. But now I don't want to touch them either, so we're agreed on that score. You can be the ... aichar ... person first."

Anders was still a little fuzzy on what exactly Pam had been talking about. He figured he'd pick it up after Kathy demonstrated.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm so sorry. But better that than sticking your hand in and finding...anything at all, ever?"

Because nothing they could find lodged in a puppet for this class could be good. Nothing. At best, it would be drugs from the class when they learned to be a drug mule across the border.

However, Kathy figured that acting out as an HR rep was just punishment for ruining Anders' appetite and/or views of puppets, so she had no problem going first. "Do you want to choose why I'm calling you into my office from the options she gave us? Or should we maybe come up with something else instead?"

Like something that didn't involve having sex with lunchmeat. As a thought.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I don't really care," Anders admitted. "No sex with lunch and no oozing rashes, maybe, but I'll take anything else you want to throw at me."

A pause. "That may be a poor choice of words in this class. Anyhow, it's all fake, so I'll work with whatever you choose."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

She grinned at him, before sitting up a little straighter and assuming what she figured was a decent enough 'professional face'. "In that case, Mr. Anders, we need to talk about your habit of punching people who are dating your ex. It's not only unprofessional and a little stalkery, it's also very bad for morale here in the office. What do you have to say for yourself."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

Good choice, Kathy. Anders approved.

"He deserved it?" Anders said, eyebrows going up. "I could be all right with him sleeping with her, but he shouldn't be strutting around the office acting like he owns the place just because of it. That is the problem with morale here. Anything I do is just an attempt at a corrective."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Well, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to say sugartits without blushing and if people were putting poison in the sugar bowl, she'd be suggesting calling the police, not HR intervention.

"How was his strutting affecting you at all?" Kathy asked. "You couldn't ignore it? Or handle it in a more work-appropriate way? Or maybe inform your ex and have her handle?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"What, and give her the satisfaction of letting her know I still care?" Anders asked archly. "I'm not talking to her ever again."

Never mind that punching this imaginary girlfriend's new boyfriend out was a far better demonstration of caring than talking to her would have been.

He scratched around his jawline. "Why should I have to be the one who ignores things?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Okay, so let's unpack all this," Kathy said, because 'unpack' was a word she heard a lot in situations like this. "Does anything you just said sound mature, rational, or professional to you? This is a job, Mr. Anders, not a dating sim."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Yes!" Anders blurted, before slumping in his chair and, more sheepishly, adding, "All right, no. Mature, rational and professional people ... probably don't punch anyone without more provocation. Is that what we're getting at?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Nor do they decide they're not talking to someone ever again because they don't want to give them the satisfaction," Kathy said. "But, yeah, that's pretty much what I'm getting at. Can we agree about the no punching thing?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Yes, but you have to tell him to stop playing cock of the walk just because of who he's dating," Anders said grudgingly. "That's not very professional or mature either. And what with all the emotions flying around, it makes it much more difficult to do my job."

He privately hoped he wouldn't be quite this difficult to deal with should a similar situation come up in the real world.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'll talk to him and remind him that the locker room days are behind you both," Kathy decided. "But you both ought to remember that sleeping with someone isn't a point in an obscure guy contest, okay? That's not cool for either of you."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker picked up a spider -- which, conveniently, was on a string, so he didn't have to touch very much of it. He dangled it menacingly at people, and jiggled it. "Heeeey, Sugartits! We need to talk!"

Talk to Pam and Li'l Pammy [6-13]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Ask about Cheryl and her amazing bender of doom. Or ask why Pam's puppet has a mini puppet of its own. LAYERS WITHIN LAYERS.

OOC [6-13]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

I overslept and threw class together at the last minute so I could run and hopefully not be late for work. Forgive any typos or weirdness. (Weirdness of the unintentional variety, obvs.) Fleeing, and I'll catch pings when I'm home again.

Solo class because notmysupervisor is on a much needed vacay.