What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week I (Atreides/Deadpool)

[atreideslioness]

Class was meeting - for today - in a standard classroom, instead of the Danger Shop as one might expect.

Deadpool had called dibs on the desk, using it to sit on like he was a politician in a commercial. One of the classy commercials that has the American flag waving in the background and a positive message. Not the ones where you say your opponent kicks babies into rabid puppies.

Because that was just wrong, man.

"Hi kids, I’m Deadpool. You might remember me from the radio. Or the bus. Or that time I thought I was Wolverine and ran around with no arms. That sucked, just so you guys know. Sucked hardcore. Animation changes are hell on you, ya hear me?"

"What my esteemed co-teacher is trying to say is that you also may recognize him as the vice-principal," Ghanima put in dryly. "As he wears many hats, in a metaphorical sense. He really only wears one costume."

No, Wade, that was not an invitation to wear funny hats to work.

"And I am Lady Ghanima Atreides, your other teacher. Some of you have taken my classes previously, but you may call me Lady Ghanima, Miss Ghanima, or Miss Atreides, whatever you are most comfortable with."

Deadpool was totally gonna wear an awesome hat just to spite you, Ghanima. "And this is what not to do in a fight."

Which, it seemed, meant he should lean over and slap Ghanima on the ass.

Ghanima responded instantly by smashing a back-elbow into his face and using her momentum to attempt to grab the back of his costume and throw him over her shoulder and down on to the floor. "Slapping," she said pleasantly. "Is for children throwing a tantrum and men who don't understand how to use their Big Boy Words."

"And chick fights!" Deadpool added from his spot on the floor. "Mmmm. Chick fights."

Ghanima nudged Deadpool with the toe of her boot. "Wade, try to keep your brain at a PG level. We have freshmen in the class."

Hopping back up onto his feet, Deadpool nodded at the class. "So, instead of that boring introduction crap, we’re gonna slap a clown. Because clowns aren’t really people. They’re hollow shells of human beings with no joy who live to strike fear into the minds of children. God, I hate clowns."

"The purpose of this class is to learn what not to do, so you can either get away, or take your opponent down as fast as possible," Ghanima continued, a smile tugging at her lips. "Hence, the clowns. They're going to pop right back up after you slap them, as a demonstration of how ineffective such a technique is."

"So let's move the desks out of the way and get started. If you feel you need a stronger reason why, you may attempt to slap either Deadpool or myself, as we both heal faster than standard humans. But be warned that you may end up bruised and in a humiliating position in front of your classmates for your attempt."

[OCD UP! HIT IT!]

Comments

SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

Oh yes, the teachers are serious. Slap a clown, and watch it bounce right back up and SMILE at you. Pair up, if you like, or see how many clowns you can slap before the first one bounces back up to smack you in the face.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Cloud poked a clown, well aware that a full force slap from him might actually break the thing. He could use it as a punching back of sorts, but it wasn't all that entertaining, really.

"I feel marginally stupid here", commented to anyone in particular.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

"Oh, good," Roy said wryly. "That makes two of us."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[trigons_child]

Raven eyed the clown dubiously. "I am a pacifist," she said. "I do not engage in violence, even in jest."

Especially not now. That clown could release her inner demon! Really!

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[nothornlessrose.livejournal.com]

Cassidy had come up next to Raven. "What is that thing?" Cassidy asked.

Guess what they didn't have back home, Raven? Go on, guess.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

"Then think of this as a lesson as to why pacifism - in this case - is the better option," Ghanima suggested. "Slapping it would do no good if you were in danger, other than to momentarily startle your opponent and then make it madder."

"Which is why you should know where to strike instead, to give you maximum time to flee, or find some other way to subdue them." Ghanima walked around the clown. "A strike to the ears can cause vertigo severe enough to impede walking. Throat and solar plexus can cause the diaphragm to spasm, resulting in temporary - and non-fatal - difficulty in breathing. Eyes and nose are also good options."

