What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week I (Atreides/Deadpool)

[atreideslioness]

Class was meeting - for today - in a standard classroom, instead of the Danger Shop as one might expect.

Deadpool had called dibs on the desk, using it to sit on like he was a politician in a commercial. One of the classy commercials that has the American flag waving in the background and a positive message. Not the ones where you say your opponent kicks babies into rabid puppies.

Because that was just wrong, man.

"Hi kids, I’m Deadpool. You might remember me from the radio. Or the bus. Or that time I thought I was Wolverine and ran around with no arms. That sucked, just so you guys know. Sucked hardcore. Animation changes are hell on you, ya hear me?"

"What my esteemed co-teacher is trying to say is that you also may recognize him as the vice-principal," Ghanima put in dryly. "As he wears many hats, in a metaphorical sense. He really only wears one costume."

No, Wade, that was not an invitation to wear funny hats to work.

"And I am Lady Ghanima Atreides, your other teacher. Some of you have taken my classes previously, but you may call me Lady Ghanima, Miss Ghanima, or Miss Atreides, whatever you are most comfortable with."

Deadpool was totally gonna wear an awesome hat just to spite you, Ghanima. "And this is what not to do in a fight."

Which, it seemed, meant he should lean over and slap Ghanima on the ass.

Ghanima responded instantly by smashing a back-elbow into his face and using her momentum to attempt to grab the back of his costume and throw him over her shoulder and down on to the floor. "Slapping," she said pleasantly. "Is for children throwing a tantrum and men who don't understand how to use their Big Boy Words."

"And chick fights!" Deadpool added from his spot on the floor. "Mmmm. Chick fights."

Ghanima nudged Deadpool with the toe of her boot. "Wade, try to keep your brain at a PG level. We have freshmen in the class."

Hopping back up onto his feet, Deadpool nodded at the class. "So, instead of that boring introduction crap, we’re gonna slap a clown. Because clowns aren’t really people. They’re hollow shells of human beings with no joy who live to strike fear into the minds of children. God, I hate clowns."

"The purpose of this class is to learn what not to do, so you can either get away, or take your opponent down as fast as possible," Ghanima continued, a smile tugging at her lips. "Hence, the clowns. They're going to pop right back up after you slap them, as a demonstration of how ineffective such a technique is."

"So let's move the desks out of the way and get started. If you feel you need a stronger reason why, you may attempt to slap either Deadpool or myself, as we both heal faster than standard humans. But be warned that you may end up bruised and in a humiliating position in front of your classmates for your attempt."

[OCD UP! HIT IT!]

Comments

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven eyed the clown dubiously. "I am a pacifist," she said. "I do not engage in violence, even in jest."

Especially not now. That clown could release her inner demon! Really!

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[nothornlessrose.livejournal.com]

Cassidy had come up next to Raven. "What is that thing?" Cassidy asked.

Guess what they didn't have back home, Raven? Go on, guess.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"It is supposed to be representative of a person who entertains, often with humor, particularly for children," Raven said, her tone clear that she did not buy this one bit. "Though people are often afraid of them."

With good reason. LOOK AT IT.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[nothornlessrose.livejournal.com]

Cassidy had no problems believing that this thing just wasn't right.

"Why would people set this thing on children?" In Cassidy's mind, one of the worst things you could do was frighten little ones. "If I saw something like that coming near me I would be finding another place to go to."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"As would I," Raven agreed, nodding enthusiastically. "I understand appearances are deceiving, but it does not look like something that intends kindness. I would fear it might eat my children rather than entertain them."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[nothornlessrose.livejournal.com]

Cassidy nodded. "It looks... well, it looks like it has been tainted on the outside instead of on the inside. I would also think it would be more inclined to eating my children than in entertaining them." She walked around it a moment and then returned to Raven's side. Frowning, she reached out and poked at it's head, shoving it away, and then watched it wobble back towards her. "Oh that's just not right."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"I could take it into my Soul-Self and send it far far away," Raven suggested helpfully. "But Karla has forbidden me to take evil things inside me." In case of emergency didn't count though, right?

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

"Then think of this as a lesson as to why pacifism - in this case - is the better option," Ghanima suggested. "Slapping it would do no good if you were in danger, other than to momentarily startle your opponent and then make it madder."

