fandomhigh | Intergalactic Justice, Tuesday Period One

"Today, my little critters of learnitude, we finish our class with a GAUNTLET!"

Jim was appropriately gung-ho for the occasion. "This shop-- this DANGER SHOP has been set up with the defining laws of my universe. You must choose! Choose your weapons! Choose your enemy! And SAVE MY LOVELY BUTTERFINGERS OF JUSTICE!"

Jim coughed to clear his throat, then helpfully indicated the cardboard cut-out of an unusually attractive, bee-like woman all the way at the back of the Danger Shop. "Unfortunately," he continued, "My sidekick, Peter, couldn't be here today to give you the skinny on the second assignment. I will just have to take his place and hope the Great Worm Spirit forgives me!"

He held up a little cardboard mask of an anthromorphic dog up to his face. "Hi, class!" he said, in a high-pitched voice, "Fighting peril and righting wrongs in the galaxy is kind of a big, um, terrifying job, but it's really nothing compared to the dangers of, uh, haggis. See, haggis is... the heart... lungs... and liver... of a sheep... boiled in its own--"

Theatrically, Jim choked up a little. Then pulled the mask away from his face. "Sometimes," he said, with ceremony, "You just can't avoid haggis. Now! Get to it, my little chums!"

[ ~~wait for the~~ ocd up! ]

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"Am I supposed to care?" Ino asked, aiming the blaster at him. "I mean, seriously. Why should I?"

"I'm a cat," Evil said, giving her a look that clearly spelled duh. "That pea shooter won't hurt me, and you're trespassing in my realm."

He waved a paw at the looming cardboard lava scenery.

She snorted. "Am I supposed to be impressed by this? Oooooh scary." Ino pulled the trigger on her blaster. "Only, you know, not."

The impact of the blast shot Evil straight into the air, where he flipped, pointed his claws down, and landed easily back on four paws.

A little blackened, but otherwise fine. "A minor setback," he said, "You're going to regret that."

She pulled the trigger again. "Don't have any regrets yet."

With an unearthly screech made out of ultimate, infinite evil, Evil dodged the blasts and launched himself at Ino's head, claws-first.

It was probably a good thing they were cardboard. "And I do so hate breaking a nail."

"Bad kitty!" she informed it sharply, because ow, and tried to whack it with the blaster.

It was a very good thing they were cardboard.

The whacking produced an interesting cardboard tear in Evil's ear.

He paused in his scratching to try and flatten it. "Now that's inconvenient."

Ino considered her options.

For a second or two.

Then took aim the best she could at the cat on her head, and making sure to angle it so it wouldn't hit her--danger shop or no, she wasn't quite that stupid--and pulled the trigger while the cat was hopefully distracted.

"YEE-ROOOWCH!"

Evil went soaring again.

And landed on all four paws. Again.

He was smoking a little this time, though. "Would you please stop that?"

"Give me a reason to stop," she said impishly, taking aim but not pulling the trigger yet.

Evil gave her a long, evil look.

Then raised a single, elegant claw to make her wait.

Then coughed up a giant hairball.

...

...

Ino couldn't help the giggle that slipped out. "That's a reason?"

"It's a hairball," he specified, wiping at his mouth. "Allergies."

"...so I shouldn't shoot you because you've got allergies?"

"And because it's terribly bad form."

"Oh, whatever," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "Mind if I go now then?"

"Continue," Evil said, stalking back to his throne. "I have a ball of yarn that urgently needs my attention. A YARN BALL OF THE COSMOS, you might say."

Okay? That? Totally deserved the one more shot with the blaster that she aimed at the cat, before she darted away.

Giggling.

Intergalactic Justice, Tuesday Period One

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat

Re: Pick an Opponent - Evil the Cat