fandomhigh | What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week I (Atreides/Deadpool)

Class was meeting - for today - in a standard classroom, instead of the Danger Shop as one might expect.

Deadpool had called dibs on the desk, using it to sit on like he was a politician in a commercial. One of the classy commercials that has the American flag waving in the background and a positive message. Not the ones where you say your opponent kicks babies into rabid puppies.

Because that was just wrong, man.

"Hi kids, I’m Deadpool. You might remember me from the radio. Or the bus. Or that time I thought I was Wolverine and ran around with no arms. That sucked, just so you guys know. Sucked hardcore. Animation changes are hell on you, ya hear me?"

"What my esteemed co-teacher is trying to say is that you also may recognize him as the vice-principal," Ghanima put in dryly. "As he wears many hats, in a metaphorical sense. He really only wears one costume."

No, Wade, that was not an invitation to wear funny hats to work.

"And I am Lady Ghanima Atreides, your other teacher. Some of you have taken my classes previously, but you may call me Lady Ghanima, Miss Ghanima, or Miss Atreides, whatever you are most comfortable with."

Deadpool was totally gonna wear an awesome hat just to spite you, Ghanima. "And this is what not to do in a fight."

Which, it seemed, meant he should lean over and slap Ghanima on the ass.

Ghanima responded instantly by smashing a back-elbow into his face and using her momentum to attempt to grab the back of his costume and throw him over her shoulder and down on to the floor. "Slapping," she said pleasantly. "Is for children throwing a tantrum and men who don't understand how to use their Big Boy Words."

"And chick fights!" Deadpool added from his spot on the floor. "Mmmm. Chick fights."

Ghanima nudged Deadpool with the toe of her boot. "Wade, try to keep your brain at a PG level. We have freshmen in the class."

Hopping back up onto his feet, Deadpool nodded at the class. "So, instead of that boring introduction crap, we’re gonna slap a clown. Because clowns aren’t really people. They’re hollow shells of human beings with no joy who live to strike fear into the minds of children. God, I hate clowns."

"The purpose of this class is to learn what not to do, so you can either get away, or take your opponent down as fast as possible," Ghanima continued, a smile tugging at her lips. "Hence, the clowns. They're going to pop right back up after you slap them, as a demonstration of how ineffective such a technique is."

"So let's move the desks out of the way and get started. If you feel you need a stronger reason why, you may attempt to slap either Deadpool or myself, as we both heal faster than standard humans. But be warned that you may end up bruised and in a humiliating position in front of your classmates for your attempt."

[OCD UP! HIT IT!]

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Deadpool raised his hand. "Ooo! Oooo! Question!"

"Yes, Professor Wilson?" Raven said politely.

She had a bad feeling about this.

And for good reason!

"So, you're a pacifist. Aaaand this is a class on fighting. Is this gonna be like forcing a vegan to watch Man vs Food?"

"I understood the class to be on what not to do in a fight," Raven said, shifting uncomfortably. She really should've known better when she'd seen Deadpool's name as a co-teacher. "I thought perhaps it would teach the folly of violence."

At Deadpool's question she got a confused and horrified look on her face. "Man vs Food? Do they televise people subduing and killing their food sources?"

Okay, so the amount of laughing he was doing was a bit uncalled for. Just a bit. Though now it was getting to be annoying.

"Oh man, you are one funny chick," Deadpool informed her, trying to breathe again. "And now I want them to make that show. I'd watch the shit out of it."

Raven's face flushed with embarrassment. "Jono has told me people often watch things that frighten them, but I would find such a show repulsive," she said stiffly. "I do not begrudge people their choice in food, but I think watching them slaughter it would be sickening."

If she ever saw Food, Inc., she'd never recover.

"You are just precious!"

"I...am?" Raven blinked at Deadpool. She was never going to understand him. Never.

Deadpool wiped away a tear through the mask somehow, shaking his head. "But seriously, why are you in the class if you don't wanna smack things? I mean, there was a hippie, hug happy, everyone sing wimp light rock songs class yesterday. That seems more your speed."

"The class is called what not to do," Raven protested. "I do not wish to hurt anyone. Should I perhaps withdraw from this one then?"

She paused, then had to add, "And I am already enrolled in Professor Kyōraku's course." Thank you very much.

"Yeah, as in what will get you injured if you try. Key word here is 'fight', not 'chat about our feelings while we cry about how mommy didn't love us enough'," Deadpool replied. "If you wanna drop, its up to you, bucko. Just don't get shocked if we ask people to, ya know, fight."

What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week I (Atreides/Deadpool)

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