She gave Raven a small smile. "I know you feel strongly about your beliefs, Raven, but I'd like you to try striking the toy, so that you get a firm sense of your own hesitations, and what indecision may cost you. This will not be the last time you are asked to try and strike something in this class, but I do promise it will never be in anger, and never against someone who is not able to handle it."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

"Maybe if you don't think of it as violence?" Roy asked. He had no idea if that would be helpful because pacifism, come on, what was that? But he had to try to help. "Maybe if you just think of it as, like...moving your arm. I mean, it's plastic."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool raised his hand. "Ooo! Oooo! Question!"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[exspeedydotcom]

Roy had actually used punching bags that worked on this principle before. There had even been one with the Joker's face taped to it at Teen Titans HQ, so it was basically the same thing. Still, he just sort of poked the clown with one finger, watched it wobble, and looked around to see if anyone else felt as silly as he did.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[daventryprince.livejournal.com]

At first, Alexander looked quite a bit...skeptical. To be honest, he wasn't much of a slapper at all, and his hand flexed back and forth between a fist and a flat palm and mused about how odd it would be to hit something in a form he was unaccustomed to. The second part of his hesitation, meanwhile, was the recipient of the slap as well. He just couldn't bring himself to muster up the desire to cause harm to something that was supposed to bring joy and mirth to people.

Clearly, Alexander had a bit of a different view of clowns than most.

Still, with a great deal of effort, he told himself not to think of the clown as a jester, but to imagine, instead, a more formidable and appropriate opponent. Instead of bushy red hair, Alexander imagined a tall peaked hat with a wide brim. Instead of a crimson smile, Alexander imagined a long grey beard. Instead of bright and colourful costumes, Alexander imagined a dirty grey robe.

Alexander had no problem hitting the clown now.

He did, however,have a great deal of difficulty keeping his blows to a minor slap.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[heromaniac]

Momoko facepalmed, then raised her hand. "Uhm. Can I slap it with a pin?" she asked hopefully. Not that she'd ever fight dirty like that in a real fight, but this was a class on what not to do, right?

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

"That would be what not to do, but if you pop it, you have to blow up a new one," Ghanima replied cheerfully. "Since all actions have consequences."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[puppy_fair]

Zack contemplated the clown. Tilted his head to look at it from a different angle, and then thought about it a little more. And then, with a shrug, he slapped it, and kind of grinned a bit as it bounced back up to greet him.

Okay, that was fine, but what would happen if he just wound up and punched the thing?

... Oh. Darn.

"Did you know that these clowns are one-hits?" He picked up the deflated thing and frowned. "I'll pay for a replacement, honest."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[atreideslioness]

"We know, we have extras," Ghanima replied tranquilly, taking a new boxed clown out of the desk Deadpool had been sitting on. "But you have to blow it up."

"This is mostly a lesson on knowing what hits are ineffective, and knowing your own strength."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[glacial_queen]

The only experience Karla had with clowns was the weekend when everyone went crazy and Hayley had kidnapped her and handcuffed her to a chair.

Yeah. Not all that fun.

She'd get to slapping in a minute, she was just trying to figure out what the Hell clowns were meant to be first. Besides evil.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[momslilassassin]

"I've fought flying piranhas," Ben said as he slapped the clown, "so this isn't that much more ridiculous..."

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[wesleynotponcy.livejournal.com]

Wesley actually had slapped people in fights before, always to little use. But clowns were downright creepy to him, so he was reluctant as he stepped up to give it a shot.

He slapped...

...aaaaand the clown didn't even go down. Oh, excellent.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[svetocha-blooms.livejournal.com]

Dru mentally shrugged and slapped the clown. It was oddly satisfying.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[fiery-demigod.livejournal.com]

Oh man, Leo loved these things! He was getting way too much enjoyment out of slapping the stupid clown in it's stupid face. He didn't even care that it kept coming back up, it was more slapping for him.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[justwantsquiet.livejournal.com]

Sookie had done her share of slapping, and the nice thing was that since the clown didn't even upset or scare her, there wasn't any danger of it like, melting from purple lightning crap when she hit it! Bonus!

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce strode up to a clown, gave it a strong backhand slap, and watched as it slid back a little before popping back up.

Frankly, he felt that would have been a good intimidation technique to start a fight, especially if you had multiple opponents. If you could knock somebody around like that with a slap, people would have to wonder what you could do with a punch.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[dontvotemeout]

Jason didn't mind that the clown kept bouncing back up at him. This was making for good hitting practice. It wasn't that he was afraid of clowns but, well, there was a certain one that sort of turned him off of the whole group.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[not_tylerdurden]

It was probably best not to ask how Calvin came to be lying on the floor in a daze, he was just kind of special like that.

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Oh god, why? Why?! "Medic!"

Re: SLAP A CLOWN

[squire-hand.livejournal.com]

James stared at the clown. He poked it. It waved a bit. He gave it a slap and stepped bag, watching it wobble.