fandomhigh | Intergalactic Justice: A Crash Course, Tuesday First Period

Upon entering the Danger Shop, the students would find a severely disinterested-looking worm sulking somewhere in the corner.

"Oh, hellooo, students," Jim said, when they'd all managed to make their way in and he could manage some scrap of enthusiasm. Some. "I'm supposed to be teaching you. You want a lesson? Community service SUCKS. I mean, what's their problem?! You don't surgically implant fish heads in the middle of an invasion from La Planeta de la Agua (arriba!) or you're going to end up shot, it's not rocket science or anything."

He took a moment to consider it. "And in terms of fashion it's reeeeally gauche." Ew. Fishheads. "Unless you're a Giant Furbearing Trout. Oh!" He leapt up to his feet, "Teaching. Riiiight. So going by the radio I figure you'll all be wanting to tell me stuff about yourselves. Be a little quick about it or I'll miss the first few minutes of my show and then I'll be really CHEESED OFF."

He took a breath to compose himself. "If you look at the table in front of you, you'll find a couple of blasters. If we're going to be dealing with Intergalactic Justice, you're going to want to figure out how those work. They come in really handy, kind of like this--"

A target in the shape of a cow popped up out of nowhere.

"EAT DIRT, YOU BOVINE INSULT TO ALL THINGS NATURAL!" Bursting into a round of malicious laughter, he reduced the target to a smoking crisp in a flurry of blasts.

Then he put the blaster back. "Alright, now it's your turn, kids."

More cow targets popped up. Jim just threw himself back in his chair and tried to look bored.

[ OCD up! ]

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It wasn't a knife, but a gun just required a different mindset. Alice narrowed her eyes at the cows and aimed.

She only stopped shooting when there was less "target" than "holes" left, and at that, it was with a sigh. No more cow to shoot.

Jim padded up to the target and poked his finger through...

Well, it probably wasn't a hole anymore, at this point.

"Nice work," he judged, "Better on the verve than most of these guys."

"Thank you, sir," Alice said calmly, setting the blaster down again. There was a hint of a frown around her lips. "Are there ... more cows to shoot?"

For justice. Clearly. The cows had done something-or-other and should be punished with enormous holes.

"There's always more cows," Jim said, valiantly, and tried to clasp her shoulder with one hand, or something. "It's a plague."

Alice grinned as his hand fell on her shoulder. "I should like to help. With the cow-plague."

She lifted the blaster again. My, it felt nice in her hand.

"Groovy," Jim said, doofily, considered the whole thing, and added, "So how do you feel about goldfish?"

Some of these kids had potential.

"Are they likewise a plague?" Alice asked. Better not to suggest shooting them down if they were our lone allies against the cows. Not that that was terribly likely, but it didn't hurt to be sure.

"A plague?" He blinked. "Nah, it's just the one. His name is Bob. He's evil."

"Oh." Alice nodded. "Is he here? I could shoot at him next."

She didn't like to set the blaster down just yet.

Jim pointed helpfully at the target. "Watch out," he said, "He's a wiley one."

"I shall be on my guard, sir," she said calmly, lifting the blaster and aiming. And firing. Repeatedly.

"I believe I shall enjoy this class," she noted, amidst the carnage.

Sokka saluted Alice with his blaster. (YES, that meant the muzzle of a loaded weapon was temporarily aimed at his temple, but shhhh, let's ignore the safety violation there.) "I like your style."

"I was hoping there would be more cows," Alice said thoughtfully. "They were rather enjoyable to exterminate."

After a moment, considering their teacher, she added, "For justice."

"Well, of course for justice. If you were exterminating them NOT for justice, that would make you a bad guy, and bad guys suck."

Sokka looked her over. "There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there?"

"Surely it isn't so clear-cut as that," Alice said, lifting a shoulder. "Perhaps they're evil, but I'm using them to test out my new blaster. Am I still a 'bad guy'? They might be evil, but I'm only playing at being good so as to impress someone else. There are fascinating shades of gray."

She was now examining her blaster. Fabulous, it was.

"Shades of gray will get you into trouble," Sokka told her, with the authority of someone who's watched too many movies. "First it's shades of gray, then it's 'good and evil are just two ways of looking at the same thing', and then someone has to stop you from taking over the world."

He peered at her. "I mean, yeah, life is shades of gray, and there isn't any real black or white anywhere, but you don't have to LIKE it."

"Are you saying we should wait for a galactic trial before we eliminate the bovines?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow. "Plead our case before them? Appeal to a higher authority? Ask them nicely not to trample our lands or whatever it was he said the bovines have been doing?"

That seemed perfectly logical for a boring sort of answer and thoroughly impractical for day-to-day usage.

"Pffft." Sokka waved a hand dismissively. "Trials are all rigged. No, just make sure they're evil before you kill them."

The waving hand turned to gesture expansively at the surroundings. "But HERE, we're in the Danger Room. The cows aren't really real; they're just an illusion of cow-iness. So, you know, blast the crud out of them!"

"Who precisely elected you the arbiter of ethics, might I ask?" Alice folded her arms. "I don't recall asking your permission or blessing in who or what I kill."

"No, I didn't mean it like THAT," Sokka insisted, trying to backpedal. "One person goes around thinking they have all the answers, that's how trouble starts." Oh, the irony.

"It's just... It's easier, in battle, when you can take sides."

"I have my side," Alice said coldly. "Anyone who stands against me is therefore not on my side, and is my enemy."

She didn't regret anyone she'd killed, in Wonderland. Only the ones she'd failed to protect.

"I... think I'll avoid standing against you, then. I'm definitely standing far away from the cows."

"That seems by far the best option to me," she smiled.

Intergalactic Justice: A Crash Course, Tuesday First Period

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