fandomhigh | Detention

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Detention

Dean Bristow stands in an empty and unprogrammed Danger Shop. "Mr. Williams has yet to arrive, so I'll be your Detention person until such time as he does. Please sign in below."

Known detentions:

conathon

master_of_fear

maias_notebook

neptune_wallace

julian_lawless

studentwillow

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Do it.

Again, do it.

"Until such time as Mr. Williams decides to grace us with his presence, I will continue with his lesson plan. First, we begin with a film. 1978's Dawn of the Dead. I want 100 words on the depiction of zombies in this film as figures of tragedy or horror."

[OOC: If you've seen it, do it. If you haven't, just say that you did it]

Dean Bristow programmed the Danger Shop to be an exact replica of the Monroeville Mall from the film. On the floor in front of them is a piece of red tape.

"Please line up. In this exercise, a zombie will attack you and you will have to defend yourself with an improvised weapon. When you step up to the line, the weapon will materialize in your hand and the zombie will appear 35 feet away. Successfully incapacitate it by removing the head or destroying the brain."

*takes another gulp of coffee*

Alright kids, you've earned yourself a break. I got ourselves a very special catering job... say hello to Mr. Enpeecee of one of the local restaurants you've never heard of. He'll be serving Stew for everyone! There is a vegetarian option for those of you wusses who can't stand to think of a chicken crying, don't worry. Stew, rolls, carrots, and water! Have at it kids... but remember, there is always the chance of Zombie attack.

...even during your lunch break. *laugh*

*Ash clears his throat, and the interior of the Danger shop shimmers away and is replaced with a dark, sullen graveyard*

Pull up a tombstone, kids. This is gonna be a happy, happy time.

*clears throat*

When throughout the course of zombie events, you may find yourself confronted by your mother, father, brother, sister, pet goat, or other associate, in handy dandy creepified zombie form.

Here is a key lesson, kiddos. They ain't them. They're just a shambling, rambling, gonna nibble on your gray matter zombie. They don't love you, they love the taste of your flesh. You might as well abandon all hope that the process is reversible, or that there is some tiny glimmer of who they once were in their eyes. They're walking meat sacs, looking to eat you, and if you're unlucky, turn you into one as well.

Now, how do you get rid of the inevitable stupid shiny humanistic feelings towards people who look like your mom, for example? You use the likeness to your advantage. You remember all that your mom ever did mean to you, like, steal your action figures, or force you to walk around crying all day because she refuses to pull the one inch splinter out of your butt cheek, or made you watch Golden Girls. That's some serious rage material. And you bring up all that rage, and you HIT 'EM! Or, if you're lucky enough, you shoot 'em right in the brain!

...this is not me advocating violence to your parents, kids. This is solely in the case of Zombies. If any of you shoot your parents and blame my lecture? You and Me have a personal date with Locker 327, that I will definitely not stand you up for, got it? *sips coffee*

Any questions, punks?

Right, next step in participation, buckos. *a table shimmers into existence, and Ash picks up a shotgun from it*

See this? This... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

Now this is a real man's weapon. Dealable recoil, heavy damage output, but there's the reloading issue that is somewhat of a problem when dealing with zombies. Now, this, being a Man's weapon, ain't for any of you... Well, maybe Crane.

Here, grab yourself a handgun, or if you really feel like possibly breaking your shoulder from recoil, I got a couple carbines as well. Crane, you can grab the other Shotgun, if you like.

Now, any of you ever play Hogan's Alley on the Nintendo? This is gonna be the same deal. The Zombies are gonna march up in straight lines, just so you can get a chance to aim, and you gotta aim, kids. There's only one place to hit one of these shambling meat suckers, or else they just keep coming.

Alright, get a move on, buckos! Move, move, move!

*sighs, and rests his head in his hands*

I'm not sure what to think after that performance, kids. But, now, in honor of my friend Shaun, we will be breaking for afternoon tea. Mr. Enpeecee, please bring out the tea.

*Mr. Enpeecee does so*

Alright kids... one lump or two, huh? *laugh*

*A movie screen shimmers into existence*

Alright, you miserable trained apes without the training, pull up a tombstone again. We gots ourselves another instructional film. Afterwards, I want to get your reactions on the system of survival the people set up, and the sheer terror reactions of what happens when the zombies, if they could, and dear frakking hell I hope they never do, learn.

*starts the film*

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! Grab your guns from the firing range activity, you're gonna need them.

This is simply an excercise in nerves of steel. Step up, and you'll find out what we're doing. Just remember the lecture from before, AND remember this is just a simulation, folks. Thank you.

Who's first?

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Film: Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Participatory Activity: Improvised Weaponry - Cricket Bats, Chainsaws, and You

Lunch Break: Noon to One PM

Lecture: Zombies Are Not Your Friends and Loved Ones

Participatory Activity: Zombie Anatomy - Aim For The Head, Or Else You're Dead

Afternoon Tea Break

Instructional Film: Land of the Dead

Final Activity: Required Measures - Once You are Bit, Your Life Ain't Worth $#it