fandomhigh | Ethics [Thursday, April 25, 2013, 2nd period]

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ethics

Ethics [Thursday, April 25, 2013, 2nd period]

"Welcome to our final class together," Anakin said as he passed out the exams. "I hope you've learned something about yourselves in our time together so that when you're faced with a tough situation, you can make a choice you can live with."

That's what passed for as touchy-feely from Anakin, folks. Sorry. "There are no right and wrong answers on this exam, but I do want you to explain your answer. Don't answer what you think I want to hear--answer how you'd honestly react."

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Anakin had to get back to the Errant Venture to spend some time with Tahiri, but one of the reasons he'd come back to Fandom was that he really, really wanted to talk to his grandfather.

He waited until the end of the class to drop in and leaned in the doorway, looking a little older and more sober than he had before he left. "Hi."

Anakin didn't try to hide his relief to see his grandson. "You're back."

"Only for a few days," Anakin admitted, a tiny smile crossing his face; sometimes it was actually nice to know someone had been concerned. "I was about to head back home for a little while."

"What's going on there?" Anakin asked.

A brief but potent pulse of anger flared up in Anakin's Force-sense before he answered. "It's Tahiri. The Yuuzhan Vong --" He didn't really want to talk about it, or he'd have a harder time suppressing the anger. "She's healing, but I should be there for her."

Anakin nodded, eyes filled with sympathy (if you knew how to look for it). "It's going to be a long road for her," he said softly. "A version of her was here--have you seen her?"

Anakin wasn't quite able to read that sympathy, but he could guess that it might be there, and nodded. "I thought it was weird, how different she was from the one I know. I guess this explains why, or at least part of it."

He really had no idea.

Anakin wasn't inclined to enlighten him, either.

"At least part of it," he agreed. "Go slowly--I know it's not exactly in our nature to do that, but try."

Yeah, the slight confusion that crossed Anakin's face backed that up: going less than full-throttle was not his default setting.

"I will," he promised.

He frowned, then, and took a breath and asked, "Did anyone ever ever do things, dumb things, and get into a big mess, just because they wanted to be like you?"

"Alllll the time," Anakin said. "The Council once gave me a Padawan to train."

"Really?" Pardon Anakin's wide-eyed look for a second there; it was strange to picture that. "Did you stop them? I mean, was there a way to stop them?"

"It would have been like trying to stop a Star Destroyer by standing in front of it and waving your hands," Anakin said tiredly. "She was impulsive and I was...not a great teacher."

At all.

Anakin half-smiled, just for a moment. "I think I know the feeling."

"Of trying to stop a Star Destroyer or not being a good teacher?" Anakin asked.

"Maybe both," Anakin admitted. "Even if I wasn't technically teaching Sannah and Valin, I shouldn't have let them think, even for a little while, that the mess we were in was all their fault just because they did what they thought I would do."

Anakin's lips quirked up wryly. "Been there. Or when you yell at people for doing what you would, but not being as good at it as you are."

"Or that," Anakin agreed, smiling faintly in response before that expression faded into guilt. "It's too easy to do that when I'm beating myself up for my mistakes getting others killed."

Anakin nodded. "I did that for every single clone I lost during the war," he said softly. "It's what makes you better at a really awful job."

"I didn't ask for this," Anakin said with quiet frustration, though part of that was because he knew perfectly well that he loved playing the hero, and therefore he'd set himself up for it. "I never set out to be some shining symbol of -- of everything."

"I know," Anakin said. "Even when you want some of it, the hero-worship can be a bit much."

Anakin just looked at him for several seconds, silently, and finally gave a hesitant smile. "You get it. I'm . . . really glad."

It seemed like a little thing, but it made a surprisingly big difference.

Anakin smiled back. "I'm glad you're all right with having anything in common with me at all."

"I've been warned all my life about turning out too much like you," Anakin replied. "And I've been warned about my anger more times than I can count. And it wasn't until after I got here that I understood this, but . . . it's either accept what we have in common or resent the comparisons for the rest of my life."

Anakin nodded. "That's more wisdom than I demonstrated in forty years," he admitted. "I focused on resentment."

"I might have," admitted Anakin. "It's tempting. Really tempting, most of the time. But it's a comparison that no one will ever, ever let me forget and to be honest I don't have the time to spare for resentment."

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