Careers Something Workplace Something Jobs Blah Blah Blah, Friday, Period 1

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Today, class was not taking place in the weird mindfu Danger Shop. Today, there was only the plump blonde crazy lady and not the skinny brunette crazy lady. And the blonde lady looked super-happy.

"Human Resources!" Pammy chirped. "Human Resources is totally the best job ever. You're in charge of managing the most important resource in a workplace: the humans. That means you get to decide hiring and firing, and you deal with internal problems like sexual harassment lawsuits and unsafe work environments. You send out surveys so the other employees can peer-review, and best of all, you have full access to everyone's medical files! It's a gossip-lover's dream. And I mean, can you say blackmail!?"

Pam loved being an HR rep, okay? And last time she'd tried to have class about HR, Cheryl had totally wrecked it.

Well, if Cheryl was going to go on a fucking bender for a solid week, then Pam would totally get to tell everyone about the wonders of HR. So there.

"We're not gonna talk about blackmail today," she said, "Or hiring people, since none of you have a job and wouldn't know how to hire someone anyway."

Some of them had jobs, Pam. And it wasn't like Pam was any good at hiring or firing anyway. Especially since Ms. Archer usually handled that.

"Today we're dealing with creative problem solving," she said, carefully enunciating each lovely syllable. "Sometimes conflicts arise in the workplace, and it's your job to navigate the hurt feelings and hostile workplace environment in order to find a solution that works for everyone."

Buzzword central up in here.

"I like to use Lil Pammy when I'm talking out conflicts," she said, holding the puppet aloft. "Unless I'm using the old standard, the dolphin. A puppet can make the conversation less confrontational, since the harsh words are coming from a plush surrogate. So take a puppet and tell your coworkers to knock off whatever creepy shit they're doing. Got it?"

Comments

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Nor do they decide they're not talking to someone ever again because they don't want to give them the satisfaction," Kathy said. "But, yeah, that's pretty much what I'm getting at. Can we agree about the no punching thing?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Yes, but you have to tell him to stop playing cock of the walk just because of who he's dating," Anders said grudgingly. "That's not very professional or mature either. And what with all the emotions flying around, it makes it much more difficult to do my job."

He privately hoped he wouldn't be quite this difficult to deal with should a similar situation come up in the real world.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'll talk to him and remind him that the locker room days are behind you both," Kathy decided. "But you both ought to remember that sleeping with someone isn't a point in an obscure guy contest, okay? That's not cool for either of you."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Okay," Anders agreed, then hesitated. "Wait, why? We aren't saying anything bad about her."

He still had a ways to go on certain issues, yes.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Well, judging from his clothing, Anders wasn't from around here, so Kathy was willing to cut him some slack. Especially because he was asking.

Social Justice Warrior to the rescue.

"Because it reduces her from a person to an object." Kathy sounded stern. "It says that you care more about how it makes you look to other guys than you care about her. Seriously, do you want to be treated like stakes in a poker game, especially just because you slept with someone?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"Not if you put it that way," Anders said, going a bit pink. "I wasn't thinking about it like that, though. More like ... sharing our life experiences. It's the Circle. We aren't as touchy about sex as everyone else."

Mainly because they were bored, trapped, and had easier access to contraceptive potions than the rest of Thedas.

"But since not everyone in this office is a mage, I'll refrain."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Well, you still shouldn't be talking about her unless she's okay with that," Kathy said. "But punching someone because he's strutting around talking about your ex..." She shrugged. "Feels different to me."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"It does seem like it's the kind of thing she could deal with without my fist intervening," Anders said ruefully. "Do I have to apologize, or can I just avoid him?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"You can just avoid him," Kathy agreed. "So long as this doesn't happen again. If it does, there will be mutual apologies and additional steps taken by management."

Ooo, that sounded intimidating, right? And professional maybe?

"Do you agree?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I am in complete agreement, and have absolutely no desire to find out what additional steps would be," Anders said, a smile quirking around the edges of his mouth. "See? We didn't even need puppets to get to that."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"For which I'm incredibly grateful," Kathy said, side-eyeing the puppets once again. "And I'm glad you don't want to know, because otherwise I'd have to come up with additional consequences."

Because, yeah, she had nothing.

"Wanna swap?" She checked the clock. "Or are we out of time."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

Anders squinted up at the clock. "Depends how complicated a problem you want to have, I guess. I don't mind at least getting started on a switch if you don't."

He wasn't letting her get away that easily.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy dimpled at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Call me up onto the carpet, Anders."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"All right," Anders said, and closed his eyes for a moment to get into character. "I imagine you ow why you're here, Miss Li."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy folded her arms, looking entirely too good for this nonsense. "Nope. Not a clue."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"The break room sugar dish," Anders reminded her helpfully. "Everyone who's used it since you refilled it this morning has spent the rest of the day vomiting, and word going around is that the container you filled it from had a picture of a dead rat on it. Care to explain?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Unsubstantiated rumor," Kathy said immediately. "If I were going to poison the sugarbowl, would I really do it in front of witnesses? Especially if it was still marked as poison?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I think that might be the best way to do it," Anders claimed. "It's so ridiculous we'd have to be out of our minds to accuse you if it didn't happen to be true."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"That would almost certainly be construed as slander or something," Kathy said, shaking her head. "I don't think HR wants to deal with a lawsuit like that, do you?"

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

Anders held up a hand. "That's not playing fair," he complained. "I didn't say I never punched whatshisface."

Mostly because he hadn't thought of it.

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"Yeah, but there were witnesses," Kathy teased. "And besides, I didn't accuse you of trying to murder anyone. Besides, you just have to get me to promise not to do it again."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"I said they'd been vomiting, not convulsing or bleeding from orifices," Anders argued, also lightly. "Attempted maiming, not intended murder. But all right -- if you never put anything in the sugar bowl to start with, it shouldn't be hard for you to promise to never do it again."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"I promise never to poison the sugar bowl 'again,'" Kathy said with finger quotes. "Though, even if I were to have done it, doing the same way would be a silly thing."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[not_every_mage]

"It would be," Anders agreed. "But really, if you must torment your fellow employees, stick to things they're more likely to live through. I understand glue in the privy is classic."

Re: Pair Up and Talk Out Your Issues [6-13]

[spin_kick_snap]

"...How would that work," Kathy said, wrinkling her brow trying to figure it out. She was picturing Elmer's glue in a toilet and not seeing how the two work together.