"Which is why you should know where to strike instead, to give you maximum time to flee, or find some other way to subdue them." Ghanima walked around the clown. "A strike to the ears can cause vertigo severe enough to impede walking. Throat and solar plexus can cause the diaphragm to spasm, resulting in temporary - and non-fatal - difficulty in breathing. Eyes and nose are also good options."

She gave Raven a small smile. "I know you feel strongly about your beliefs, Raven, but I'd like you to try striking the toy, so that you get a firm sense of your own hesitations, and what indecision may cost you. This will not be the last time you are asked to try and strike something in this class, but I do promise it will never be in anger, and never against someone who is not able to handle it."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"I would prefer to use my gifts to take away an attacker's aggression," Raven said, inspecting the clown. "Though I know that will only work with living creatures that have emotion, not constructs." But it would work on Pennywise here, really!

It wasn't real, she couldn't hurt it, and she wanted to please Ghanima, so Raven took a breath and delicately swatted at the clown's nose.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

The clown barely rocked, and Ghanima suppressed a smile. "How about a little bit harder?" she suggested. "Think of it like a baseball, and your hand is a bat. Or as an aerobic exercise."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven still wasn't comfortable with the exercise, but she nodded. She closed her eyes this time, though her hand remained open -- she wasn't about to make a fist. She slapped the side of the clown's head hard enough to make it bounce just an inch or two to the side.

You can do better than that, Daughter.

She stiffened and kept her eyes shut for a moment longer, trying to ignore her father. She was not going to freak out in class.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

"Now we've seen how ineffective it is." Ghanima placed her hand on Raven's shoulder as comfort, radiating quiet pride in the attempt.

Now, I want you to consider something," she said. "If you cup your hands like this, and clapped your hands loudly over his ears, this clown might pop, and a real person would be in pain from the sound. I'd like you to try that, gently, on this clown to start. It's very much non-fatal, the worst that can happen is a busted eardrum which can be healed easily."

"I want you to try it, since slapping didn't work. It is a self-defense move that could be useful against someone immune to your powers."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven looked up at Ghanima and shook her head. The Pride definitely helped her uneasiness, but that request....

"I cannot," she said. "I cannot do something that would cause pain. That is far too dangerous."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

"Maybe if you don't think of it as violence?" Roy asked. He had no idea if that would be helpful because pacifism, come on, what was that? But he had to try to help. "Maybe if you just think of it as, like...moving your arm. I mean, it's plastic."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"It is," Raven agreed, worrying at her lower lip. "I cannot hurt it, for it is just an inanimate object. But I worry more about what the act of striking it represents -- a willingness to do harm."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

"But you're not," Roy said, confused. Pacifists were weird. "Willing to do harm, I mean. It can't be harmed. I mean, you could pop it or something, but so what? It's just, like. Exercise."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"If I become used to doing such a thing in practice, I may accidentally do so in a real fight," Raven said. "That is my fear."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

Roy didn't understand her point there. "Right, but if you're in a real fight you would need to do that. I mean. Slapping isn't going to be particularly effective, but it's a start...?"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head. "I would not do so in a real fight." Well, she hoped. "I would use my gifts to stop someone from attacking me, or I would flee. I do not engage in physical combat."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool raised his hand. "Ooo! Oooo! Question!"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"Yes, Professor Wilson?" Raven said politely.

She had a bad feeling about this.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

And for good reason!

"So, you're a pacifist. Aaaand this is a class on fighting. Is this gonna be like forcing a vegan to watch Man vs Food?"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

"I understood the class to be on what not to do in a fight," Raven said, shifting uncomfortably. She really should've known better when she'd seen Deadpool's name as a co-teacher. "I thought perhaps it would teach the folly of violence."

At Deadpool's question she got a confused and horrified look on her face. "Man vs Food? Do they televise people subduing and killing their food sources?"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Okay, so the amount of laughing he was doing was a bit uncalled for. Just a bit. Though now it was getting to be annoying.

"Oh man, you are one funny chick," Deadpool informed her, trying to breathe again. "And now I want them to make that show. I'd watch the shit out of it."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven's face flushed with embarrassment. "Jono has told me people often watch things that frighten them, but I would find such a show repulsive," she said stiffly. "I do not begrudge people their choice in food, but I think watching them slaughter it would be sickening."

If she ever saw Food, Inc., she'd never recover.