Intergalactic Justice: A Crash Course, Tuesday First Period

[notjustaworm.livejournal.com]

Upon entering the Danger Shop, the students would find a severely disinterested-looking worm sulking somewhere in the corner.

"Oh, hellooo, students," Jim said, when they'd all managed to make their way in and he could manage some scrap of enthusiasm. Some. "I'm supposed to be teaching you. You want a lesson? Community service SUCKS. I mean, what's their problem?! You don't surgically implant fish heads in the middle of an invasion from La Planeta de la Agua (arriba!) or you're going to end up shot, it's not rocket science or anything."

He took a moment to consider it. "And in terms of fashion it's reeeeally gauche." Ew. Fishheads. "Unless you're a Giant Furbearing Trout. Oh!" He leapt up to his feet, "Teaching. Riiiight. So going by the radio I figure you'll all be wanting to tell me stuff about yourselves. Be a little quick about it or I'll miss the first few minutes of my show and then I'll be really CHEESED OFF."

He took a breath to compose himself. "If you look at the table in front of you, you'll find a couple of blasters. If we're going to be dealing with Intergalactic Justice, you're going to want to figure out how those work. They come in really handy, kind of like this--"

A target in the shape of a cow popped up out of nowhere.

"EAT DIRT, YOU BOVINE INSULT TO ALL THINGS NATURAL!" Bursting into a round of malicious laughter, he reduced the target to a smoking crisp in a flurry of blasts.

Then he put the blaster back. "Alright, now it's your turn, kids."

More cow targets popped up. Jim just threw himself back in his chair and tried to look bored.

[ OCD up! ]

Comments

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notyourpawn.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, sir," Alice said calmly, setting the blaster down again. There was a hint of a frown around her lips. "Are there ... more cows to shoot?"

For justice. Clearly. The cows had done something-or-other and should be punished with enormous holes.

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notjustaworm.livejournal.com]

"There's always more cows," Jim said, valiantly, and tried to clasp her shoulder with one hand, or something. "It's a plague."

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notyourpawn.livejournal.com]

Alice grinned as his hand fell on her shoulder. "I should like to help. With the cow-plague."

She lifted the blaster again. My, it felt nice in her hand.

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notjustaworm.livejournal.com]

"Groovy," Jim said, doofily, considered the whole thing, and added, "So how do you feel about goldfish?"

Some of these kids had potential.

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notyourpawn.livejournal.com]

"Are they likewise a plague?" Alice asked. Better not to suggest shooting them down if they were our lone allies against the cows. Not that that was terribly likely, but it didn't hurt to be sure.

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notjustaworm.livejournal.com]

"A plague?" He blinked. "Nah, it's just the one. His name is Bob. He's evil."

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notyourpawn.livejournal.com]

"Oh." Alice nodded. "Is he here? I could shoot at him next."

She didn't like to set the blaster down just yet.

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notjustaworm.livejournal.com]

Jim pointed helpfully at the target. "Watch out," he said, "He's a wiley one."

Re: Shoot the Targets

[notyourpawn.livejournal.com]

"I shall be on my guard, sir," she said calmly, lifting the blaster and aiming. And firing. Repeatedly.

"I believe I shall enjoy this class," she noted, amidst the carnage.